admin
22 December 2023
Listen up, knuckleheads: I go to the library to get books, not bothered. Unfortunately, every time I make a break for the stacks to find some simple reading material, one of you Barney Fife rent-a-pigs is there, asking me to lunch in exchange for a little "something-something", or saying some dumb shit like, "How do you expect any of us to concentrate on our jobs when you come in here looking as good as you do?"
Puh-leeze.
Let me give you Don Juan Johnsons a piece of Miami Advice: stop. For the love of all things holy, stop. No woman in her right mind would endear herself to some Police Academy flunkies like you goons. And I'm no exception.
I asked my vinnie to storm on down there and serve up a hot and tasty plate of the what-what to you fools, but he just laughed at the matter. He also said he feels bad for me, that I can't get hit on by anything better than a glorified hall monitor. Not that one's job is at all important to who they are as a person.
Too bad you guys are all slimeballs as people.
Maybe you assumed that, since women like men in uniform, we'll automatically gravitate toward you and your authoritarian garb. Guess again, Officer Poncharello. Women (most women) like men in uniforms that warrant respect, like cops or military personnel. Your uniforms are the "Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?" equivalent of the law enforcement world.
Now, don't get me wrong. This doesn't apply to all Public Library Security Guards. Some of you are kind, decent people, who put your life on the line every day to prevent the criminal element from up and leaving the building with a book they haven't checked out. For this, I thank you. But the rest of you are syphilitic turdbags who see me as nothing more than a uteran motel with ample vacancy. And for that, I hope you all get reincarnated as buttholes. Active buttholes frequently visited by strange, foreign objects.
Puh-leeze.
Let me give you Don Juan Johnsons a piece of Miami Advice: stop. For the love of all things holy, stop. No woman in her right mind would endear herself to some Police Academy flunkies like you goons. And I'm no exception.
I asked my vinnie to storm on down there and serve up a hot and tasty plate of the what-what to you fools, but he just laughed at the matter. He also said he feels bad for me, that I can't get hit on by anything better than a glorified hall monitor. Not that one's job is at all important to who they are as a person.
Too bad you guys are all slimeballs as people.
Maybe you assumed that, since women like men in uniform, we'll automatically gravitate toward you and your authoritarian garb. Guess again, Officer Poncharello. Women (most women) like men in uniforms that warrant respect, like cops or military personnel. Your uniforms are the "Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?" equivalent of the law enforcement world.
Now, don't get me wrong. This doesn't apply to all Public Library Security Guards. Some of you are kind, decent people, who put your life on the line every day to prevent the criminal element from up and leaving the building with a book they haven't checked out. For this, I thank you. But the rest of you are syphilitic turdbags who see me as nothing more than a uteran motel with ample vacancy. And for that, I hope you all get reincarnated as buttholes. Active buttholes frequently visited by strange, foreign objects.
artid
24
Old Image
4_6_library.swf
issue
vol 4 - issue 06 (feb 2002)
section
stories