PRESIDENTIN' WITH THE DUBSTER

Sweep the leg, Johnny! It’s 2005, and I’m feelin\' happier than Ding-Dong Donnie Rumsfield at an all-you-can-eat lie buffet! Today was a pretty special day for me: they swore me in (No swearing!) to play president again. Yee-haw! So, rather than wow you with some genius insight (like I usually do), I thought I’d just give you a recap of my swear-in hootenanny:
Judge Rehnquist: Are you ready, kid?
Me: Aye-aye, Captain.
Judge Rehnquist: I can\'t hear you!
Me: (louder) Aye-aye, Captain!
Judge Rehnquist: Ohhh... who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Me: Pres-i-dent Bush!
Judge Rehnquist: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
Me: Pres-i-dent Bush!
Judge Rehnquist: If political nonsense be something you wish--
Me: Pres-i-dent Bush!
Judge Rehnquist: --then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
Me: Pres-i-dent Bush!
Judge Rehnquist: Ready?
Me and Judge Rehnquist: Pres-i-dent Bush! Pres-i-dent Bush! Pres-i-dent Bush!
Judge Rehnquist: Pres-i-dent Buuush!!!
Me and Judge Rehnquist: Hahaha!!!
Man, it was great. Rehnquist even used that cool Darth Vader voice he’s been using lately. I always try to get him to say lines from one of the movies, but he gets mad and says stuff like, \"Cancer is no laughing matter.\" Says you, farty pants! I didn’t see a straight face in the place today!
Ah, cancer. Hee-hee....
Catch you next month, America. We got four more years in the sack together. That may not mean world peace, environmental awareness, or me respecting your life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, but, goddamnit, it’s gonna mean a whole lot of funny.