COME AGAIN? YOU DON'T HAVE WHAT?

The following is an exchange between myself and the pimply-faced little shit behind the counter at the local movie theater.
Pimply-Faced Little Shit: “Sorry, sir. We phased out the Sno-Caps."
funk: “What do you mean you’ve ‘phased out’ Sno-Caps? How can you phase out a delicious classic like Sno-Caps? They’re part of the American cinema experience. You need that delicate balance of semisweet chocolate morsels and tiny beads of candy joy to offset the buttery, over-salted, often stale popcorn. What the fuck is going on around here? What the fuck is that? You have Reese’s Pieces and Reese’s Cups. They’re the same goddamn thing! Plus, you have chocolate covered peanuts. Do you people have a hard-on for peanut products? Gummi Worms and Gummi Bears; again, it’s the same fucking thing. Do you mean to tell me that the movie-going public is going to give a shit what shape their Gummi or gritty peanut butter is in before they shove it down their gullet, enough so that you omit Sno-Caps from the selection? You have nothing representing the semi-sweet chocolate realm. Nothing, you stupid little fuck. You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you? To induce a sugar coma with your sickeningly sweet treats and syrupy fountain beverages. You’d like me to quietly slip away in a flickering celluloid moment, wouldn’t you? Well fuck you, you bow-tied Judas! I brought my own box of Sno-Caps!”