Dear America.com,

I write to you, excited for the new year ahead. 1987 is looking to be better and brighter than 2002, and the signs are already starting to show. For starters, WWII is over, as is the recession it brought with it (one of the worst recessions our nation has seen since Daddy was in office). This means great things for we, the freedom-loving American people: bigger cars, larger TV screens, more prisons for the homeless,.. and John Travolta. Seems like ol’ Disco-dick’s career gets a swift kick in the right direction every time things start looking up in these 53 states. Either my botching things up to high Heaven has angered those nancy-boy Hollywood screenwriters enough to start writing really good scripts again, or Scientology really pays off.

That’s gotta be it.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah: Road to El Dorado. Can’t nothing beat a cartoon movie about dudes and horses. So get on out and see it. I’ll be here, tucked away in my Armageddon-proof bunker, wearing my Bob the Builder jammies, anxiously awaiting your letters. I need more stuff to Mod Podge my Sit ‘n Spin with.

2 Cool 4 U,

Dubya

EMAIL ME AT DUBYA@TLCHICKEN.COM