NOW PLAYING: MANHUNT

Player One: Staff Member #716
I’m gonna go ahead and make a pretty bold statement here, one which will probably see me ostracized by my fellow gamers: I hate stealth games. Sure, I jumped on the Metal Gear Solid bandwagon when it first came out, when sneaking around and hiding from your enemies was a novel idea amidst the kill-everyone mentality of virtually every other game on the market. But there have always been inherent flaws in every stealth game since (and including) Metal Gear which seem to contradict the logic these games are based on.
Sadly, Manhunt does nothing to redeem the genre for me, and actually makes me loathe stealth games even more. Any game that requires you to stay out of sight of your foes needs two things: an easily-manageable camera, so that you can see where your enemies are, and tight, responsive controls that let you quickly duck into the shadows when necessary. Manhunt has neither.
Cash, the main character, could not possibly walk or turn slower, unless, of course, you use the \"Run\" button. But running is noisy. And noise attracts the bad guys. So the only time running is actually useful is when you’re trying to escape after already being found out. Which will happen, since the camera has a weird habit of not pointing in the direction you need it to. The odds of you actually spotting an enemy before he sees you are virtually nil.
Still, like everything else Rockstar publishes, Manhunt has got more style and atmosphere than should be possible. The game is presented like a snuff film, with the viewpoint switching to a grainy video feed whenever you finally sneak up and execute an enemy. If you’re a fan of movies like 8MM and Se7en, chances are you’d enjoy watching video clips of this game. But I don’t think you sadists would enjoy playing it.
Masochists, on the other hand, just might.
Player Two: Das Bork
716 said it well; this game just isn’t my cup of bonbons. I like stealth games... actually, I guess I just like Metal Gear. Manhunt lacks all the necessary components to make a good stealth game. It\'s true. Face it, gamers, this game blows. How could this happen when Rockstar, the makers of Grand Theft Auto, the most entertaining brand of games ever, were behind it? Well, I think they just overdid the concept-- which is really the coolest part of this game-- and didn’t focus on making good gameplay. It\'s cool that the guys in the game can hear you talk when you wear the microphone headset, but you really don’t have to use it.
Okay, I know this game got a lot of good reviews, and you\'re probably not believing a word I say. So here\'s what I am gonna do: to prove my point, I will ask my lovely assistant Helga (she came with me to America) to stick this honey-drenched, bee-covered sausage in my mouth every time those hillbillies in the game find me. Okay, headset on, and here we go!
Hello, Helga! You look wonderful! Shit! They heard me say that. Helga, you know what to do. Achtung. Helga! Don’t shove it down there! Helga, stop touching me! I’m trying to... shit, they heard that! Okay, Helga, not down there! Up here. Damn it, Helga, I said... uhhh... hey, it\'s kinda numb now... do it again. Ohhh... this game... is fun... with sausage! Hmmm... once the bees are dead, it makes for a nice texture.