PARENTAL GROUP OFFENDED BY ADVICE COLUMN

TOLEDO, OH - Local advocacy group Standards and Practices for Ejaculation in Writing (SPEW) has publicly stated their disapproval of the magazine tastes like chicken for their October edition of the reoccurring column Matters Of The Heart.
Group spokesperson Julie Blowhard was outraged, \"Writing an article that implies a 14-year-old girl feasting on a load of sweet semen is something we find appalling. We’re taking drastic measures to protest this horrible magazine before more of our children can be affected by this disgusting behavior. Oh, and by the way, Tina Peters? If you’re reading this, like, do you have Shia’s email address? Because I’m, like, totally his biggest fan! ;)\"
For the record, Mrs. Blowhard actually enunciated \"...semicolon, like, close parenthesis.\"