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22 December 2023
MIAMI, FLORIDA - An extensive search by federal, state, and local agencies has entered its third day as volunteers attempt to aid local buffoon John Davidson in locating his own ass.
Searchers brought in a specially trained butt-sniffing canine unit and baited the dogs\' sensitive noses with a pair of Davidson\'s dirty underwear. They were able to accomplish in a short time what the 35-year-old resident has yet to do.
Authorities are baffled. \"We\'ve drawn him a map, shown him pictures of other people asses in textbooks, and we\'ve even held his hands and guided them into place,\" said Ken Olafsen, a 23-year veteran with the Dade County Sheriff\'s Department. \"We\'ve held up a mirror, grabbed our own asses, and even took pictures of his own ass for him.\"
Olafsen admits he\'s never seen anything like this. \"He\'s just not catching on! He literally can\'t find his own ass.\"
The search is expected to continue into next week.
Searchers brought in a specially trained butt-sniffing canine unit and baited the dogs\' sensitive noses with a pair of Davidson\'s dirty underwear. They were able to accomplish in a short time what the 35-year-old resident has yet to do.
Authorities are baffled. \"We\'ve drawn him a map, shown him pictures of other people asses in textbooks, and we\'ve even held his hands and guided them into place,\" said Ken Olafsen, a 23-year veteran with the Dade County Sheriff\'s Department. \"We\'ve held up a mirror, grabbed our own asses, and even took pictures of his own ass for him.\"
Olafsen admits he\'s never seen anything like this. \"He\'s just not catching on! He literally can\'t find his own ass.\"
The search is expected to continue into next week.
artid
2923
Old Image
7_5_butt.jpg
issue
vol 7 - issue 05 (jan 2005)
section
stories