TLC'S LIST OF PEOPLE WE WISH HAD DIED IN 2004

When a year comes to a close, publications typically compile a list of noteworthy people that left our earthly plane during that year. For instance, the world lost both Rodney Dangerfield and Ray Charles this year. But rather than get all teary-eyed about those that are now worm food, we here at TLC want to reflect on those people that we wish had died, and how we would have liked to have seen them go.
JULIA ROBERTS (Actress) - Passed away due to complications during the birth of her two twins. Hey, it\'s hard to give birth to one colt, let alone two!
THE POPE (Holy Guy) - Finally passed away after realizing he\'s actually been dead since 1993.
OUR NEW MAILMAN (Milwaukee Mail Carrier) - Died after being beaten with a lead pipe by TLC editor Wayne Chinsang. If he would\'ve learned how to do his fucking job right, and not give us mail for people that don\'t live here anymore or packages for a building around the fucking block, maybe he\'d still be alive right now.
ALL THESE DAMN TROUBLESOME IRAQIS (Innocent Civilians) - Died one at a time after we carpet-bombed their entire country. What was wrong with these people?!? I mean, if they would have just let us come in and give them all of this awesome democracy, maybe we wouldn\'t have had to kill all of them. Ingrates!
SCOTT PETERSON (Murderer/Dickhead) - Found dead in his cell after a fun little prison game the inmates like to call \"Man Tag\".
ELVIS PRESLEY (The King) - Passed away from heart complications due to poor health and obesity. What? You guys knew he was still alive, right?
ANNIE MARIE GILLMAN (Dirty Skank That Broke Up With Me In Ninth Grade To Go Out With Some Gay Senior That Played Varsity Soccer) - Died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound after she woke up one morning and realized that she could have been married to greatness and totally lived a rock star lifestyle with me, but instead chose to lose her virginity on her parents\' cold basement floor to some pedophilic dung monkey that ended up cheating on her anyway. And she died fat, too. Really, really fat.
CARSON DALY/PARIS HILTON/ANY AND ALL OTHER TALENTLESS DILLHOLES (Wastes Of Space) - Quietly slipped away when he/she forgot how to breathe.
GOD (Creator/Almighty Being) - Didn\'t die so much as he just split after realizing humans are hopeless and that we\'re all doomed anyway.
CHRISTOPHER REEVE (Actor) - Oh, wait. He actually did die.