DOUBT

\"Hello?\" came Tim\'s groggy, still-pretty-much-asleep voice.
\"Hi,\" Robert said timidly into the receiver.
Tim yawned. Was he annoyed at the lateness of the call? \"Oh, hey.\" He made a stretching sound. So adorable. \"Hey there, Robert. Robbie Robert....\"
Robert imagined him smiling. That felt good. Whether he was or not, it felt good to imagine it. It was all he could do for now. \"So,\" Robert began awkwardly, \"what\'s up?\"
\"Uh, shouldn\'t I be asking you that?\"
\"Well....\"
He imagined Tim smiling again. \"You\'re the one who called.\"
Robert tried to act casual. \"Right. Well, um, I was just wondering if you had fun tonight, and, you know....\"
\"Oh. Right.\" He could sense Tim getting a little testy now.
\"What?\"
\"Come on, Robert. Honestly. We\'ve talked about this.\"
\"I know, but--\"
\"No buts,\" Tim interrupted, which he rarely did. \"You shouldn\'t call me in the middle of-- what time is it?\"
Robert checked his watch. \"Four. Or so.\"
Tim groaned. \"Jesus, Robert, you have to trust me. If this is going to work, you just have to.\"
Robert knew he was right. He shouldn\'t have called. \"I\'m-- you\'re right. I\'m sorry.\"
There was a lull in the conversation. Just the sound of their breathing.
Tim finally spoke up. \"Look, I went out with some friends. Had some drinks. That\'s it.\"
Robert was relieved in a way, but, really, Tim could say anything to him at all. He was so far away. \"That sounds fun.\"
\"It was all right,\" Tim yawned. \"So... what did you do?\"
Robert looked into his bedroom door, cracked open. The guy whose name he couldn\'t remember was snoring on Tim\'s side of the bed. \"Oh, you know, studied a little. Watched some TV.\"
\"I wish I could be there with you,\" Tim said out of the blue.
The longing in his voice was obvious. Even Robert couldn\'t miss that. The guilt ate away at him. \"Me, too. I really do.\"
If Tim suspected anything, he didn\'t show it. \"Yeah. Well, look, I\'m really tired--\"
\"Oh, sure. Sure. Uh, sorry to call so late.\"
\"It\'s okay, Robbie. I\'ll talk to you tomorrow, all right?\"
\"Yeah,\" Robert said.
\"I love you.\"
\"I love you, too, Tim. I really do.\"
\"I know. Bye.\"
\"Bye.\"
They hung up. Why did Robert have to call about stuff like that? Tim wasn\'t worried about a thing. He was so trusting. Just gave himself completely to Robert. But how does he do it? How can he feel so secure?
Robert started toward his occupied room. This wasn\'t a good way to deal with his doubts. He figured he should do something, just in case Tim was. It was stupid. Childish. Pathetic. He knew it. He didn\'t want to be with anyone else, but....
He stopped and turned around, going to the living room instead. He crawled onto the couch and closed his eyes.