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22 December 2023
I arrived with my fearless friend Darby O'Gill. We were there to buy the new Star Wars toys. The section was cordoned off until 12:01AM, and was guarded by blood-thirsty senior citizens. After being questioned by the slack-jawed store managers, I was commanded to not cross the yellow tape. Certain death would most likely have followed. The minutes lagged by, and more and more people swaggered in with desperately hungry eyes-- hungry for Star Wars. I began to panic and ordered my flank man to hold at the other end of the aisle. Darby, who was already keeping a sly distance from the commotion with his typical suave demeanor, quickly sprang to action like a jungle cat in heat. My one command: take no prisoners. My torment briefly turned to agitation as each new mysterious figure was revealed from a distance.
"Oohh! That one’s wearing a white hood!"
"C-3PO comes with removable metallic skin!"
"Legos! Sweet Jesus, Legos!"
And then "the one" arrived. The one everyone was waiting for: Yoda. And there was only one on a peg farthest from me. I screamed ecstatically to my wing man, "Darby, you beautiful bastard, if you don't get that one you're walking home tonight!" The intense fire in my eyes told him I meant business. Seven minutes later, the orgy of blood, flying hair, cardboard and bits of plastic ceased, leaving only the strong victors still standing. I plundered 28 action figures, four vehicles, three 12" action figures, and three different lightsabers. So, how do these new figures rate? They’re the best yet. They have fabulous sculpts and paint jobs, and wonderful accessories. Each figure even has a cool action feature: the Jedi all have a magnet in their hand to magically attract a metal lightsaber. All in all, my favorite items have to be the full-size lightsabers. Hasbro has finally been able to produce a blue one that glows very brightly. Bravo. Even so, the evil count Dooku's red crooked saber is just so damned cool; it's definitely my favorite. Thankfully the splendid ends definitely justified the carnivorous means. I'm already preparing myself for 2005.
"Oohh! That one’s wearing a white hood!"
"C-3PO comes with removable metallic skin!"
"Legos! Sweet Jesus, Legos!"
And then "the one" arrived. The one everyone was waiting for: Yoda. And there was only one on a peg farthest from me. I screamed ecstatically to my wing man, "Darby, you beautiful bastard, if you don't get that one you're walking home tonight!" The intense fire in my eyes told him I meant business. Seven minutes later, the orgy of blood, flying hair, cardboard and bits of plastic ceased, leaving only the strong victors still standing. I plundered 28 action figures, four vehicles, three 12" action figures, and three different lightsabers. So, how do these new figures rate? They’re the best yet. They have fabulous sculpts and paint jobs, and wonderful accessories. Each figure even has a cool action feature: the Jedi all have a magnet in their hand to magically attract a metal lightsaber. All in all, my favorite items have to be the full-size lightsabers. Hasbro has finally been able to produce a blue one that glows very brightly. Bravo. Even so, the evil count Dooku's red crooked saber is just so damned cool; it's definitely my favorite. Thankfully the splendid ends definitely justified the carnivorous means. I'm already preparing myself for 2005.
artid
771
Old Image
4_10_yoda.swf
issue
vol 4 - issue 10 (jun 2002)
section
entertainmental