admin
22 December 2023
One is a certifiable genius. The other is Vinnie. Together, they are two of the most brilliant inventors in all of Pangaea. Wayne recognized this, and has given them a column to share with you the wonders of their progressive, modern minds.
THIS PART WAS WRITTEN BY VINNIE
Never in a million years would I have imagined myself giving a lecture at a private art college. I’d always assumed most of my eventual public speaking engagements, if any, would consist solely of a few \"Yes, your honor\"s and a \"not guilty\" or two. But seven years of hard work and harassing phone calls can apparently pay off when your intention is to alter the course of fate.
The editors of tastes like chicken, myself included, recently gave the mother of all visiting artist lectures this past April 11th at the Columbus College of Art and Design in beautiful Columbus, Ohio. Was it as glorious as the Second Coming? Yes, but with far less locusts.
From the moment it was glitter-penned in on our calendars, our preparations began. Pyrotechnics were purchased. Motörhead was contacted. And 36 fresh-bodied strippers were booked in advance. Now it was time to plan for the lecture.
Each morning, we woke up to an intense calisthenic regimen and modified our daily diets to ensure maximum stamina and energy expenditure the day of the show. We had Anastasia, our wonderful wardrobe advisor, design us some fancy new poly-cotton threads for the big night. And Wayne and I did a stint in rehab because WrestleMania 21 was really fucking intense.
As for the lecture itself? Well, I’ll let my number-named tag-team partner fill you in on that, because I’ve been rambling far too long.
And because I relapsed ten minutes before the actual lecture began. I mean really relapsed.
THIS PART WAS WRITTEN BY #716
What? A lecture?
Is that what happened last Monday?
Oh.
I guess that explains a lot, that the staff of TLC went and gave a lecture at the Columbus College of Art and Design on April 11th. I just hadn\'t really thought about it. I didn\'t know what the hell was going on. It started on a Sunday afternoon... I\'m guessing that it was Sunday, April 10th. I was either preparing my taxes or playing Game Boy-- I forget which-- when Wayne stormed in and started yelling at me.
\"What the hell are you doing?\" he shouted. \"We\'re leaving! Get in the fucking car!\"
\"Huh?\" I replied. \"Oh. Okay.\"
And then we rode in the car for a really long time. I\'m pretty sure it was longer than two hours, but maybe it wasn\'t. I was still working on my taxes, so I wasn\'t really keeping track of time. It was dark when we arrived someplace, probably because it was nighttime, so we unloaded the car and slept in some building that wasn\'t my house.
You know, now that I think about it, I was probably playing Game Boy. I did my taxes on the 15th. Yeah.
So then the next day we had to go sit on a couch on a stage in an auditorium while Wayne talked. There were slides being projected on a screen behind us, and I think there were people in the audience watching us. It was kind of dark in there, so I can\'t really be sure. I think Wayne was talking about the history of the magazine, which I don\'t know too much about, so I really couldn\'t contribute too much to the discussion. But one of the slides was a picture of Tom Brokaw holding a rubber taco, so Vinnie made me do my not-too-accurate Tom Brokaw impression. People laughed, so I guess there was an audience after all. But I think Vinnie was drunk.
All in all, I\'d say that the lecture was a big success. People got to look at slides, which is always awesome, and I got to bust out the ol\' Brokaw voice. And afterwards, a bunch of strangers came up to me and told me they liked the magazine. And it all took place in a building that looked a little familiar.
Dr. Mario. I was playing Dr. Mario.
artid
3084
Old Image
7_9_vin716.jpg
issue
vol 7 - issue 09 (may 2005)
section
stories