ROVING REPORTER NOT SO ROVING

TOPEKA, KS - Early Friday morning, after having been in bed for a mere 15 minutes, newspaper reporter Klark Kable was awakened by his vacationing neighbors\' alarm clock.
\"At first, I thought it was some sort of problem with the ventilation,\" stated Kable. \"But when I concentrated hard enough, I could tell it was coming from the other side of my bedroom wall.\"
After two hours, Kable realized the alarm wasn\'t going to shut itself off. He also remembered that the Connells, of 392 Oak Street, were not returning until Monday.
When feigned attempts at karate chopping their front door and trying to dig through his bedroom wall failed, Kable began to become somewhat delirious.
\"At first, I was upset at the lack of consideration my neighbors had shown me,\" said Kable. \"But then I began to feel empowered. I didn’t need sleep. Just think of all the hours I waste every day with sleeping. I could clean out my den and repaint the bathroom. I could finish that novel I had started, and I could start working out, and I could and I could and you know what I think they don’t know this yet but I\'m stealing all the gingerbread men, and I\'s a gonna drive \'em away in my big red fire truck!\"
Shortly thereafter, Kable started raging about the droning noise and asking people outside of the 7-Eleven if they heard it as well. He then collapsed on the sidewalk.