Well, no. I really don’t. But wouldn’t that be cool? I mean, not as cool as living in an art museum, like those kids in From The Mixed-Up Files Of Mrs. Basil E. Frankenweiler. That book was my shit when I was younger. I think it’s what graduated me out of those \"Choose Your Own Adventure\" books. You could say I chose my own adventure, much like the kids in From The Mixed-Up Files Of Mrs. Basil E. Frankenweiler. Shit. Sorry. I already used that joke. Damn, dude.
These are really hard to write when you have no real focus. I mean, how in the hell am I supposed to tell you about my travel experience when I’m not even having one? Maybe I could just go to an art museum or something and stay in the bathroom when it’s closing, so I can spend the night in there, not unlike the kids in-- FUCK! What the hell is wrong with me?!?
THIS NEXT PART WAS WRITTEN BY #716
Well damn, Vinnie. I honestly don\'t remember what this column was going to be about... wait, did I say that right? Or did I say \"aboot\" on accident? Did we go to Canada for something?
No, that can\'t be right. Besides, they don\'t really talk like that up there. I used to go out with this Canadian girl who was a big Tears For Fears fan, but she was never like, \"Shoot, shoot, let it all oot, these are the things I can doo withoot....\" If she talked like that, then she would\'ve called her grandma\'s foot disease \"goot\", right?
Hey, that\'d be a good name for a dog, huh? \"C\'mere, Goot!\" \"Good boy, Goot!\" \"Quit chewing on the lamp cord, Goot!\" Yeah. I like the sound of it. Goot\'s awesome. I bet I could teach Goot to dial 911 if I ever slipped in the shower or something. And as soon as the paramedics showed up at the house, they\'d read Goot\'s nametag and be all like, \"Goot? What the fuck kinda name is that?\" They\'d probably think it was short for Steve Guttenberg or something. Idiots.
Hey, would his nametag be a \"Goot N-tag\" then?
Okay, I think I\'ve taken this about as far as it\'s gonna go....