admin
22 December 2023
Government geneticists scored another one for Uncle Sam when, after 20 years of intense research, they successfully grew a clone of master magician Doug Henning on the back of 59-year-old Lake Powell, Utah resident, Chuckie Wistey.
The U.S. has been jockeying to be the first country to effectively reproduce a magician from skin cells and DNA samples for the past decade since the discovery of similar experiments by China and the former Soviet Empire.
“When Deng Xiaoping agreed to funding for Chinese scientists to reproduce David Copperfield from a gentleman’s kneecap, we knew our time was running short,” said government geneticist Edward Blake. “Brezhnev had Soviet geneticists working on cloning Siegfried and Roy and produced a photo of the two growing from a man’s buttocks, but we can’t confirm they were actually growing out of his buttocks, if you know what I mean.”
After seeing Russia be the first country to create singing pancakes, Blake realized how important their task was.
“We’d managed to grow Henning’s moustache on a Mormon’s testicles which solidified continuing government grants. But a testicular moustache is a far cry from a whole magician.”
Though having achieved this scientific milestone, Blake said the U.S. had no intentions of attempting to clone any other magicians.
“There really aren’t any modern magicians worth mentioning other than David Blaine, and it’s a well known fact that Blaine is a tool of Satan.”
Wistey is reported to be in good health, though he complains that the Henning clone’s moustache often tickles him when he sleeps.
The U.S. has been jockeying to be the first country to effectively reproduce a magician from skin cells and DNA samples for the past decade since the discovery of similar experiments by China and the former Soviet Empire.
“When Deng Xiaoping agreed to funding for Chinese scientists to reproduce David Copperfield from a gentleman’s kneecap, we knew our time was running short,” said government geneticist Edward Blake. “Brezhnev had Soviet geneticists working on cloning Siegfried and Roy and produced a photo of the two growing from a man’s buttocks, but we can’t confirm they were actually growing out of his buttocks, if you know what I mean.”
After seeing Russia be the first country to create singing pancakes, Blake realized how important their task was.
“We’d managed to grow Henning’s moustache on a Mormon’s testicles which solidified continuing government grants. But a testicular moustache is a far cry from a whole magician.”
Though having achieved this scientific milestone, Blake said the U.S. had no intentions of attempting to clone any other magicians.
“There really aren’t any modern magicians worth mentioning other than David Blaine, and it’s a well known fact that Blaine is a tool of Satan.”
Wistey is reported to be in good health, though he complains that the Henning clone’s moustache often tickles him when he sleeps.
artid
237
Old Image
3_11_henning.swf
issue
vol 3 - issue 11 (aug 2001)
section
stories