EDDIE BOURBON, NINJA TO THE STARS: BLIND DATE - PART 2

BEFORE YOU READ PART TWO, READ PART ONE HERE.
Sitting at a swanky restaurant, Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars smiled at the fairly attractive woman about half his age sitting across from him. That\'s not too young, considering Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars was rumored to be in his sixties. (He’ll never tell.)
\"So....\" she lamely tried to begin a conversation.
\"Yeah,\" Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars chimed in as she trailed off. \"The food\'s--\"
\"Good.\"
\"Took the words out of my mouth!\"
A fake laugh was followed by more silence. Suddenly, she reached into her purse. \"Want to see a picture of my little Alex?\"
\"Your huh?\"
\"My little boy.\"
Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars grimaced and took a swig of his wine as she shoved a picture of a chubby kid in his face. She awaited a compliment, but all he said was, \"Lisa Bonet didn’t tell me you had a kid when she set this dilly up.\"
\"I asked her not to,\" she said sheepishly.
\"What the hell, woman?\"
She frowned, putting the picture away. \"I thought it might scare you off.\"
Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars shook his head. \"I’ve kicked the ass of many a bigger brute than your little Alex, believe you me.\"
\"No, I meant--\"
\"He’s only, what? Twelve?\"
\"Five.\"
\"Whatever.\"
She looked down at her damn salad, disappointed. What the hell was her name again? Then Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars realized he was being rude. \"I mean, uh... cute kid! Hey, yeah. Cute... lil\' guy.\"
She smiled. \"Thanks.\"
Another uncomfortable silence followed as they both ate slowly, the nasty sound of chewing in Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars\' ears.
\"So,\" she started again, \"Lisa didn’t tell me what you did for a living.\"
Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars swallowed and hesitated. His ninjatic persona had to remain unknown to regular civilians, but he was a shitty liar. Then he remembered his Young Celebrity Ninja School, and figured he could ride that one out. \"Uh... I’m a teacher.\"
\"Really? What do you teach?\"
Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars almost choked on his rare steak. Damn this broad was pushy. \"History,\" he blurted.
\"Neat! I’m something of a history buff myself! My favorite era is the Renaissance. Do you--\"
\"Nope. Don’t teach that one.\"
\"Oh.\" She started jabbering again, \"You remind me of somebody.\"
\"Neat,\" Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars said curtly, not interested.
She squinted, looking at him closely. \"I can’t place his name. He\'s an actor, I think.\"
Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars sighed. \"You gonna try to figure it out?\"
\"He was in... I think he was in an orange juice commercial....\"
Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars was insulted. Of all the great roles Robert Loggia (the actor he very much resembles) has played, she was thinking of that damn orange juice commercial! \"You’re kidding....\"
\"No! The old guy, uh... Robert Bologna!\"
\"Loggia.\"
\"That’s it! Loggia. The guy from the orange juice commercial.\"
\"Christ on a bike! What about Big? Or Independence Day?!?\"
She was taken aback by his frustration. \"I’m not a fan or anything.\"
\"Danced on the giant piano with Tom Hanks!\"
She shrugged.
\"Tom Hanks!!!\" he bellowed, garnering looks from other restaurant patrons.
She got uncomfortable. \"Well... you sure look like him.\"
He checked his watch. \"Fascinating.\"
\"Do you have somewhere to be?\"
Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars gave her a steely-eyed glare, chewing on his bloody steak. \"I always got somewhere to be, toots.\"
More silence. Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars started eating faster, hoping to get this date over with.
\"Yeah,\" he finally said, almost done with his food. \"So, look, I’m pretty rusty with this whole dating scene--\"
\"I can tell,\" she interrupted rudely.
Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars took his last bite and glared at her. \"Kinda snippy, huh?\"
\"You’re eating like an animal!\"
\"Yeah.\" Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars put down his fork and wiped his mouth off, getting up. \"Dig it: I gotta jet.\"
She rolled her eyes. \"You’re leaving? What about--\"
But like that, he was gone. Like a ghost. Or a... ninja.
\"What the--?\" She looked around and under the table, but Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars had vanished.
The waiter came by with the check. \"I’ll pick this up when you’re ready, ma\'am.\"
Eddie Bourbon, Ninja to the Stars\' blind date was getting worked up. \"But, I-- oh, son of a bitch!\" She pulled her wallet out of her purse in a huff. When the waiter was gone, she got on her cell phone and dialed. Looking around, after a few moments, she quietly said into it, \"He\'s left the restaurant.\"
\"Yarrrgh,\" came the guttural voice on the other end. \"\'Tis a good job ye did, lassie. Good indeed.\"
READ PART THREE HERE.