TASTES LIKE CHICKEN: THE GAME!

Get on the hype soapbox, motherfuckers! Brand-new and available now for your Sontendo X-Cubestation is tastes like chicken: the game! Now you, too, can see what it’s like to live an exciting month in the life of a tastes like chicken staffer! Over 15 playable characters and tons of \"missions\" give you the following opportunities:
- As \"emo\" (i.e. \"homosexual\") writer D.J. Kirkbride, collect and shovel into your cryhole as many chocolate-covered pretzels and heapings of Mac-N-Chee® as you can! Eat enough and your \"Self-Esteem Meter\" will plummet, enabling you to write the most self-deprecating-yet-hilarious-to-others article ever to see print!
- Uh-oh! It’s time to go to print and all the deadlines are long past... but where are Staff Member #716’s illustrations for this month? As Insane Wayne Chinsang, you’ll go on a hilarious romp around the neighborhood chasing #716 for those pretty pictures! Watch out for old lady McHiggins\' vicious dog!
- Putting the Pen & Think section together is no walk in the park for Night Watchman! Keep your inbox as clean as you can as whiny teens who think they can write send you a deluge of poems and journal entries that stink to high heaven! Find the diamonds in the rough to boost your score. Oh, no! Smokin\' Joe Blow just sent 20 pieces in for this month\'s issue! Get reading!
- Vinnie Baggadonuts is fed up! That pesky mailman is bringing too many bad CDs for the staff of tastes like chicken to review. When you see him approach the TLC office, it’s your mission to leap from the storm cellar door that leads to your subterranean office/living quarters and deflect the crappy CDs he\'s tossing at the mailbox! For bonus points, be sure to keep the White Stripes and No Doubt albums!
- Now is the most exciting time of the month: laying out the print issue! Playing as Wayne, you’ll need all the endurance you can muster to stay up for six days straight in order to put together the magazine by the time it has to go to the printer! Copying and pasting articles and illustrations has never been so much fun! Oh, no! Here comes Vinnie Baggadonuts with a last-minute CD review! Where will it fit?!?
- And in the most revolutionary marvel in video game technology, we present the Create Your Own Comic feature! Within the predesigned template, write and draw a comic for tastes like chicken on your home game console! After you’re finished, hook your system up to the Internet with the \"TLC Internet Cable\" (not included, retails at $59.95) and send your comic directly to Debbie, TLC’s comic editor! Within a few weeks, you’ll receive a scathing letter of rejection that insults not only your abilities and lack of talent, but also your penis size!
Run out to your local retailer and demand that he or she sell you tastes like chicken: the game! Order now and you can get the bonus CD: Franklin Furter’s Advice Seminar. Learn intimate tips and tricks to giving your friends good advice in the matters of love! (The many bottles of bourbon and cheap cigarettes required for the course are not included.)