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22 December 2023
Pursuing The Liberal Penis
What are the needs of today's contemporary Democrat? What type of extracurricular female makes him rise to the occasion? And how can you approach him in a way that discreetly communicates your desire to satiate him? In this chapter, I will discuss this at length. Take notes!
Modern day liberals' sexual desires differ greatly from their predecessors. Historically speaking, there was never a specific type of woman to draw from. There were too many variables and possibilities. There was no continuity. Women who spent their youth trying to obtain a simple indiscretion with a political figure had little hope of doing so. Today, thanks to the media and right wing zealots, we have come to learn that there is, in fact, a very precise woman Democrats go for. Therefore, starry-eyed teens enamored with a president's televised speech that find themselves saying, "One day, I dream of blowing that president," now have the ability to prepare for that goal.
Our fearless lefties possess a voracious appetite for the California-born, yet Long Island archetypal Jewish female. If you're not Jewish, it doesn't mean the votes are "in" and you're "out". Heavens no! You'll only have a longer "To Do" list than others.
NOTE: Italian and Hispanic Catholic women have an advantage. Though, regardless of your ethnic background and overall appearance, I'll teach you how to completely reinvent yourself for him.
PLEASE ALSO NOTE: In the event you're a Jewish girl who's not sure if you meet the criteria for the role you're trying to fill, I emphatically implore you to thoroughly read "Liberal Lolita's Makeup", as it covers the adaptations to your physical and intellectual makeup that will need to be made.
Liberal Lolita's Makeup
You must be between the ages of 20 and 25 to engage in sexual relations with a democratic politician. If you're younger than 20, congratulations, you're on your way to your goal. If you're past 25, please keep reading and prepare an agenda for your next life.
Our left wing representatives are particularly drawn to 20- to 25-year-olds, her magical years, where naivete is the impetus for sexual imprudence and ignorant action. These young lasses are seeking a powerful daddy figure to surrender themselves to. No matter how engrossed in a philosophical debate she may be, her underlying subtext is always blaring, "Bend me. Take me. Make me. Do me."
Men in positions of power and between the ages of 45 and 65 are the only individuals who can decode this aromatic bouquet and fully exploit it. Like many women, I'm sure you peruse fashion magazines, watch television, and go to the movies. There are an abundance of men attracted to "...tall, thin women with robust silicon implants and swollen collagen lips." Well, guess what, ladies? You're not after any man; you're after the most authoritative chap on the planet. You're after the president, and he doesn't want you thin. He wants you voluptuous. Stay with me now, and focus. Keep breathing. I smell a cake bender around the corner. He does not wish you to be rotund. No, not him; he doesn't go for corpulence. He wants what I like to refer to as "acquiescent and feasible fat".
Yes, you're free to deluge yourself in dairy, sweets, and meats. But, with every bite consumed, you must also exercise, but not to build your body. Your intent is to sculpt your fat. Your hips must have girth, and accentuate an average waistline. Your arms must be cumbersome without being flabby. Again, I realize what a taxing job this is, so consider retaining the services of a professional trainer and presenting him with photos of the exact body type you seek. You won't find it in Victoria's Secret. Now would be a good time to subscribe to plus-size magazines.
Legs:
Are you familiar with the term "Piano Legs"? If not, it's high time you paid a visit to your local Steinway or music store. Piano legs are a big hit with democratic politicians. If you look at a piano's legs, you'll notice they're thickset. At the base (the ankle) they're a far cry from narrow. Rather, they maintain a steady, taut sense of mass. Your legs mustn't jiggle, though. And be sure to wear semi-formfitting skirts possessing obedient flair with a dutiful slit to illustrate the obligatory cellulite on your upper back thighs.
Face:
A heart-shaped or round face with remnants of baby fat is necessary to include a slight double chin when you have any facial reaction. Should your face be narrow, consider rigorous collagen, or fat injections. Your nose should be generous without shadowing. Wide uninformed brown eyes are compulsory. Contacts may help, but consider an eye surgeon's expertise first. He'll know best.
Makeup:
Cover Girl makeup is to be worn only, and purchased at your local pharmacy. Lip Smackers scented cherry pink lip-gloss is also indispensable. For your eyes, purchase iridescent blue eyeshadow. Apply it sparingly at the base of your eyebrow, along with thick chocolate brown eyeliner worn inside the lower eyelid. Cheap mascara will ensure caked eyelashes and black flecks spotting your eyelid. Again, this is critical to your overall facial appearance. Highlight your cheekbones with excessive reddish orange rouge, and don't even think of using powder. Your oily skin should earnestly glisten through your makeup. If your complexion is dry, be sure to apply a tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil to your face, twice daily.
Hair:
This may seem like an insignificant part of the package, but history's prudence tells us to remain steadfast. Lengthwise, your hair should be worn just below your shoulders and have no contact whatsoever with the back of your bra. (The part where it clasps together.) Dreary brown hair with darker strands carefully woven throughout from scalp to bottom should not be ignored. You're going for a look that makes him think, "Her hair, it's so soft, yet dry and frizzy. It's not black, and it's not brown. What is this color?" If you're in the sun, your hair should feel like a blustery Spring, or Autumn day with lethargic nuances. If you're frolicking in the dark, to his naked eye, your hair should appear tepid black and conjure images of a bleak snowy night. Haphazard waves and a lackluster shine are what this 'do needs.
Jewelry:
Accessories are simple. Humdrum jewelry given to you by your parents only is to be worn, and it must be gold-- not plated-- and 24 carat. Otherwise, tuck it away for a rainy day. A perfect example of this is a dainty oval-shaped birthstone worn on your right ring finger, a tasteless quarter-carat stud earring set, or a narrow herringbone bracelet given to you for your graduation or birthday. Bangles and anything that dangles will not be tolerated.
Scents:
There is only one scent this man responds to. Now, now,.. get your mind out of the gutter! Anais Anais perfume. It's insipid fragrance and bargain basement price rock his center and draw him toward you.
Intellectual Makeup:
Scrutinize yourself as you read this to see how close you are to the desired persona, then rate yourself on a scale from one to ten, ten being perfect. Your friends readily shower you with glowing remarks about your political oblivion, dulcet inflections, and sedate dialoguing abilities. When at a party, you're best remembered for your wallflower stance. Family conversely own countless hours of you on tape being the center of attention. What does this mean? You're predictable, malleable, and cordial with no real base personality. You have dark sexual fantasies and secrets that only he, the president, has the password for absolute clearance to. You were bred for him, and he knows it.
Eating:
When you're in a restaurant alone, with friends, or getting takeout, make sure that you eat delectable foods. If you're ordering meat-- and you damn well should be-- make sure there are bones involved for you to suck on after gobbling down every morsel of flesh.
NOTE: Dine out as often as you can with male suitors who, after a meal can escort you under the table, to the hood of their car, or to a motel a few short blocks away. It's important to acclimate to oral sex on a full stomach.
One could argue the only meat you should ingest is a male's. But, a woman of your sophistication and build must devour other meats with the same fervor, and adapt to swallowing hefty amounts of protein. This is no time to be shy. In a grating shrill, roar, "Rack of lamb for two, please." Even though it's just for you. Don't stop there: "Throw in two sides of mashed potatoes and creamed corn, please." You're drooling with anticipation. Are you sure you want to pass up that chocolate souffle that just cruised past you? Be honest. "One souffle."
Congratulations. You've just ordered a meal befitting your role as First Cocksucker!
NOTE: Snacking on fat is a rule, but keep frozen carrots, cucumbers, bananas, and cigars at arms length for rigorous training.
By golly, if you think that was a lot to swallow, wait until I'm pounding those Randy Republicans down your gob!
What are the needs of today's contemporary Democrat? What type of extracurricular female makes him rise to the occasion? And how can you approach him in a way that discreetly communicates your desire to satiate him? In this chapter, I will discuss this at length. Take notes!
Modern day liberals' sexual desires differ greatly from their predecessors. Historically speaking, there was never a specific type of woman to draw from. There were too many variables and possibilities. There was no continuity. Women who spent their youth trying to obtain a simple indiscretion with a political figure had little hope of doing so. Today, thanks to the media and right wing zealots, we have come to learn that there is, in fact, a very precise woman Democrats go for. Therefore, starry-eyed teens enamored with a president's televised speech that find themselves saying, "One day, I dream of blowing that president," now have the ability to prepare for that goal.
Our fearless lefties possess a voracious appetite for the California-born, yet Long Island archetypal Jewish female. If you're not Jewish, it doesn't mean the votes are "in" and you're "out". Heavens no! You'll only have a longer "To Do" list than others.
NOTE: Italian and Hispanic Catholic women have an advantage. Though, regardless of your ethnic background and overall appearance, I'll teach you how to completely reinvent yourself for him.
PLEASE ALSO NOTE: In the event you're a Jewish girl who's not sure if you meet the criteria for the role you're trying to fill, I emphatically implore you to thoroughly read "Liberal Lolita's Makeup", as it covers the adaptations to your physical and intellectual makeup that will need to be made.
Liberal Lolita's Makeup
You must be between the ages of 20 and 25 to engage in sexual relations with a democratic politician. If you're younger than 20, congratulations, you're on your way to your goal. If you're past 25, please keep reading and prepare an agenda for your next life.
Our left wing representatives are particularly drawn to 20- to 25-year-olds, her magical years, where naivete is the impetus for sexual imprudence and ignorant action. These young lasses are seeking a powerful daddy figure to surrender themselves to. No matter how engrossed in a philosophical debate she may be, her underlying subtext is always blaring, "Bend me. Take me. Make me. Do me."
Men in positions of power and between the ages of 45 and 65 are the only individuals who can decode this aromatic bouquet and fully exploit it. Like many women, I'm sure you peruse fashion magazines, watch television, and go to the movies. There are an abundance of men attracted to "...tall, thin women with robust silicon implants and swollen collagen lips." Well, guess what, ladies? You're not after any man; you're after the most authoritative chap on the planet. You're after the president, and he doesn't want you thin. He wants you voluptuous. Stay with me now, and focus. Keep breathing. I smell a cake bender around the corner. He does not wish you to be rotund. No, not him; he doesn't go for corpulence. He wants what I like to refer to as "acquiescent and feasible fat".
Yes, you're free to deluge yourself in dairy, sweets, and meats. But, with every bite consumed, you must also exercise, but not to build your body. Your intent is to sculpt your fat. Your hips must have girth, and accentuate an average waistline. Your arms must be cumbersome without being flabby. Again, I realize what a taxing job this is, so consider retaining the services of a professional trainer and presenting him with photos of the exact body type you seek. You won't find it in Victoria's Secret. Now would be a good time to subscribe to plus-size magazines.
Legs:
Are you familiar with the term "Piano Legs"? If not, it's high time you paid a visit to your local Steinway or music store. Piano legs are a big hit with democratic politicians. If you look at a piano's legs, you'll notice they're thickset. At the base (the ankle) they're a far cry from narrow. Rather, they maintain a steady, taut sense of mass. Your legs mustn't jiggle, though. And be sure to wear semi-formfitting skirts possessing obedient flair with a dutiful slit to illustrate the obligatory cellulite on your upper back thighs.
Face:
A heart-shaped or round face with remnants of baby fat is necessary to include a slight double chin when you have any facial reaction. Should your face be narrow, consider rigorous collagen, or fat injections. Your nose should be generous without shadowing. Wide uninformed brown eyes are compulsory. Contacts may help, but consider an eye surgeon's expertise first. He'll know best.
Makeup:
Cover Girl makeup is to be worn only, and purchased at your local pharmacy. Lip Smackers scented cherry pink lip-gloss is also indispensable. For your eyes, purchase iridescent blue eyeshadow. Apply it sparingly at the base of your eyebrow, along with thick chocolate brown eyeliner worn inside the lower eyelid. Cheap mascara will ensure caked eyelashes and black flecks spotting your eyelid. Again, this is critical to your overall facial appearance. Highlight your cheekbones with excessive reddish orange rouge, and don't even think of using powder. Your oily skin should earnestly glisten through your makeup. If your complexion is dry, be sure to apply a tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil to your face, twice daily.
Hair:
This may seem like an insignificant part of the package, but history's prudence tells us to remain steadfast. Lengthwise, your hair should be worn just below your shoulders and have no contact whatsoever with the back of your bra. (The part where it clasps together.) Dreary brown hair with darker strands carefully woven throughout from scalp to bottom should not be ignored. You're going for a look that makes him think, "Her hair, it's so soft, yet dry and frizzy. It's not black, and it's not brown. What is this color?" If you're in the sun, your hair should feel like a blustery Spring, or Autumn day with lethargic nuances. If you're frolicking in the dark, to his naked eye, your hair should appear tepid black and conjure images of a bleak snowy night. Haphazard waves and a lackluster shine are what this 'do needs.
Jewelry:
Accessories are simple. Humdrum jewelry given to you by your parents only is to be worn, and it must be gold-- not plated-- and 24 carat. Otherwise, tuck it away for a rainy day. A perfect example of this is a dainty oval-shaped birthstone worn on your right ring finger, a tasteless quarter-carat stud earring set, or a narrow herringbone bracelet given to you for your graduation or birthday. Bangles and anything that dangles will not be tolerated.
Scents:
There is only one scent this man responds to. Now, now,.. get your mind out of the gutter! Anais Anais perfume. It's insipid fragrance and bargain basement price rock his center and draw him toward you.
Intellectual Makeup:
Scrutinize yourself as you read this to see how close you are to the desired persona, then rate yourself on a scale from one to ten, ten being perfect. Your friends readily shower you with glowing remarks about your political oblivion, dulcet inflections, and sedate dialoguing abilities. When at a party, you're best remembered for your wallflower stance. Family conversely own countless hours of you on tape being the center of attention. What does this mean? You're predictable, malleable, and cordial with no real base personality. You have dark sexual fantasies and secrets that only he, the president, has the password for absolute clearance to. You were bred for him, and he knows it.
Eating:
When you're in a restaurant alone, with friends, or getting takeout, make sure that you eat delectable foods. If you're ordering meat-- and you damn well should be-- make sure there are bones involved for you to suck on after gobbling down every morsel of flesh.
NOTE: Dine out as often as you can with male suitors who, after a meal can escort you under the table, to the hood of their car, or to a motel a few short blocks away. It's important to acclimate to oral sex on a full stomach.
One could argue the only meat you should ingest is a male's. But, a woman of your sophistication and build must devour other meats with the same fervor, and adapt to swallowing hefty amounts of protein. This is no time to be shy. In a grating shrill, roar, "Rack of lamb for two, please." Even though it's just for you. Don't stop there: "Throw in two sides of mashed potatoes and creamed corn, please." You're drooling with anticipation. Are you sure you want to pass up that chocolate souffle that just cruised past you? Be honest. "One souffle."
Congratulations. You've just ordered a meal befitting your role as First Cocksucker!
NOTE: Snacking on fat is a rule, but keep frozen carrots, cucumbers, bananas, and cigars at arms length for rigorous training.
By golly, if you think that was a lot to swallow, wait until I'm pounding those Randy Republicans down your gob!
artid
1969
Old Image
6_5_democratic.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 05 (jan 2004)
section
pen_think