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22 December 2023
WHERE OUR MADCAP MAN OF THE HOUR GOES POSTAL AND GETS FRANK WITH KNUCKLEHEADS IN HIGH PLACES.
This month frank wrote to everyone's favorite Grateful Dead-esque band, PHISH!
Dear Trey, Fish, Mike and Page,
I’m not really much into the whole correspondence thing, but given your recent announcement to indefinitely break from touring, I had no choice but to write you. Man, I don’t know what I’m going to do! I first heard your band back in March or April of 1990-something (Sorry. My memory isn’t so good these days). Since that fateful day, I’ve been following you dudes non-stop. I’ve dedicated my life to, like, the ideals and philosophies of the Phish community. Back in my "B.P." days (Before Phish), I was all studying to be a doctor at Harvard. I was consumed with bad scenes like money, commercialism and bathing. Sure, I could’ve graduated and, like, helped sick people and stuff. But I really would’ve only been helping "The Man" perpetuate his capitalism and greed. I was all bummed and downtrodden. Your music made me happy again, so that’s why I decided to chuck it all and follow you. My parents, who are both doctors, weren’t down with my new plan. They kicked me out of the house with only my BMW and $100,000 in my checking account. Worst of all, they said they were only going to give me $2,000 a month to live on. I couldn’t believe they were being so mean, but they are just puppets of the capitalist system. It was lonely at first because the other Phish-heads didn’t seem to like me. I had some extra money, so I bought a 50 pound brick of this stuff called “Acapulco Gold.” After me and my 200 new friends finished smoking that “Acapulco Gold,” I realized I had finally found people who really liked me for me, and didn’t care about material stuff. I have learned how to make my living within the Phish community. I make and sell 100% organic, non-dairy socks with pictures of Jerry Garcia on them. But because of your hiatus I now have nothing. Here’s where you guys can help a brother out. I’ve really come to depend on these little foot-warmers as a means to live, man. Sure, my capitalist pig parents keep sending me money, but most of that goes toward my expensive drug habit and buying blank tapes to record your shows. I really don’t have any other skills, or the ability to identify with anything outside of the Phish community anymore. Since I totally worship you guys, I was wondering if I could park my Beamer on one of your front lawns and sell my socks while you’re on break. It would be just me, my socks and 2,200 people who are like me.
Rock On,
frank “The Dude” putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
This month frank wrote to everyone's favorite Grateful Dead-esque band, PHISH!
Dear Trey, Fish, Mike and Page,
I’m not really much into the whole correspondence thing, but given your recent announcement to indefinitely break from touring, I had no choice but to write you. Man, I don’t know what I’m going to do! I first heard your band back in March or April of 1990-something (Sorry. My memory isn’t so good these days). Since that fateful day, I’ve been following you dudes non-stop. I’ve dedicated my life to, like, the ideals and philosophies of the Phish community. Back in my "B.P." days (Before Phish), I was all studying to be a doctor at Harvard. I was consumed with bad scenes like money, commercialism and bathing. Sure, I could’ve graduated and, like, helped sick people and stuff. But I really would’ve only been helping "The Man" perpetuate his capitalism and greed. I was all bummed and downtrodden. Your music made me happy again, so that’s why I decided to chuck it all and follow you. My parents, who are both doctors, weren’t down with my new plan. They kicked me out of the house with only my BMW and $100,000 in my checking account. Worst of all, they said they were only going to give me $2,000 a month to live on. I couldn’t believe they were being so mean, but they are just puppets of the capitalist system. It was lonely at first because the other Phish-heads didn’t seem to like me. I had some extra money, so I bought a 50 pound brick of this stuff called “Acapulco Gold.” After me and my 200 new friends finished smoking that “Acapulco Gold,” I realized I had finally found people who really liked me for me, and didn’t care about material stuff. I have learned how to make my living within the Phish community. I make and sell 100% organic, non-dairy socks with pictures of Jerry Garcia on them. But because of your hiatus I now have nothing. Here’s where you guys can help a brother out. I’ve really come to depend on these little foot-warmers as a means to live, man. Sure, my capitalist pig parents keep sending me money, but most of that goes toward my expensive drug habit and buying blank tapes to record your shows. I really don’t have any other skills, or the ability to identify with anything outside of the Phish community anymore. Since I totally worship you guys, I was wondering if I could park my Beamer on one of your front lawns and sell my socks while you’re on break. It would be just me, my socks and 2,200 people who are like me.
Rock On,
frank “The Dude” putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
artid
439
Old Image
3_4_phish.swf
issue
vol 3 - issue 04 (dec 2000)
section
stories