admin
22 December 2023
Since we didn’t have one last month, I’m back to bring the shit, love-style.
1. Burt’s Beeswax
Though I may be living life well below the poverty line, nothing will ever convince me that spending $2.75 on a small tube of lip balm instead of a meal is a foolish decision. Especially when the small tube of lip balm in question is this mouth-tingling manna from Heaven. And by "Heaven", I mean "Durham, North Carolina". Vaseline? Lame. ChapStick? ChapStupid. Those are but farts in lip balm evolution’s mighty wind. Burt’s Beeswax is the all-natural future of oral maintenance.
2. The Shaft
Not Shaft. The Shaft. This shit’s Richard Roundtree-free, but just as fucking awesome. The Shaft is, without a doubt, the most perfect good/bad film ever made. Without giving too much away, there’s trouble in New York’s Millennium Building. Lots of people are dying at the hands of a merciless elevator. But it’s not haunted. See, you thought you had it figured out. Trust me, you don’t. You couldn’t even begin to guess how this shunned-by-the-Academy classic ends. It’s that amazing. It also has more friendly Hollywood faces than you could care to shake a stick at: upright-walking wildebeest Ron Perlman; the young kid that played deep/emo James in David Lynch’s Twin Peaks; Michael Ironside (Need I say more?); and a pre-Ring Naomi Watts, who, by the way, has a really hot mouth. It also has full-on tits-and-bush nudity in the first three minutes of the film. See you at Blockbuster.
3. A Friend In Warmer Climates
Because, seriously, this shit is getting ridiculous, and it's only gonna get ridiculouser.
PURCHASE THIS OR SIMILAR ITEMS
1. Burt’s Beeswax
Though I may be living life well below the poverty line, nothing will ever convince me that spending $2.75 on a small tube of lip balm instead of a meal is a foolish decision. Especially when the small tube of lip balm in question is this mouth-tingling manna from Heaven. And by "Heaven", I mean "Durham, North Carolina". Vaseline? Lame. ChapStick? ChapStupid. Those are but farts in lip balm evolution’s mighty wind. Burt’s Beeswax is the all-natural future of oral maintenance.
2. The Shaft
Not Shaft. The Shaft. This shit’s Richard Roundtree-free, but just as fucking awesome. The Shaft is, without a doubt, the most perfect good/bad film ever made. Without giving too much away, there’s trouble in New York’s Millennium Building. Lots of people are dying at the hands of a merciless elevator. But it’s not haunted. See, you thought you had it figured out. Trust me, you don’t. You couldn’t even begin to guess how this shunned-by-the-Academy classic ends. It’s that amazing. It also has more friendly Hollywood faces than you could care to shake a stick at: upright-walking wildebeest Ron Perlman; the young kid that played deep/emo James in David Lynch’s Twin Peaks; Michael Ironside (Need I say more?); and a pre-Ring Naomi Watts, who, by the way, has a really hot mouth. It also has full-on tits-and-bush nudity in the first three minutes of the film. See you at Blockbuster.
3. A Friend In Warmer Climates
Because, seriously, this shit is getting ridiculous, and it's only gonna get ridiculouser.
PURCHASE THIS OR SIMILAR ITEMS
artid
2043
Old Image
6_6_shityouneed.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 06 (feb 2004)
section
entertainmental