PUTTIN' THE ''W'' IN HELL-O-WEEN!

Man, I love Halloween. Everything’s all creepy and spooky, you get free candy, and for one entire day you can dress up like anyone you want. I remember one Halloween, Cheney, Rumsfield, and I went as that big lady from Showtime At The Apollo. It was pretty hilarious. Rumsfield was her main body, I was her boobs, and Cheney was her booty. We won a prize that year, and got hit on by Bernie Mac. Cheney was like, \"Dude, this is a costume.\" I was like, \"Who let the black guy in here?\"
Anyway, this Halloween is coming up fast, and for the longest time I was hard pressed to come up with a good idea. Then the Republican National Convention happened, and it hit me. See, this year, the marketing and PR department came up with a real funny slogan for my campaign: \"\'W\' Is For Women\". It’s a trick, really. See, women are dumb. We banked on this when we came up with that saying. All these so-called intelligent, working Republican women misinterpreted the saying to mean \"I, Dubya, am looking out for you, the fairer sex, and your entitled rights.\" Truth is, all we mean is \"The word \'women\' begins with the letter \'W\'.\"
What was I talking about? Oh, yeah... Jesus had six fingers. Watch Caddyshack. You’ll see.
In their dumbness, however, these lame broads gave me an idea: Dubya will not be for women. Dubya will be for woman. One woman. One Wonder Woman.
Man, when I had that idea, I looked up at my brain and said, \"Holy shit! I thought you crapped out on me years ago!\" My Halloween costume was thus born. I, George W. Bush, Pretzel Dent of the Two Knighted States, will be Wonder Woman for Halloween.
This is totally going to rock. No one-- and I mean, no one-- is going to expect me to show up in drag. I haven’t pulled a stunt like that since Laura was in labor with little Barbara, and I showed up at the emergency room dressed like \"Hotlips\" Houlihan from M*A*S*H. You should have seen the rage in her face! Lil\' Barbara called me \"Mommy 2\" for the first eight years of her life!
So, another day, another problem solved. Guess I can go back to some last minute campaignin\' before Election Day. Just as soon as I call Dicky C. to get the boys at Halliburton to make me up a nice little invisible jet, just like that Amazon harlot had.