THE SHIA MAILBAG

As most of you read last month, my daughter, the incomparable Tina Peters, President of the Shia LaBeouf Fan Club (Waukesha Chapter), passed away due to severe complications from an exploded heart. Rather than shut down her email account and leave you, our dear readers, in the dark about one of young America’s favorite creative talents, the fine editors at \"tastes like chicken\" have agreed to allow me, Reginald W. Peters, III, Father of the President of the Shia LaBeouf Fan Club (Waukesha Chapter), to take over her column. I will do my best to answer any and all of your questions about young Mr. LaBeouf. Please bear with me in my time of mourning.

From: Jennifer Lawrence
To: tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com
Sent: Wednesday, February 02, 2005 9:24 PM
Subject: Shia LaBeouf

So u said u interviewed him... do u think he has a girlfriend?

- Jennifer Lawrence

Dear Jennifer Lawrence,

Thank you for writing, Jenny. While I personally didn\'t interview him, I remember watching numerous episodes of Even Stevens with my daughter, as well as films like I, Robot and The Battle Of Shaker Heights. From this, I have concluded that Mr. LaBeouf is, indeed, a handsome young man. Not only does he possess an exceptionally Jewish facial structure and thick, curly brown locks-- both physical attributes that many women, young and old, find attractive-- but he also knows how to make a girl laugh. In my 22 years of marriage I\'ve learned that a sense of humor is one of the greatest gifts a man can possess. Therefore, I would say, \"Yes, I think he has a girlfriend.\"

Hope that doesn\'t burst your adolescent bubble,

- Reginald W. Peters, III, age 42, Father of the President of the Shia LaBeouf Fan Club, Waukesha Chapter

From: Naisha Reyes
To: tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com
Sent: Thursday, February 10, 2005 5:03 PM
Subject: Shia question

Hey Tina, do you think Shia has a gf? He\'s too adorable not to, but I just want to know.

Sincerely,

- Naisha Reyes from Wisconsin

PS: Please tell him he\'s so cool and he is the best actor.

Dear Naisha Reyes,

Thanks so much for writing! You’ll never believe this, but I just wrote a letter to a young girl, and it answered your very question! Essentially, I determined he probably does have a \"gf\". I base my assumption on his sterling Hebrew looks and jovial nature. I myself have often been mistaken for a man of Hebrew blood. Truth be told, I didn’t even know what \"Jewish\" meant until I went to college! And FYI, I’m actually Swedish, Greek, and German. Talk about a European Union! Glad I could be of some help to you. If I ever have the chance to speak to young Shia, I’ll inform him of both his coolness, and his exceptional acting ability.

Take care,

- Reginald W. Peters, III, age 42, Father of the President of the Shia LaBeouf Fan Club, Waukesha Chapter