THE SHIA MAILBAG

EDITOR\'S NOTE: This month, TLC staff writer Franklin Furter will be answering all the emails for The Shia Mailbag. The person that usually answers these emails, Miss Tina Peters, will be answering all the emails for Franklin Furter\'s Matters Of The Heart. The madness will return to normal next month.
From: Dnae Henderson
To: tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com
Sent: Wednesday, July 28, 2004 12:09 PM
I didn\'t know there was a Shia fan club. Have you met him? Who did that TLC interview with him? That was the first time I had ever heard of him. I haven\'t seen him in Even Stevens, but from what I can tell in that interview he must be really funny and have a great personality. Hmmm... I wonder if he likes black girls. Wow, I\'m a little on the obsessed side, huh?
- Dnae
Dear Dnae,
You know, I didn’t realize there was a Shia fan club, either, but it really doesn’t surprise me; a lot of things from the Seventies are making a comeback these days. Um, no, I never met one of those rocks that grow hair-- I mean grass-- but one time I saw a television commercial about them. Honestly, I thought they looked like a waste of money. One time this fellow I knew in high school grew grass on a plain white t-shirt. He looked like a green bigfoot. Yeah, those things probably do have a really great personality, and I think you should try dating one if you want, but I think I have to go and do something else now. So, good luck with your crush on that rock.
- Franklin Furter
From: Dnae Henderson
To: tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com
Sent: Wednesday, July 28, 2004 12:16 PM
Haha! I just read that letter about being down with the brown! I feel like a dumbass. I just got obsessed with him after I saw I, Robot. Have you ever sent him a letter or anything?
~~\'God Bless You\'~~
- Dnae
Dear Dnae,
Obviously my email filter failed to block your second letter, so please stop sending me letters. But since your second letter actually contained something I can comment on, here goes. You see, Dnae, when a man has very strong feelings for another man, and that other man also shares those feelings for him, they are able to share a very special bond. Though no offspring will be produced, when two men are \"down with bro--\". Oh, wait... I think I’ve made an error. This email seems to be addressed to that nice little Tina girl. She has that column about that young heartthrob. What’s his name...? What is his name? I think I have his email address around here someplace... or, wait, did I delete it the other day when I heard he died? Oh, now I am confused. So, until next time, don’t forget to do that thing I was talking about.
- Franklin Furter
Send your awesome Shia questions to tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com.