I WILL PUMP YOUR GAS.

There's a reason the head cheese at the British Petroleum Home Office elected me Corporate Employee of the Year for the seventh consecutive year in 2002: because I pump gas like nobody's business. “But, Hector,” you say, “why would I have you pump my car full of choice British Petrol when good God's America is full of cost-efficient self-service stations? What self-respecting third grade graduate would pay to have their fuel pumped by another human being, which would then warrant an additional financial gratuity?” There's only one way to answer that, and that's through sheer first-person observation of the master in action. Bring your wheels on by my fill station, and I'll pump your gas like a champ. Or my name's not Hector Walton-Hoffelsberger, seven-time British Petroleum Employee of the Year.