Normally, this column is for everyone. I write it for you, dear readers, because I love you so much. And because you’ll listen. Or read. Or whatever.

Anyway, this month’s installment is a little different, though. Yes, this month’s \"Wayne Says...\" is being written for an audience of one. And that one is you: Mr. Brad Pitt.

Dear Franklin,

A couple of months ago my roommate moved out unexpectedly. I put up a few ads and told all my friends I needed a new roommate, but no one responded. After two months, I ran out of money and let the first person who asked about the apartment be my new roommate.