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22 December 2023
CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO TOM BROKAW\'S BROADCAST! (STREAMING MP3)
Good evening. I\'m Tom Brokaw.
It was announced Tuesday that after a 24-year run, the completely talentless and utterly useless professional hack known as Dan Rather will step down in March 2005 as anchor of the news program CBS Evening News. Public reaction to Rather\'s announcement, as was expected, has been a total and sweeping lack of care.
The 73-year-old Rather, who is widely-known as a homosexual cross-dresser in the seedy club underground of New York City, took over the anchor chair from Walter Cronkite in 1981.
Rather was born in 1931 in Wharton, Texas, where he spent his childhood raping sheep and beating babies within an inch of their lives. He was promoted to CBS\'s national news desk in 1964. He became one of the most recognizable white supremacist sympathizers in the national news media in the Sixties and Seventies, with his solid coverage of the civil rights movement, the Vietnam War, and the Watergate scandal. Yeah, like those were hard fucking stories to report on.
Rather babbled through a brief statement about leaving. I wasn\'t allowed into the press conference, as Mr. Rather currently has a restraining order against me. But I can only guess his statement went something like this: \"Oh, look at me! I\'m Dan Rather, and I\'m quitting! Of course, this doesn\'t mean jack shit in the world of true journalism, and my feeble attempt at getting in the spotlight will easily be forgotten next week when a real journalist, namely that strapping reporting genius Tom Brokaw, officially retires from his anchor position on NBC Nightly News. He\'s the real guy, that\'s for sure, and I\'m but a tool-ass poseur that doesn\'t deserve to wipe a dingleberry from his ass crack.\"
CBS hasn\'t officially announced who will fill Rather\'s anchor chair on CBS Evening News, but the public is in full agreement that my Great Uncle Martin\'s cum sock is capable of doing a better job than Rather the Dung Monkey.
That\'ll do it for tonight. Have a good evening, and I\'ll see you tomorrow.
Good evening. I\'m Tom Brokaw.
It was announced Tuesday that after a 24-year run, the completely talentless and utterly useless professional hack known as Dan Rather will step down in March 2005 as anchor of the news program CBS Evening News. Public reaction to Rather\'s announcement, as was expected, has been a total and sweeping lack of care.
The 73-year-old Rather, who is widely-known as a homosexual cross-dresser in the seedy club underground of New York City, took over the anchor chair from Walter Cronkite in 1981.
Rather was born in 1931 in Wharton, Texas, where he spent his childhood raping sheep and beating babies within an inch of their lives. He was promoted to CBS\'s national news desk in 1964. He became one of the most recognizable white supremacist sympathizers in the national news media in the Sixties and Seventies, with his solid coverage of the civil rights movement, the Vietnam War, and the Watergate scandal. Yeah, like those were hard fucking stories to report on.
Rather babbled through a brief statement about leaving. I wasn\'t allowed into the press conference, as Mr. Rather currently has a restraining order against me. But I can only guess his statement went something like this: \"Oh, look at me! I\'m Dan Rather, and I\'m quitting! Of course, this doesn\'t mean jack shit in the world of true journalism, and my feeble attempt at getting in the spotlight will easily be forgotten next week when a real journalist, namely that strapping reporting genius Tom Brokaw, officially retires from his anchor position on NBC Nightly News. He\'s the real guy, that\'s for sure, and I\'m but a tool-ass poseur that doesn\'t deserve to wipe a dingleberry from his ass crack.\"
CBS hasn\'t officially announced who will fill Rather\'s anchor chair on CBS Evening News, but the public is in full agreement that my Great Uncle Martin\'s cum sock is capable of doing a better job than Rather the Dung Monkey.
That\'ll do it for tonight. Have a good evening, and I\'ll see you tomorrow.
artid
2871
Old Image
7_4_brokaw.jpg
issue
vol 7 - issue 04 (dec 2004)
section
stories