JEREMY'S TOY BOX PRESENTS: REVENGE OF THE SITH

Matt Zitron: I think we should begin by saying a bit about ourselves and Star Wars. I was born in 1983, and was born into Star Wars. My older brother was seven years old when the first film came out, and I got all of his old toys. I watched the films on tape long before the prequels.

Jeremy Scott: I was born in 1976, and saw Star Wars in the theater with my mother when I was three years old. My mom wouldn\'t get me any of the toys until Return of the Jedi came out. Consequently, I buy any Star Wars toy I see-- one last act of defiance against my dear old mom.

MZ: So, you’re a true member of the Rebel Alliance.

JS: Aw, stop. Flattery will get you everywhere. So, I\'m sure everyone would like to hear about Toys \"R\" Us\' Star Wars midnight madness sale in the UK.

MZ: It was a major letdown. British fans are far more low-key than Americans. I can imagine in the States it was a lot of running and fighting. The UK was a load of fat dads who barely bought anything. There was also that whole Holo Yoda thing.

JS: There were only ten at my store. Needless to say, I missed out. Of course, I bought pretty much everything else. What did you get?

MZ: Just a set of all the regular 3-3/4\" figures, one Lego set, and three Holo Yodas! Well, it was me and these dads, some of whom were with their kids.

JS: At midnight?!? Some people shouldn\'t have children.

MZ: If I was allowed to go toy shopping at midnight when I was a kid, I\'d be the happiest child on Earth. The doors opened and we went over to the noisy Star Wars display. If you bought two figures you got a Yoda for free, so I grabbed three because I was there with my girlfriend and another friend. Then people began to moan, even though there were plenty of them. Next, this Toys \"R\" Us employee comes up and asks me why I had so many Yodas? These grown men actually told on me!

JS: Lousy snitches!

MZ: Either because I was smarter than them, or because I had a hot 20-year-old girlfriend, and their wives just got done pumping out a load of kids. Needless to say, I left with three Yodas.

JS: You are a sneaky bastard, and I thank you for the Yoda.

MZ: Raiders of the Lost Ark is on TV. It’s like God is smiling on me.

JS: Yeah, Empire Strikes Back is on here. It’s like God is taunting me. So, out of all the stuff you bought, what\'s your favorite?

MZ: Hmmm... I’d have to say my Plo Koon.

JS: He is pretty sweet. The soft outfit looks really nice, and makes snuggling really fun on cold nights.

MZ: You’re thinking of Ki-Adi-Mundi! Get it right, or Lucas will come and eat you.

JS: Or worse yet, smack me in the face with his gigantic, bionic chin. Mas Amedda is currently my favorite figure. I like his sexy removable tongue. I don\'t think the early numbered figures are particularly good-- mainly because they’re loaded with silly action features.

MZ: Yeah, Anakin and Obi-Wan\'s arms are all floppy.

JS: A floppy-armed Jedi is absolutely useless. Unless, of course, he has a chicken dancing feature. I didn’t purchase any of the Attacktix, but I know you love them.

MZ: They\'re fantastic! It’s the easiest board game ever. You have a team of figures, with a combined point value of 100. And you then have to knock over the opposing person\'s figures with either missiles or swipes. It’s great. I even played it with my girlfriend, who\'s kicked my arse four out of five times, but she also likes to fire the missile directly at me.

JS: How do you move?

MZ: You have a number on the base, and you move your character that many \"tix\". There\'s this little wheel in the base of the figure, and it ticks when you move it. All you need are figures and a flat space.

JS: How close do you have to be before you can attack your opponent’s piece?

MZ: You could be as close as you want, but it’s obviously easier to knock them over the closer you are. There are three different kinds of missiles. Two are normal, but some Jedi have a \"Force Push\" missile. Did you end up getting any Legos?

JS: Oh yeah, all the sets. The volcanic planet of Mustafar is probably my favorite, because Ani and Obi have light-up sabers, and there’s a fighting feature. I absolutely love Legos.

MZ: I\'ve got the Clone Walker, Anakin versus the Vulture Droid, and the Arc Fighter. The Arc got released in early March in the UK, because we’re the best country. The Ark of the Covenant has just been opened and Nazis are melting. What\'s happening in Empire?

JS: Luke’s levitating boxes while Yoda exclaims, \"Yesss.\"

MZ: Perverted little midget.

Our discussion continued for over an hour covering many topics, including Star Wars video games, books, and that dirty girl Natalie Portman. I had no idea her last name is really Hershlag. How exotic. Unfortunately, I couldn’t include everything discussed, so I’ll depart to you what I ultimately discovered. Whatever you’re into, life is about reaching out to people and forming lasting friendships. Today, that is what Star Wars did for me. That almost justifies spending $20,000+ on Star Wars merchandise. Almost.