WORLD-RENOWNED HUMORIST SPOTTED AT STORE

HANNIBAL, MO - Last Thursday at a 7-11 on Brown Street, Tom Twinning claims to have spotted famed humorist Mark Twain purchasing a package of Twinkies and some Swisher Sweets cigars.
Though believed by most to have passed away some 93 years ago, Twinning is convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that the man he saw was none other than the beloved Samuel Clemens.
"I am not surprised in the least. I have been saying for years that he faked his death in order to boost sales of A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court," said Midgard Mitchell, of Mitchell's Conspiracy Theorist For Hire, one of only two conspiracy theorists in the world who back Twinning's claim.
Skeptics, of which there are too numerous to count, have pointed to the fact that Clemens would be in excess of 160 years old, making him the oldest living human in recorded history. They have also noted that the "photograph" Twinning took shows a man with flesh colored arms, while Clemen's face is clearly black-and-white.
"Well, you'd also look all gray and stuff if you were that old," said Twinning in rebuttal.
To solve this matter, we took the evidence to the street. (SEE GRAPH ABOVE.)