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22 December 2023
Greetings, Earthlings! I am your fearless leader, Captain George-Luc Picard the Dubyanator. I’m writing to you today from my “working vacation” here at George Wallace Country Club and Resort-- “The White Way to Welax!”. It’s the most beautiful resort in the United States, if you asked me. But, you didn’t. So ignore that last part.
What have I been doing on my vacation? Well, unfortunately, I’ve been working. Sort of. Working on what, you ask?
Well, I did brush up on my reading. I’m now up to a third grade level and can pretty much read all my memos. Colin bought me a remote control Zaxxo Bot because I did so well. I take it everywhere with me. “Oh, there goes Dubya and his Zaxxo Bot! He’s crazy!”
But the biggest task I done undertook,.. wait-- can’t I just save time and say "donedertook"? Wouldn’t that be a compound word? I learned all about those this summer. Someone email me and let me know.
Anyway, the biggest thing I donedertook was my new plan of action. But it required a bit of assistance. So I called up my nigga, Kofi Annan. I was all like, “Yo, Kof-dawg!” And he was like, “Mr. President, please don’t talk to me like I’m some common street thug.” And I was all like, “Word life, G. Listen. This gay sex shit is blizzowed izzup. You got my back?” And he was all like, “Sigh,.. okay. But stop acting like we’re 'down'.” And I was all like, “Catch you on the real, bra!”
You see, our intelligence offices have reason to believe that homosexuals possess weapons of mass destruction. But it’s kinda complicated. Basically, gay people are witches. Especially men. How do we know this? Well, when one gay man witch puts his pee-pee in another gay man witch, it’s called sodomy, which is dangerously close to “Saddam-y”. That was the dead give-away. These Saddamists are using their gay witch sex to disrupt our great nation’s moral rightness. Their goal is to spread gayness into each and every good, proper Christian home, with their immoral pee-pee terror.
When the CIA and FBI came to me with this situation, they explained that it was not entirely true. I took that as a sign that swift action must be tooken. So, I had someone with nice handwriting and a solid understanding of the English language write up a proposal for me to present to Congress. It states, plain and simple, that in the coming months, we will launch a full-on military strike against Homosexica, which is where all the gay witches live. With the help of the UN, we hope to rid the world of this new terrorist threat, and restore moral goodness to peace-loving peoples everywhere.
God bless America,
- Dubya
dubya@tlchicken.com
What have I been doing on my vacation? Well, unfortunately, I’ve been working. Sort of. Working on what, you ask?
Well, I did brush up on my reading. I’m now up to a third grade level and can pretty much read all my memos. Colin bought me a remote control Zaxxo Bot because I did so well. I take it everywhere with me. “Oh, there goes Dubya and his Zaxxo Bot! He’s crazy!”
But the biggest task I done undertook,.. wait-- can’t I just save time and say "donedertook"? Wouldn’t that be a compound word? I learned all about those this summer. Someone email me and let me know.
Anyway, the biggest thing I donedertook was my new plan of action. But it required a bit of assistance. So I called up my nigga, Kofi Annan. I was all like, “Yo, Kof-dawg!” And he was like, “Mr. President, please don’t talk to me like I’m some common street thug.” And I was all like, “Word life, G. Listen. This gay sex shit is blizzowed izzup. You got my back?” And he was all like, “Sigh,.. okay. But stop acting like we’re 'down'.” And I was all like, “Catch you on the real, bra!”
You see, our intelligence offices have reason to believe that homosexuals possess weapons of mass destruction. But it’s kinda complicated. Basically, gay people are witches. Especially men. How do we know this? Well, when one gay man witch puts his pee-pee in another gay man witch, it’s called sodomy, which is dangerously close to “Saddam-y”. That was the dead give-away. These Saddamists are using their gay witch sex to disrupt our great nation’s moral rightness. Their goal is to spread gayness into each and every good, proper Christian home, with their immoral pee-pee terror.
When the CIA and FBI came to me with this situation, they explained that it was not entirely true. I took that as a sign that swift action must be tooken. So, I had someone with nice handwriting and a solid understanding of the English language write up a proposal for me to present to Congress. It states, plain and simple, that in the coming months, we will launch a full-on military strike against Homosexica, which is where all the gay witches live. With the help of the UN, we hope to rid the world of this new terrorist threat, and restore moral goodness to peace-loving peoples everywhere.
God bless America,
- Dubya
dubya@tlchicken.com
artid
1574
Old Image
6_1_dubya.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 01 (sep 2003)
section
stories