A few of you probably remember Dark Shadows, a pioneer in soap operas for its serial treatment of vampirism among other themes. You've probably also seen at least a few foreign vampire flicks like the previously critiqued Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires. However, there's a pretty good chance you haven't seen a foreign vampire flick with a soap opera feel, something that apparently could only be done in the Philippines. "The Philippines?" you ask. “Hell yes,” I reply.

You don't know me, but I am cool. And as you prepare to nominate films for an Academy Award, I beg of you: make note of How High. Not since Dude, Where's My Car? has there been a more compelling piece of American fiction captured on celluloid. How High has all the makings of a comedy classic: a grittier, wittier, modern-day Martin and Lewis-type comedy duo; a high jinks-saturated storyline; and pounds upon pounds of alternative smoking.

From Wes Anderson and Owen Wilson, the guys that brought you Bottle Rocket and Rushmore, comes the story of Royal Tenenbaum, a father of three young geniuses who, now all grown up, are trying to move on after their parents' divorce. Ben Stiller plays Chas Tenenbaum. He lost his wife in a plane crash, and now he and his two sons wear red Adidas jumpsuits to help identify themselves in case of an emergency. It's little gems like this that set this film apart. The story is told in a novel fashion.

In 1986, comic book writer/artist Frank Miller unleashed a Batman mini-series on an unsuspecting public: The Dark Knight Returns. It featured a 60-year-old Bruce Wayne who had hung up his cape ten years earlier. Gotham City was sliding closer and closer to hell, Commissioner Gordon was being forced to retire, and it took a riot started by a street gang known as the Mutants to bring Batman back. Miller's Batman was built like a brick wall, although time had caused some cracks to form. Miller's Batmobile was a tank. Literally.

Joe Rogan used to be on the NBC sitcom News Radio, and is currently host of Fear Factor. He got his start doing stand-up, and is still hitting the club scene every weekend. Now, with web access, you can enjoy the comedic stylings of Rogan in the comfort of your own home. For just $18.99, you can get one of the rudest, most offensive, and confrontational (Did I mention funny?) comedic performances available on VHS and DVD.

Industrial goth-rock groups always seem to get a bad rap. The only way to experience industrial goth music is to be there to see it, smell it, and feel it working its way under your skin. Part of the undeniable charm of Only Flesh is that their love for the painful pleasure of self-mutilation inhabits each song. Their latest seven-song disc, Dissecting the Skin Box, all but begs you to see them live. The show is what you need to get the band’s full effect. The sounds are creepy and heavy on the synthetic blood sauce, leaving the listener ready for a bath or ripe for a piercing.

10 ALBUMS THAT DIDN'T SUCK ASS IN 2001:
BETA BAND • Hot Shots II - I once saw the Beta Band listed as an emo-rock band. Fuck whoever wrote that shit. Hot Shots II, like the Beta Band, is playful, noisy and a good time. It doesn’t take itself too seriously, but the music and production on it surpasses almost anything else out there today.

There's nothing like a model ship to warm a tired pirate's heart. Especially when there's a big ass shark eating it. Yes, those crazy toymakers at McFarlane Toys (a company renowned for their meticulous detail) have outdone themselves again with the Jaws playset. Inspired by the dramatic climax of the movie, this playset very accurately and violently depicts the final moments of the shark hunter Quint in the mouth of the gigantic beast. Wow! When you're done feeding tiny Quint to the shark, he can be removed and placed in provocative poses.

JANUARY FUN FACT:
Uncle Randy will not be eating his pie naked this year.

Nintendo announced Monday that it would be releasing yet another new game system later this year.
“Even though the Game Cube was just recently released in stores, we’re already looking to the future for a newer and hipper system,” said Nintendo spokesperson Marrianne Tillery. “We know that true gaming fans are tired of fluid motion and fully-rendered, 360-degree interactive games. We’re looking to the past for the future. We’re hoping that this will begin a whole retro movement in the gaming industry.”