It's finally here. The movie everyone has been waiting for! I have never seen a book/movie that has so many people, old and young alike, in such an uproar. Unlike most films, Harry Potter sticks very close to the book. There are some minor story changes that helped to keep the movie at its 2½ hour running time. It might be good for all the kids that read the book to see how rewarding reading can be: you always get more from the book. The movie is great, and the story doesn't drag in any way. I did have one small problem with the film.

So you’re hanging out in this crowded, run-down dive of a bar, drinking away another 9 to 5 nightmare. You holler for the barkeep to come top you off. After about the third round, you notice that the bartender is Megaman and, instead of an arm cannon, he’s sporting a high-end martini-blaster. Link and Zelda are making out in the corner, Pac-Man’s working the door, and King Koopa is on crowd control. Then, without warning, Pitfall Harry takes to the turntables and everybody starts dancing. You suddenly realize that you’re not in a dive bar at all.

If you look at the original poster for this movie, the very first thing you read is "They transplanted a WHITE BIGOT'S HEAD onto a BROTHER'S BODY!" This is really all there is to this movie, too. Picture this: it's 1972, equal rights is in its infancy, and a couple of hip, stoned crackers say to each other, "Let's do our part to promote racial equality by doing a movie where this racist doctor, Max Kirshner (Ray Milland), wants to live forever by having his head transplanted onto a donor body, removing the donor's head once his head has taken over.

Somewhere "out there" exists a place where a 7-year-old me did not receive his first comic (Tomb of Dracula) from the girl next door. He's married and has the same kids that I do, but he collects bottle caps or something. He doesn't work in a comic book store. He doesn't even know they have stores that just sell comics.

DEBBIE'S PICK: A man of simple tastes would claim any Nat King Cole LP as his all-time favorite Christmas album. Being a man of utmost refinement, I’m forced to claim Guns and Roses’ Use Your Illusion II as mine. While the standard holiday crooners urge us to “Hark, yon herald,..” and “Deck the halls,..” GNR reminds us to skip AA and wreck our Trans-Am’s.

Okay. Imagine the musical backing of Dinosaur Jr., with Mike Ness trying to harmonize vocals over top of it. Can you hear it in your head? Well, that’s sort of what you get with The Stepford Five. Some other writer, named Frank Esposito, said, “They’re Bush with guts and soul…” Take that for what it’s worth. I wouldn’t exactly call it a good reference, for the band’s sake, but it’s pretty right on. The Stepford Five are a nice change to the Columbus-based music I usually review in that these guys are actually good.

There is a new crime fighter spreading his buttery justice over the nooks and crannies of tired television. He is The Tick. Yes, Ben Endlund’s cult comic is back as a live action TV show. The Tick is a gigantic seven-foot mental patient who desperately wants to dish out large helpings of justice pie to the miscreants of The City. He is wonderfully portrayed by Patrick Warburton, who played “Puddy” on Seinfeld. Of course, every superhero needs a sidekick.

Of all the toy lines currently on the market, none have touched my soul quite like the Simpsons toy line from Playmates. Their recent Christmas Playset is no exception. It faithfully recreates the Simpson living room from the very first episode, “Simpsons Roasting Over an Open Fire”. Each of the included figures have limited articulation and spectacular sculpts. And though Maggie Simpson is little more than a PVC figure, the attractive sculpt of her face and pose as she rides their dog makes up for the lack of articulation.

My religion peeled right off and I was left with nothing to blame or look up to. It's me, myself, and I, out on the battlefield, and there's no enemy on the other side, just the destitute meadow. So why am I carrying a spear around everywhere?