FRANKLIN FURTER'S MATTERS OF THE HEART

EDITOR NOTE: Franklin has taken sick leave this month. (Also known as: Too tired to get clothes on, let alone get his lazy ass out of bed.) But in the interim, his son, Franklin Jr., will be writing the column this month. Yeah,.. it’s real cute. Just like that fucking Family Circus guy.
Dear Franklin,
Last week, my boss asked me to stay late to work on this proposal for a new client. I knew it was very important to secure this contract, as the economy has been so poor lately. Regardless, as soon as everyone left, he started making passes at me. It wasn’t anything too crude, but I felt uncomfortable nonetheless. He’s actually kinda cute, but he’s married; and I don’t want to mess up my career with some sort of office romance. What should I do?
Working Girl In Concord,
Sheila Harper
Shella,
You sound real nice. I am good that you writed me some letter there is nice. I don’t have me a job, I go to school some. I don’t like my teacher Mrs. Dunning. She makes us addition too much for me to play more. You have a problem with the romance. That is all that pink heart and vamentine day stuff. My dad says good thing is to listen to a woman good. But you are a woman, so I don’t know for to do. I don’t know some of those word you write big. In gym class we learned us some agrobats. I did the summer salt three times. My friend Cindy did the cartwheel.
Thank you for the good letter I hope you feel better.
Dear Franklin,
My girlfriend is completely controlling. She calls constantly, and always has to know where I am. The other night, I went out with some of the guys. She called me, like, 14 times. Then the guys started riling me, which just pissed me off more. Can’t I just play pool with the guys once in a while? It’s like she doesn’t trust me or something, which is funny, since she is always flirting with every guy she sees. Other than that, everything is great. We just can’t seem to get over this trust issue. Should I just dump her?
Not Looking For A Mother In Ann Arbor,
Barry Lynd
Barry you asks hard questions. If I knowed where to started I already would. You should probably ask some grown-up these question. Stevie Crook said to me girls have wajina, that’s about all I can tell. Maybe you should tell your girlfriend that you want to play with different persons on times. You still like to be her boyfriend but not all day long. Some time my cat Meaty Dog wants to play with me too long so I just say, "Meaty Dog, you are a good cat to play with but I need to play with my toys some and I have to do my chores some also." I think you can figure these out some more than I can so you should have good luck more.
HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MATTERS OF YOUR HEART? EMAIL FRANKLIN HERE FOR ALL THE ANSWERS.