Dear Franklin,
I really love my boyfriend, but try as I may, I cannot do anything to improve his hygiene! Please tell him that deodorant is not something that is optional, and that not using it is definitely unsexy!
Tolerant in Toledo,
- Wendy Briggs
Wendy\'s boyfriend (who apparently doesn\'t have a common-law or biblical name), listen up.
Deodorant was invented in 1888. Previous to that, people were not attracted to one another. A man lusting after a woman (or vice versa) was unheard of. People never had sex or romance. Perhaps you have heard of the shotgun wedding? In fact, it was more of a shotgun conception. You see, parents forced their offspring to fornicate with other people in order to have the human race continue.
And to answer your next obvious question: yes, the shotgun was invented in approximately 9500 B.C. And perhaps your other question: the reason all great literature was considered so great was because it was such good fiction! Look at Romeo and Juliet, for instance. People loved it so much because they thought the idea of dying for another stinking person was wildly hilarious!
So please remember to soak every pore of your body with an artificial fragrance to the point of inundating all persons within a 100-feet radius. As always, the natural human form should be a source of great shame!
Dear Franklin,
The last few years, I\'ve been focusing a lot on my career and getting myself to where I think I should be in life. I think I\'m almost there. I\'ve started my own business and only work about 25 hours a week. I have a great house and spend tons of time reading, exercising, and traveling. Everything is perfect, except I haven\'t met anyone to share my life with yet.
Most people I know agree that I am a catch, but I just never seem to meet anyone worthwhile. Do you have any ideas where all the great women are hiding out these days? Thanks, and I hope your piano tuning thing works out for you.
Almost there in Peabody,
- Glenn Zipper
Glenn,
That\'s real great that you have managed to get your life together so well. I bet it feels really good not to have to scrounge to make ends meet, and actually get to enjoy your time working out and travelling. Why, I bet you never even have to crawl into work hung-over just so you can get enough change to do your laundry. Good for you, Glenn. Good for you.
Hey, dear readers, why don\'t you just drop what you\'re doing and send old Glenn a singing telegram or something telling him how great he is?
Well, Glenn, it just so happens that I do know where all the \"together\" women are spending their time. Although I prefer instead to spend my time away from them, toiling away my nights in front of the computer to help out people like you. So I guess the answer to your question is yes, Glenn. Yes I do.
HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MATTERS OF YOUR HEART? EMAIL FRANKLIN HERE FOR ALL THE ANSWERS.