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22 December 2023
Player One: Staff Member #716
You blow shit up!
STAFF MEMBER #716\'S NOTE: That’s pretty much it. Bork and I were really stretching to find stuff to say about this game, and that’s just about all we could come up with. If you’d like to read our first draft of the review, in which we repeat ourselves over and over until we finally fill 500 words, exactly that follows.
STAFF MEMBER #716\'S NOTE: That’s pretty much it. Bork and I were really stretching to find stuff to say about this game, and that’s just about all we could come up with. If you’d like to read our first draft of the review, in which we repeat ourselves over and over until we finally fill 500 words, exactly that follows.
Player One: Staff Member #716
An observation: Mercenaries is set in a battlefield in North Korea. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas takes place in South Central Los Angeles (essentially). Mercenaries is rated Teen. Grand Theft Auto is rated Mature. Conclusion: a war zone still isn\'t as bad as L.A.
More to the point: if you want a one-sentence review, Mercenaries is almost exactly Grand Theft Auto in a demilitarized zone. There are a few small differences, of course: instead of working for street gangs and crime syndicates, you\'re doing odd jobs for various military factions. Instead of carjacking hapless civilians, you\'re \"commandeering\" army transportation and hardware. Instead of getting to switch between a number of fun radio stations at will, you\'re stuck listening to the orchestrated score throughout the entire game.
Really, the choice between Mercenaries and GTA comes down to a matter of taste, and my tastes lean toward wreaking havoc in an affectionately-parodied domestic setting. Part of the fun of the GTA games comes from the wanton, careless destruction you can cause if you so desire, and Mercenaries doesn\'t let you go quite as amorally ape-shit as Grand Theft Auto. Sure, you can call in aerial support to nuke a building, but you incur monetary penalties when you \"accidentally\" run down innocent civilians. Come to think of it, why are there civilians stumbling aimlessly about in the middle of an army tank fight?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not badmouthing Mercenaries. It’s a solid game, I guess, but it lacks the humor and personality of the series it’s obviously modeled after. The battle-hardened lone soldier story has been done to death, and done much better. But if it’s your thing, maybe you should give Mercenaries a rental. There\'s a possibility you’ll see something in it that I didn’t.
Player Two: Kung Fu Bork
Mercenaries... well, you... uh... blow shit up. A lot! That\'s about it! Review done! Good night!
An observation: Mercenaries is set in a battlefield in North Korea. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas takes place in South Central Los Angeles (essentially). Mercenaries is rated Teen. Grand Theft Auto is rated Mature. Conclusion: a war zone still isn\'t as bad as L.A.
More to the point: if you want a one-sentence review, Mercenaries is almost exactly Grand Theft Auto in a demilitarized zone. There are a few small differences, of course: instead of working for street gangs and crime syndicates, you\'re doing odd jobs for various military factions. Instead of carjacking hapless civilians, you\'re \"commandeering\" army transportation and hardware. Instead of getting to switch between a number of fun radio stations at will, you\'re stuck listening to the orchestrated score throughout the entire game.
Really, the choice between Mercenaries and GTA comes down to a matter of taste, and my tastes lean toward wreaking havoc in an affectionately-parodied domestic setting. Part of the fun of the GTA games comes from the wanton, careless destruction you can cause if you so desire, and Mercenaries doesn\'t let you go quite as amorally ape-shit as Grand Theft Auto. Sure, you can call in aerial support to nuke a building, but you incur monetary penalties when you \"accidentally\" run down innocent civilians. Come to think of it, why are there civilians stumbling aimlessly about in the middle of an army tank fight?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not badmouthing Mercenaries. It’s a solid game, I guess, but it lacks the humor and personality of the series it’s obviously modeled after. The battle-hardened lone soldier story has been done to death, and done much better. But if it’s your thing, maybe you should give Mercenaries a rental. There\'s a possibility you’ll see something in it that I didn’t.
Player Two: Kung Fu Bork
Mercenaries... well, you... uh... blow shit up. A lot! That\'s about it! Review done! Good night!
Damn... you probably want me to go into detail, don’t you? Okay. Mercenaries sounds like this: KABOOM!
Ahem... anyturds, this is a fun game-- and, well, sometimes a painful game. I love hijacking every vehicle you get; that\'s awesome. The ability to use surgical strikes and carpet-bombing artillery is so much fun, I wish it didn’t cost any game money to use them. You can seriously blow up any building you see.
Ahem... anyturds, this is a fun game-- and, well, sometimes a painful game. I love hijacking every vehicle you get; that\'s awesome. The ability to use surgical strikes and carpet-bombing artillery is so much fun, I wish it didn’t cost any game money to use them. You can seriously blow up any building you see.
The only painful thing is that the mission objectives are not very clearly described at times. I found myself wandering around a couple times trying to figure out what the hell I had to do. Other than that, the game is smooth sailing.
The game setup is basically like GTA, but in a war zone. It\'s a pretty cool concept. I wish, though, that when you killed your allies you didn’t lose money. When you kill North Koreans, however, you get some back. I just wish you could literally go on a rampage. Ah, well... I haven’t beaten the game yet, so maybe I will get my murderous wish in the end.
The game setup is basically like GTA, but in a war zone. It\'s a pretty cool concept. I wish, though, that when you killed your allies you didn’t lose money. When you kill North Koreans, however, you get some back. I just wish you could literally go on a rampage. Ah, well... I haven’t beaten the game yet, so maybe I will get my murderous wish in the end.
artid
3012
Old Image
7_7_nowplaying.jpg
issue
vol 7 - issue 07 (mar 2005)
section
entertainmental