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22 December 2023
Player One: Staff Member #716
Okay, I’m about to admit to something here that is going to make me look extremely unprofessional. I normally try to avoid reading other game publications\' reviews of the games that Das Bork and I intend to cover. Unfortunately, God of War has been out for a few months, and I’ve inadvertently read a review or two in the time since its release. Turns out it’s gotten overwhelming heaps of good press; in fact, there are \"Game of the Year\" rumblings coming from a number of respected periodicals already.
As for me, I hate hype, so I set out to find something negative to say about it. I mean, the way some mags were going on and on about it, you’d think that Midway Games hired a team of archaeologists to find the remains of Christ’s physical body, slice it up, and then pack it into God of War\'s DVD cases. By merely playing the game, you are immediately granted passage into eternal paradise, or so I gather. Nothing could possibly be as good as some of these reviews would lead you to believe, right?
Well... it ain\'t a box o\' sliced Jesus, but God of War comes together to make an almost critic-proof game. So here’s my token attempt at giving it some bad press:
I wish there were more boss battles. You engage in a brilliant confrontation with the Hydra at the end of the first level, which requires a bit of ingenuity and observation to defeat. After that, it’s a long way to the next cleverly-designed boss fight-- a flaw I’d have more objection to if the enemies along the way weren’t so infuriatingly entertaining. And if you can overlook the inconsistencies with the original Greek myths (Wasn’t there only one Minotaur? And didn’t Theseus kill it?), then you just might be able to enjoy God of War.
Player Two: Yeah, I’m German
Okay, I’m about to admit to something here that is going to make me look extremely unprofessional. I normally try to avoid reading other game publications\' reviews of the games that Das Bork and I intend to cover. Unfortunately, God of War has been out for a few months, and I’ve inadvertently read a review or two in the time since its release. Turns out it’s gotten overwhelming heaps of good press; in fact, there are \"Game of the Year\" rumblings coming from a number of respected periodicals already.
As for me, I hate hype, so I set out to find something negative to say about it. I mean, the way some mags were going on and on about it, you’d think that Midway Games hired a team of archaeologists to find the remains of Christ’s physical body, slice it up, and then pack it into God of War\'s DVD cases. By merely playing the game, you are immediately granted passage into eternal paradise, or so I gather. Nothing could possibly be as good as some of these reviews would lead you to believe, right?
Well... it ain\'t a box o\' sliced Jesus, but God of War comes together to make an almost critic-proof game. So here’s my token attempt at giving it some bad press:
I wish there were more boss battles. You engage in a brilliant confrontation with the Hydra at the end of the first level, which requires a bit of ingenuity and observation to defeat. After that, it’s a long way to the next cleverly-designed boss fight-- a flaw I’d have more objection to if the enemies along the way weren’t so infuriatingly entertaining. And if you can overlook the inconsistencies with the original Greek myths (Wasn’t there only one Minotaur? And didn’t Theseus kill it?), then you just might be able to enjoy God of War.
Player Two: Yeah, I’m German
God of War. You know this is a good game when, after playing it for Ares knows how long, you take a look in the mirror and you can see every single little bloodshot vein in your eyeballs! Real addictive, ladies. Kudos to you, Ares, my God of War. Praise be your bloody, murderous name!
I’m supposing that most of you reading this have already played this game by now. If you haven’t, well, you might just-- heh-- be a monkey\'s uncle. I will go out on limb here and say that this is my most recommended game to play this year.
Why is this game so awesome? Well, I don’t know \'bout baskets, but it might be all the freaking kickass ways you can kill your enemies. Let me tell you, if you\'ve got some wicked murderous desires inside your heart, this game might fill that bloody desire by lake loads. If you like to use your brain a little bit, this game gives you some nice and enjoyable puzzle challenges, too.
I would definitely compare this game to Devil May Cry. It plays a lot like that game. I was surprised to find out that it wasn’t made by the same people. It’s Devil May Cry, but with a lot more story. You gotta love this game. I really can’t wait for the sequel.
artid
3172
Old Image
7_11_nowplaying.jpg
issue
vol 7 - issue 11 (jul 2005)
section
entertainmental