admin
22 December 2023
As I see it, the typical \"values voter\" is a walking paradox: seemingly both pro-life and pro-preemptive war. In other words, they\'re against killing innocent babies, yet for killing innocent Muslims, strictly on the chance that said Muslim might \"one day\" try to kill us.
To solve this problem, I\'ve created the Yahweh Doctrine, which picks up where that pussy Bush Doctrine left off.
In essence, the Yahweh Doctrine is as follows: if we really want to kill the terrorists before they may \"one day\" kill us, we simply need to abort all Muslim babies.
(Yes, I know this seemingly contradicts the pro-life values of the \"values voter\". To which I say, \"Sins of the father!\" Since we\'re killing Muslim fathers because they may \"one day\" try to kill us, then by logical extension their children should also be put to death for the sins their fathers, or they themselves, may \"one day\" commit against us.)
After all, if, as President Bush and the \"value voters\" believe, it makes more sense to launch a preemptive war and kill the terrorists over there before they have a chance to kill us over here, it makes even more sense to kill the terrorists over there before they have a chance to grow up and maybe \"one day\" try to kill us over here.
Of course, since there\'s no way we can tell which Muslim babies will grow up to be terrorists (because, let\'s face it, all those swarthy bastards look alike), we\'ll need to terminate the pregnancy of every Muslim woman in the Middle East.
This should be no problem, however, because once the President remakes the Supreme Court and Roe v. Wade is overturned, there will be plenty of baby-killers looking for work. In my plan, we simply sign \'em up and ship \'em out. Faster than you can spell \"falafel\", they\'ll be terminating every little Allah-worshipping devil-spawn they can get their vacuum hoses on.
While we have the enemy in the stirrups, we may also want to consider implementing a mandatory sterilization program. (After all, we have all that depleted uranium lying around over there just going to waste. Why not put it to good use?)
Follow my plan, and in just a few short years, we will have aborted and sterilized the next generation of terrorists right out of existence. All without the loss of a single American life. (Well, except for a baby-killer or two. And they don\'t really count.)
At the risk of tooting my own horn, this plan is pure genius! In terms of military strategy, this has to rank right up there with giving the Native Americans blankets infected with smallpox.
While some of you may find my plan a little shocking at first, I believe in time, as the number of American casualties continues to climb, you\'ll come to agree that it\'s better to fight the terrorists in their wombs than fight them in our streets.
To solve this problem, I\'ve created the Yahweh Doctrine, which picks up where that pussy Bush Doctrine left off.
In essence, the Yahweh Doctrine is as follows: if we really want to kill the terrorists before they may \"one day\" kill us, we simply need to abort all Muslim babies.
(Yes, I know this seemingly contradicts the pro-life values of the \"values voter\". To which I say, \"Sins of the father!\" Since we\'re killing Muslim fathers because they may \"one day\" try to kill us, then by logical extension their children should also be put to death for the sins their fathers, or they themselves, may \"one day\" commit against us.)
After all, if, as President Bush and the \"value voters\" believe, it makes more sense to launch a preemptive war and kill the terrorists over there before they have a chance to kill us over here, it makes even more sense to kill the terrorists over there before they have a chance to grow up and maybe \"one day\" try to kill us over here.
Of course, since there\'s no way we can tell which Muslim babies will grow up to be terrorists (because, let\'s face it, all those swarthy bastards look alike), we\'ll need to terminate the pregnancy of every Muslim woman in the Middle East.
This should be no problem, however, because once the President remakes the Supreme Court and Roe v. Wade is overturned, there will be plenty of baby-killers looking for work. In my plan, we simply sign \'em up and ship \'em out. Faster than you can spell \"falafel\", they\'ll be terminating every little Allah-worshipping devil-spawn they can get their vacuum hoses on.
While we have the enemy in the stirrups, we may also want to consider implementing a mandatory sterilization program. (After all, we have all that depleted uranium lying around over there just going to waste. Why not put it to good use?)
Follow my plan, and in just a few short years, we will have aborted and sterilized the next generation of terrorists right out of existence. All without the loss of a single American life. (Well, except for a baby-killer or two. And they don\'t really count.)
At the risk of tooting my own horn, this plan is pure genius! In terms of military strategy, this has to rank right up there with giving the Native Americans blankets infected with smallpox.
While some of you may find my plan a little shocking at first, I believe in time, as the number of American casualties continues to climb, you\'ll come to agree that it\'s better to fight the terrorists in their wombs than fight them in our streets.
artid
2922
Old Image
7_5_preemptive.jpg
issue
vol 7 - issue 05 (jan 2005)
section
stories