admin
22 December 2023
This is not a lesson in how to be punctual. Rather, the following is a list of the best ways to deal with the constantly late person in your life. Everyone has one. Maybe it’s you.
1. Don’t announce, \"You’re late,\" when we finally get there. We know.
2. Don’t offer \"helpful\" tips, like, \"Why don’t you try setting your clock 15 minutes ahead?\" or, \"Try doing your makeup in the car.\" We will politely agree to try your novel ideas, but, inwardly, we’ll think you’re a moron. Besides, we’ve already tried everything. You act like this is something we can control.
3. Don’t do tricky things to make us on time, like tell us that dinner is at five, when it’s actually at six. This will be the one occasion all year that we are on time, and you will look like an asshole.
4. When it comes to movies, relax. Chronically late people are rarely late getting to the movie theater. We like the previews. They fit our attention span.
5. People who are always late are tigers in the sack. I’m just saying.
6. Don’t say things like, \"It’s my pet peeve when people are late. It shows a total lack of respect.\" Oh, shut up. It has nothing to do with respect. And aren’t there better pet peeves to have? Like people who chew with their mouths open, drown kittens, or vote Republican?
7. Don’t try to change us. If our mothers couldn’t do it, you certainly can’t. And it’s not like we’re just late to meet you. The chronically tardy are equal opportunists. We were late to every day of junior high school. We’re late to church and dentist appointments. I was even a week late being born. It’s inherent, like blue eyes or being able to do that tongue rolling thing.
8. We’re fun. If the biggest flaw your significant other has is that he or she is always ten minutes late, go home tonight, and give him or her a big smooch. I mean, really... see number five. It could be worse.
1. Don’t announce, \"You’re late,\" when we finally get there. We know.
2. Don’t offer \"helpful\" tips, like, \"Why don’t you try setting your clock 15 minutes ahead?\" or, \"Try doing your makeup in the car.\" We will politely agree to try your novel ideas, but, inwardly, we’ll think you’re a moron. Besides, we’ve already tried everything. You act like this is something we can control.
3. Don’t do tricky things to make us on time, like tell us that dinner is at five, when it’s actually at six. This will be the one occasion all year that we are on time, and you will look like an asshole.
4. When it comes to movies, relax. Chronically late people are rarely late getting to the movie theater. We like the previews. They fit our attention span.
5. People who are always late are tigers in the sack. I’m just saying.
6. Don’t say things like, \"It’s my pet peeve when people are late. It shows a total lack of respect.\" Oh, shut up. It has nothing to do with respect. And aren’t there better pet peeves to have? Like people who chew with their mouths open, drown kittens, or vote Republican?
7. Don’t try to change us. If our mothers couldn’t do it, you certainly can’t. And it’s not like we’re just late to meet you. The chronically tardy are equal opportunists. We were late to every day of junior high school. We’re late to church and dentist appointments. I was even a week late being born. It’s inherent, like blue eyes or being able to do that tongue rolling thing.
8. We’re fun. If the biggest flaw your significant other has is that he or she is always ten minutes late, go home tonight, and give him or her a big smooch. I mean, really... see number five. It could be worse.
artid
2314
Old Image
6_9_tardy.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 09 (may 2004)
section
stories