WHAT'S YO' FUNKTION?

Suddenly, I had an interesting thought. Wouldn't it be cool if jive became the official national language? I could run for president and make that the basis of my platform. I would start the Jive Turkey Party! It would be neither conservative nor liberal; it would be FUNKY! No, it would be the Super Soul-Fighter Party! I would make Jesse Jackson my VP. He would train me to say a bunch of rhyming, nonsensical jive so no one could win a debate against me-- I would be busy confusing the hell out of them! I would make James Brown the Secretary of Soul, and George Clinton would be the Funk Majority Leader. Delicious Dan and the Dingleberry Delights would play at the convention and they could be the house band in the White House. Lord, have mercy! It's on! Look out, baby, because the funk is comin' to your town, so y'all better get down! Dig it! Oooohh! Check this out: there would be a new version of Star Trek called Soul Trek: The Funkadelic Nation. It would be a ghetto hybrid of Star Trek and The Love Boat. Barry White would be Captain, and his captain’s chair would be a rotating bed with big 18" speakers around it pumpin' booty music. All the lights on the ship would be dimmed with shag carpeting and fuzzy walls and shit. All the crew would have corn-rows and afros. All the uniforms would be made by Fubu and Tommy Hilfiger. The ship would have a big dome over it that lowered like the Astrodome, so it could be a drop top! It would have chrome thrusters, all pimped out with a sweet paint job. The thrusters could also be specially made to tilt the ship to one side to give it some three-thruster motion. And last, but not least, it would have a chain-link license plate holder with neons underneath.