admin
22 December 2023
Wow! I, Robot! Where to begin? Director Alex Proyas should be commended. His stupendous achievement with this film will revolutionize the tender art of severe torture in ways this world has never seen before, and will easily replace the tried and true \"testicles connected to the car battery\" method.
Needless to say, this movie is an abomination. First of all, Will Smith’s characterization of Detective Spooner had all the subtlety of a freight train crashing through a bull in a China shop. How many goddamn times do I need to see Smith’s tired routine on screen? \"That’s right, I’m Will Smith. I’m a wisecracking, bad motherfucker from Philly, and I’m gonna catch your silly robot ass. You heard me! I’m also gonna pound on your bucket head in slow motion with my big muscles, which I got from eating my Grandmama’s potato pies.\"
Oh, shut the hell up! If you’re still entertained by this dog and pony show, you should run into the house and put a paper bag over your head in shame. Smithy does it all, too: he\'ll run through a house as it’s being demolished by a giant, killer robot, while holding a kitty cat... in slow motion! He’ll ride a big motorcycle while plowing through countless robots... in slow motion! William will even jump over the robotic chasms of a 300-foot super computer while blowing away numerous other robots... in slow motion!
John Woo would be proud.
I’m pretty sure when Isaac Asimov wrote I, Robot he didn’t intend it to simply be a vehicle for more Will Smithereens. Which brings up another point: this movie had almost nothing to do with Asimov’s book of the same name. His book was a collection of short stories tied together under the premise of a robotic researcher being interviewed by a reporter. It wasn’t fodder for a big budget action picture. For Christ’s sake, one of the stories was about a silent baby-sitting droid! There were no armies of killer robots or lots of gunfire and big, fiery explosions! The only major thing in the film that was pulled from the book was the three robotic laws. That’s about it! And even they became completely uninteresting after the millionth time they were mentioned-- most likely as a way to make sure you remember what movie you were watching.
The funniest thing about this whole mess is the fact that they are reprinting I, Robot novels with Will Smith on the cover! That’s like P. Diddy doing a remix of The Bible! We do live in fabulous times.
So, after all that, all we get in this movie is another recycling of Will Smith’s wacky, ass-bustin’ character from Independence Day, with lots of overbearing future technology thrown in to camouflage a poorly written story. It’s the typical future plot. Boy meets killer robots. Killer robots threaten humanity. Boy beats killer robots.
There. Save your money. Go buy your kids some ice cream or something.
Needless to say, this movie is an abomination. First of all, Will Smith’s characterization of Detective Spooner had all the subtlety of a freight train crashing through a bull in a China shop. How many goddamn times do I need to see Smith’s tired routine on screen? \"That’s right, I’m Will Smith. I’m a wisecracking, bad motherfucker from Philly, and I’m gonna catch your silly robot ass. You heard me! I’m also gonna pound on your bucket head in slow motion with my big muscles, which I got from eating my Grandmama’s potato pies.\"
Oh, shut the hell up! If you’re still entertained by this dog and pony show, you should run into the house and put a paper bag over your head in shame. Smithy does it all, too: he\'ll run through a house as it’s being demolished by a giant, killer robot, while holding a kitty cat... in slow motion! He’ll ride a big motorcycle while plowing through countless robots... in slow motion! William will even jump over the robotic chasms of a 300-foot super computer while blowing away numerous other robots... in slow motion!
John Woo would be proud.
I’m pretty sure when Isaac Asimov wrote I, Robot he didn’t intend it to simply be a vehicle for more Will Smithereens. Which brings up another point: this movie had almost nothing to do with Asimov’s book of the same name. His book was a collection of short stories tied together under the premise of a robotic researcher being interviewed by a reporter. It wasn’t fodder for a big budget action picture. For Christ’s sake, one of the stories was about a silent baby-sitting droid! There were no armies of killer robots or lots of gunfire and big, fiery explosions! The only major thing in the film that was pulled from the book was the three robotic laws. That’s about it! And even they became completely uninteresting after the millionth time they were mentioned-- most likely as a way to make sure you remember what movie you were watching.
The funniest thing about this whole mess is the fact that they are reprinting I, Robot novels with Will Smith on the cover! That’s like P. Diddy doing a remix of The Bible! We do live in fabulous times.
So, after all that, all we get in this movie is another recycling of Will Smith’s wacky, ass-bustin’ character from Independence Day, with lots of overbearing future technology thrown in to camouflage a poorly written story. It’s the typical future plot. Boy meets killer robots. Killer robots threaten humanity. Boy beats killer robots.
There. Save your money. Go buy your kids some ice cream or something.
artid
2563
Old Image
6_12_irobot.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 12 (aug 2004)
section
entertainmental