P. DIDDY'S ''VOTE OR DIE'' CAMPAIGN ACTUALLY EMPTY THREAT

TAFT, CA - Local resident Wes Scrundo filed a request for police protection earlier this month, claiming that recording \"artist\" Sean \"P. Diddy\" Combs had indirectly threatened to kill him.
\"I saw a t-shirt that said \'Vote or Die\', and that scared the hell out of me,\" said Scrundo. \"I had meant to vote this election, I swear. But I was all screwed up from the time change, and I thought it was still Monday. In any case, by the time I had realized what had happened, the polls were already closed. I had no idea that waiving your right to partake in the democratic process was an offense punishable by death. And it turns out that this P. Diddy character is behind the entire murderous program!\"
P. Diddy has been placed under surveillance but, at the time of this report, has not displayed any suspicious behavior. Scrundo, however, has not left his house since the election. He reportedly opened his front door once on December 10th, but quickly slammed it shut when a black man rode by on a bike.