admin
22 December 2023
Okay, so, like, Staff Member #716 gave me the soundtrack to Holes, which is only, like, the greatest movie ever, and stars, like, the awesomest hottest actor ever, Shia LaBe-OH MY GAWD! HE’S RAPPING! SHIA IS RAPPING! Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! This is the awesomest soundtrack ever! Like, this is only the first song and already I feel like I do when Billy McKitrick looks at me from across the cafeteria, or like when I sit on the dryer while I’m doing my laundry.
Wait a minute,.. what is this crap? Shaggy? That hippy from Scooby-Doo? You can’t even understand what he’s saying. It’s like he’s got a mouth full of keys, or something. Crap. Skip it. Eels? Crap. Moby? CRAP CRAP CRAP!!! Who are these people, and why aren’t they Shia?!? I mean, I know Moby is that little elf dude who totally creeps me out when he smiles because he has elf people teeth, and he killed that whale and makes me dance, and that’s all noble and stuff, but where the crap is my hunky Jewish prince?!? Let’s see,.. after Moby is something called Teresa James & The Rhythm Tramps. Yeah, you’re half-right. I’d rather have my period than listen to this. After her? Like, old people crap. Sad, old people crap. Then some funky crap that steals some old people crap.
Vinnie says that Dr. John and Little Axe are cool bands-- maybe the coolest-- and that he can’t figure out why they’re on here.
He also said I’m a dumb teenager who doesn’t know good music. I think he’s just bitter because he can’t do it with my friend Amber, who totally looks like she’s 21 or something, even though she’s 15, and he can’t get freaky with her because of “Asia Consent Loss” or something that would, like, put him in jail.
Except for that very first song, this soundtrack blows. I wouldn’t give this to Kimmy Farnbort, that ho who was making out with Tim Stephenson at Amber’s party last weekend, when she knew I was going to, and then they did it, and he, like, gave her a cold or something, because she has a sore on her lip. She says it’s a cold sore, but I bet it's herpes.
VISIT SHIA'S HOLES HERE.
THEN CHECK OUT OUR ALL-NEW SHIA T-SHIRT!
PURCHASE THIS OR SIMILAR ITEMS
Wait a minute,.. what is this crap? Shaggy? That hippy from Scooby-Doo? You can’t even understand what he’s saying. It’s like he’s got a mouth full of keys, or something. Crap. Skip it. Eels? Crap. Moby? CRAP CRAP CRAP!!! Who are these people, and why aren’t they Shia?!? I mean, I know Moby is that little elf dude who totally creeps me out when he smiles because he has elf people teeth, and he killed that whale and makes me dance, and that’s all noble and stuff, but where the crap is my hunky Jewish prince?!? Let’s see,.. after Moby is something called Teresa James & The Rhythm Tramps. Yeah, you’re half-right. I’d rather have my period than listen to this. After her? Like, old people crap. Sad, old people crap. Then some funky crap that steals some old people crap.
Vinnie says that Dr. John and Little Axe are cool bands-- maybe the coolest-- and that he can’t figure out why they’re on here.
He also said I’m a dumb teenager who doesn’t know good music. I think he’s just bitter because he can’t do it with my friend Amber, who totally looks like she’s 21 or something, even though she’s 15, and he can’t get freaky with her because of “Asia Consent Loss” or something that would, like, put him in jail.
Except for that very first song, this soundtrack blows. I wouldn’t give this to Kimmy Farnbort, that ho who was making out with Tim Stephenson at Amber’s party last weekend, when she knew I was going to, and then they did it, and he, like, gave her a cold or something, because she has a sore on her lip. She says it’s a cold sore, but I bet it's herpes.
VISIT SHIA'S HOLES HERE.
THEN CHECK OUT OUR ALL-NEW SHIA T-SHIRT!
PURCHASE THIS OR SIMILAR ITEMS
artid
1738
Old Image
6_3_holes.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 03 (nov 2003)
section
entertainmental