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22 December 2023
WHERE OUR MADCAP MAN OF THE HOUR GOES POSTAL AND GETS FRANK WITH KNUCKLEHEADS IN HIGH PLACES.
This month frank wrote to the accomodating folks at THE BELLAGIO HOTEL in Las Vegas.
Dear Hotel Manager,
I will be flying out to Las Vegas sometime in late May for this year's annual Brotherhood of Gay Dentists Convention, which will be held on the outskirts of your fine city. Normally I would have little difficulty procuring a room with so much advance notice, but there are several special accommodations I will need to ensure that my stay is a satisfactory one. I was hoping you could help me. If possible, I would like to know if you have room to accommodate some of my personal items and inventions that I will be unveiling at the convention: a 200-gallon tank of experimental local anesthetic, a crate of carbide steel dental picks (4' x 2' x 3') and a case of special hydrogen peroxide whitening toothpaste (2' x 3' x 2"). I would like to keep these items in a secure area, preferably under guard. I will also require space for a 5' square cage in my sleeping quarters for my diminutive manservant, Ralphus. The little talliwacker has a tendency to try escaping when I am not around, so I will need someone from your staff to guard his cage to ensure that he doesn't cause an incident like he did at Caesar's Palace last year. I'm sure the last thing either of us needs is a dwarf in assless chaps running about shooting Vaseline at your guests with a two-gallon capacity Super Soaker. He should remain in check as long as your people remember to rub his belly every two hours and read to him from his favorite Amy Tan book while I am hobnobbing at the convention. Feeding him will be of little concern as he only eats Gummi Bears, Saltines and cat food. You may use Ralphus for whatever tasks you see fit while I am out. He excels at cleaning toilets with his mouth, taking beatings and making gingerbread cookies. Please bear in mind that money is no object. I eagerly await your response.
Sincerely,
frank putzerelli, D.D.S.
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
This month frank wrote to the accomodating folks at THE BELLAGIO HOTEL in Las Vegas.
Dear Hotel Manager,
I will be flying out to Las Vegas sometime in late May for this year's annual Brotherhood of Gay Dentists Convention, which will be held on the outskirts of your fine city. Normally I would have little difficulty procuring a room with so much advance notice, but there are several special accommodations I will need to ensure that my stay is a satisfactory one. I was hoping you could help me. If possible, I would like to know if you have room to accommodate some of my personal items and inventions that I will be unveiling at the convention: a 200-gallon tank of experimental local anesthetic, a crate of carbide steel dental picks (4' x 2' x 3') and a case of special hydrogen peroxide whitening toothpaste (2' x 3' x 2"). I would like to keep these items in a secure area, preferably under guard. I will also require space for a 5' square cage in my sleeping quarters for my diminutive manservant, Ralphus. The little talliwacker has a tendency to try escaping when I am not around, so I will need someone from your staff to guard his cage to ensure that he doesn't cause an incident like he did at Caesar's Palace last year. I'm sure the last thing either of us needs is a dwarf in assless chaps running about shooting Vaseline at your guests with a two-gallon capacity Super Soaker. He should remain in check as long as your people remember to rub his belly every two hours and read to him from his favorite Amy Tan book while I am hobnobbing at the convention. Feeding him will be of little concern as he only eats Gummi Bears, Saltines and cat food. You may use Ralphus for whatever tasks you see fit while I am out. He excels at cleaning toilets with his mouth, taking beatings and making gingerbread cookies. Please bear in mind that money is no object. I eagerly await your response.
Sincerely,
frank putzerelli, D.D.S.
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
artid
54
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4_7_putz.swf
issue
vol 4 - issue 07 (mar 2002)
section
stories