ADAM SANDLER - SHHH... DON'T TELL

Adam,
Remember when we first started dating back in the early Nineties? You used to make me laugh so hard, and I loved you for it. I admired everything you did: Billy Madison; Happy Gilmore; Opera Man. You were great at your craft, and good to me. Some people didn\'t understand your sense of humor, chalking it up simply to moronic, kiddie behavior. And it was. But it was funny, and that was all that mattered.
True, you and I started to grow apart when I went away to college. We didn\'t talk as frequently after your second album came out. Or third. Or fourth. But I always held you in my heart, knowing that you were a good, kind, and funny man. And I never gave up hope. Ever.
Then you did Punch-Drunk Love, and I saw a completely different side of you, Adam. A serious side. A side that acted well. And I thought this was a pivotal turning point for you; a chance to show the rest of the world how well-rounded and talented you were.
Unfortunately, I was wrong. Your new album, Shhh... Don\'t Tell, shoves your creativity back into your mom\'s womb. With such hilarious subject matter as ball-shaving, an old man getting injured in numerous sports, and a gay robot, your album gives humor a bad name. And that\'s not even mentioning your \"rap\" tune, \"The Mayor Of Pussytown\". Speaking of which, please never rap again... even as a joke.
So, it is with a deep heart that I have to tell you that we are over, Adam. For good this time. I\'ll mail you the items you\'ve left at my house. I still believe you\'re a good man. I just can\'t take it anymore.
Sincerely,
- Wayne