SIGNS, SIGNS, EVERYWHERE SIGNS

This is my first movie review for the paper, and as such, I was not exactly sure how I wanted to write it. The context of this one review could quite possibly affect every future review I write. It was a tremendous burden, because I know how much people demand from their critics. My article would undoubtedly make or break the picture I review. The power, the tremendous power! I felt it coursing through my veins! Talk about the ultimate temptation.
Thankfully, my first film was Signs; a movie I really enjoyed a great deal. It filled every expectation I had and more.
It was very tense and unnerving. Halfway through, I found myself squeezing my index finger erratically. I can't remember the last time I saw a movie that completely filled me with anxiety as Signs did. As the film drew closer to the climax I kept repeating in my head, "Oh shit, what the hell is going to happen next? I must know now!"
Signs was also a sincere, warm film. The dynamic that Gibson had toward his onscreen children was really special. Why wasn't my father as understanding, compassionate and thoughtful? If only real life were like a movie. Sure there is that whole alien apocalypse thing. But it’s a small price to pay for Mel.
This film was also very funny. I could allude to a particularly funny moment at this point, but why ruin it? Just take my word for it.
I could go on and give a typical review that gives all set up information; all the character bios and shooting locations. I could also use a lot of fabulous clichés like "real nail bitter" and "summer thriller," but is all that necessary? Just know this: Signs is a spectacular movie, with great performances by Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix. Even the children, played by Patricia Kalember and Rory Culkin, performed wonderfully.
What more can I say? Go see this movie. Right now! What the hell else do you have to do?