HOW IT IS

Get this through your head: no matter what path you choose in life or what decisions you might make, nothing you do is ever going to be good enough or prepare you for this kind of hell. Are we clear on this? When, and I do mean when, you hesitate in the slightest to fully defend what is rightfully your space, you will have lost the war, friend. Give an inch and they will try to take that mile. Give them a thread and they will knot it just so, toss one end over a high branch, and yank your silly ass right off your horse. Show the slightest sign of vulnerability, and they will dig and chase it with a dull steak knife. They will carve a chink in your armor and drag it out of you, kicking and screaming. They will stab it again and again until your eyes glaze over and you are just a number. Be advised: this is the way it is, and Christmas is right around the corner. Everybody and their grandmother is gonna be out with a practiced smile and an empty bucket, looking to lasso some of your hard-earned pesos. Are you gonna be a victim? Remember, no direct eye contact. Count your change and pocket it before leaving the store, and always have something in your hand to stare at. Oh, and practice your quick-draw, “Sorry, Not Today” smile in the mirror until you get it right. Heed my warning now, and you'll still have a few bucks handy when I hit you up for a drink. Keep your guard up. Happy Holidays. I'm smokin' joe blow.