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22 December 2023
Dear Franklin,
I recently went through a difficult breakup. I am not yet ready to find a new relationship, but I would really like to have sex; you know, one-night stands and stuff. Any advice?
Horny In The Heartland,
Gary Bower
Christ Almighty! Is that all you people want me for: sex? What happened to the nice long talks we used to have about, oh, I don’t know, dating etiquette or office crushes? Well, at least you came to me, Gary, and that gives me a little confidence boost. I mean, you could have gone to that Savage guy or written some dopey letter to Maxim. So for this I will reward you with the best advice you will ever hear for your question, although you must realize that I do not condone this advice, nor do I advocate sex without love. But this isn’t a sermon, so here goes,.. and remember you could always just try going to bars. Who knows, you might luck out with some sloshed vixen. Regardless, my method is sure-fire and free.
Step One: Locate a telephone directory from under that pile of clothes in your bedroom.
Step Two: Start randomly calling and propositioning women. Just kidding. Actually, look up the number for the sex addicts hotline in your community.
Step Three: Call the hotline and ask if they have a support group. Also ask when and where they meet.
Step Four: Shoot fish in barrel.
Dear Franklin,
Man, I love your radio program. You and your brother are hilarious. The problem I am having is with my ‘89 Ford Taurus. Every time I start it up when it is cold outside, it stalls and dies by the time I get down the block. Usually, it takes 15 minutes or so to get it started again, which is fine by me, but my boss is starting to complain about me being late all the time.
Lou Green
Lou,
Hmmm,.. okay, Lou,.. wait,.. alright. Lou, I think it would be easier if I just answered your question. Change the spark plugs and distributor cap. If this doesn’t help, it may be that during the course of the night the gasoline in your car is cooling to such a low temperature as to make it unsuitable for combustion. You might want to pump it from your car at night into a large open container, which you could place in your basement near a space heater and a large pile of oily rags. Or you could simply start commuting to work on a bicycle.
HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MATTERS OF YOUR HEART? EMAIL FRANKLIN HERE FOR ALL THE ANSWERS.
I recently went through a difficult breakup. I am not yet ready to find a new relationship, but I would really like to have sex; you know, one-night stands and stuff. Any advice?
Horny In The Heartland,
Gary Bower
Christ Almighty! Is that all you people want me for: sex? What happened to the nice long talks we used to have about, oh, I don’t know, dating etiquette or office crushes? Well, at least you came to me, Gary, and that gives me a little confidence boost. I mean, you could have gone to that Savage guy or written some dopey letter to Maxim. So for this I will reward you with the best advice you will ever hear for your question, although you must realize that I do not condone this advice, nor do I advocate sex without love. But this isn’t a sermon, so here goes,.. and remember you could always just try going to bars. Who knows, you might luck out with some sloshed vixen. Regardless, my method is sure-fire and free.
Step One: Locate a telephone directory from under that pile of clothes in your bedroom.
Step Two: Start randomly calling and propositioning women. Just kidding. Actually, look up the number for the sex addicts hotline in your community.
Step Three: Call the hotline and ask if they have a support group. Also ask when and where they meet.
Step Four: Shoot fish in barrel.
Dear Franklin,
Man, I love your radio program. You and your brother are hilarious. The problem I am having is with my ‘89 Ford Taurus. Every time I start it up when it is cold outside, it stalls and dies by the time I get down the block. Usually, it takes 15 minutes or so to get it started again, which is fine by me, but my boss is starting to complain about me being late all the time.
Lou Green
Lou,
Hmmm,.. okay, Lou,.. wait,.. alright. Lou, I think it would be easier if I just answered your question. Change the spark plugs and distributor cap. If this doesn’t help, it may be that during the course of the night the gasoline in your car is cooling to such a low temperature as to make it unsuitable for combustion. You might want to pump it from your car at night into a large open container, which you could place in your basement near a space heater and a large pile of oily rags. Or you could simply start commuting to work on a bicycle.
HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MATTERS OF YOUR HEART? EMAIL FRANKLIN HERE FOR ALL THE ANSWERS.
artid
1911
Old Image
6_5_franklin.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 05 (jan 2004)
section
stories