SUPERMAN SAVES METROPOLIS, CITIZENS BORED

METROPOLIS, USA - The city of Metropolis, under attack from the evil alien machine Brainiac 5, was saved yet again by Superman. This makes it the sixth time Superman has saved the city in half as many days.
Citizens, while grateful, profess boredom. "Yeah, it used to be a big goddamn deal," says local boy Jimmy Olsen. "You know, with Bizarro or Solomon Grundy trashing the city. Now, instead of, 'Holy shit! We're all gonna fucking die!' it's like, 'Oh. It's Tuesday.'"
"There's no drama," lamented Daily Planet reporter Lois Lane. "Superman always saves the day."
Lane recalled an incident from a few years ago. "Did you know I died in an earthquake? I fucking died! Then Superman flew around the world so fast that he reversed time and saved me! Try wrapping your mind around that one! I'm practically immortal. Like, if I jumped in front of a bus, I bet you dollars to doughnuts he'd swoop down and save my impetuous ass."
Lane shook her head, and said what most Metropolis citizens are more than likely thinking: "I have nothing to fear with him around. It's kinda boring."