FREAK FILMS: GINGER SNAPS

The ‘80s can be described and categorized in a dozen ways, but they will always be known to me as the decade of horror. Now that I think about it, that title covers the ‘80s as a whole, but I meant horror flicks. Ginger Snaps is not a self-referential "scary" movie filled with pretty TV teen drama defectors, as the cute title would suggest. Instead, it is a sweet-scented, gore-stained love letter to those of us who love old-school horror. This little gem is also free of digital tomfoolery. It’s all rubber and Karo, baby, just like American Werewolf in London and Offspring. Set amongst the mundane cookie-cutter life of Midwestern suburbia we find sisters Ginger and Brigitte. Katharine Isabelle and Emily Perkins star as the sisters. They have a charming goth, antisocial disgust for everything and everyone around them, including their menstruation-obsessed mother, portrayed brilliantly by Mimi Rodgers. Like any emotionally detached teen, they plot elaborate ways to kill themselves, even to the point of filming mock death scenes for a school project. When they extend the fun to the “bitchy girl’s” pet dog, the "Beast of Bailey Downs” hones in on her womanly scent and attacks Ginger. They narrowly escape death, and upon returning home find that Ginger’s wounds are miraculously healed and that she’s changing. This is a grand delight to her oblivious mother and the horny boys at school. Brigitte just wants her sister back they way she was before she grew the tail and extra tits. She employs the help of the local weed dealer to concoct a cure for her ravenous sister. The great thing about this flick is the screenwriting. You actually give a shit about these two kooky chicks and what happens to their sisterly relationship. A lesser writer would have made them lesbians, hell-bent on feeding on manflesh and “turning” the local housewives. The supporting cast is a bit cartoonish, but it makes their deaths that much more enjoyable. Mimi Rogers steals her scenes. The creature effects, while not spectacular, are still pretty bitchin’. This flick is well worth a rent just for the gore alone. Speaking of classic horror flicks, Michael Bay has plans to do a “more accessible version of Tobe Hooper’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I swear to whatever God you pray to that if you do this unspeakable act, I will gut you like a White Chapel whore.