admin
22 December 2023
I go to the bathroom a lot. We all do. It\'s no secret. I mean, if you eat or drink, chances are at some point during your day you\'re gonna have to find a toilet. And if you don\'t, well, then you\'re just a freak. Or you\'re going to explode very, very soon. So I\'m gonna start reviewing public restrooms that I either frequent or happen upon. This month I have decided to review a john at Classic Lanes Bowling Alley on South Howell Avenue in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Some of us found ourselves there on Valentine\'s Day for a night of bowling, fried food, and jukebox music. After a couple games and a few pitchers, I found my way to the front of the bar where the men\'s room was located.
Boy, was I shocked.
Seriously, this had to be the cleanest fucking bowling alley bathroom not only on Earth, but in the history of bowling alley bathrooms. If need be, I could have eaten a piece of our cardboard-like $10 pizza off the floor of this bathroom.
First of all, it was a private room, meaning it was just a toilet and a sink in a room with a locking door. It\'s common knowledge in the world of lavatories that private bathrooms are the best, just as public bathrooms with piss troughs and stalls that have no doors are the worst. If I wanted to, I could have hung out in there all night without ever being bothered. It wasn\'t anything like a public bathroom. It was more like a porcelain kingdom, from which I could rule over the land and its people.
Ahhh... dreams. I had some of those once.
If I were to close my eyes while using this bathroom I would have thought that I was in my own home using my own bathroom. Actually, that\'s not true. It smelled better than my bathroom at home.
It was stocked with supplies and totally void of any mystery smells. Before I used it, of course. And as if to prove to the person using the facility that the room was the bomb shit, it was lit up like a porn set. It was almost as if they were daring me to try and find something dirty about the place. Fortunately, I could not.
My only real complaint is that it was void of paper hand towels, and instead had one of those pull-down towel/Petri dish things to dry your hands on. Personally, I need throw-away towels. I need them because no matter how clean a bathroom is, I don\'t like touching the handle of the toilet, the sink, or the doorknob. Because of this, I was forced to do the old \"hand in the sleeve\" trick to open the door. Still, not a bad price to pay for such a wonderful place to excrete.
So if you\'re ever on the south side of Milwaukee and are looking for a great place to get rid of some stuff, you can do much, much worse than the front bar bathroom at Classic Lanes on South Howell Avenue. Believe me, because chances are I\'ve used it. I have the bladder of a six-year-old girl. Too bad I don\'t have the hair of one, too.
CHANCE OF SITTING DOWN: 100%
SMELL: A
SUPPLIES: B
CLEANLINESS: A
artid
3637
Old Image
8_9_toilet.jpg
issue
vol 8 - issue 09 (may 2006)
section
entertainmental