The legendary question: Do dogs have lips?
It's the one question we're guaranteed to ask.

JURASSIC 5'S CUT CHEMIST (MUSICIAN)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Do dogs have lips?
Cut Chemist: Well if they did, they could whistle. Couldn't they?
V: So are you saying yes or no?
C: No. They don't.
V: Thank you. (Turns and looks smugly at Wayne Chinsang, who believes dogs do indeed have lips.)
C: He thinks they do? (Points to Wayne)
V: We ask everyone, and, like, Bo Diddley thinks they do.
C: You asked Bo Diddley?
V: Yeah. Everyone we interview, we ask 'em if dogs have lips.
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BO DIDDLEY (MUSICIAN)
Debbie: Do dogs have lips?
Bo Diddley: I think a dog's got lips. They got teeth just like anybody else. And a rooster got teeth, too. (laughs)
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JIM BREUER (COMEDIAN)
Darby O’Gill: Do dogs have lips?
Jim Breuer: Well whatever they have, they use it to sniff other dog's rear ends. (laughs) Yeah, they have lips.

MARK BORCHARDT (FILMMAKER)
Wayne Chinsang: In your amateur opinion, do dogs have lips?
Mark Borchardt: Yeah, I think they do.

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TOM SAVINI (ACTOR/DIRECTOR/FX MAN)
Spacey Headcase: Do dogs have lips?
Tom Savini: Yes. Yes they do.

UNTAPPED TALENT: JON BENNETT (ZOOASS.COM PRESIDENT)
Cornelius Caution: Do dogs have lips?
Jon Bennett: Of course. The purpose of lips is to stop drool from running out of your mouth. If dogs didn't have lips you would find thousands of dog owners drowned in pools of their dog's saliva.

KING DJANGO (MUSICIAN)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Do dogs have lips?
King Django: Of course they do. So do chickens, if you soak 'em long enough.

FRANK KOZIK (ARTIST)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Do dogs have lips?
Frank Kozik: Yes.
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CRAIG McCRACKEN (CARTOON CREATOR)
Tina Wells: Do dogs have lips?
Craig McCracken: No.
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G. LOVE (MUSICIAN)
Tina Wells: In your amateur opinion, do you think dogs have lips?
G. Love: (long pause) Yeah. Dogs have lips.
T: And your reason?
G: Well, there's the fur and then there's the inside of the lip and the ridge along the bottom. That's the lip.
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ANTHONY CLARK (COMEDIAN)
Darby O’Gill: Do dogs have lips?
Anthony Clark: No. I don't think they do. They have jowls. It's the best part to play with on any big dog. The sides of the mouth, where it hangs down; especially on pit bulls. But be careful. Don't feed them marshmallows,.. with your mouth.

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ANDI WATSON (ILLUSTRATOR)
Cans McKenzey: Do dogs have lips?
Andi Watson: If they do, why are they such crappy kissers? And they always slip you the tongue. Have you ever noticed that?
C: I'll take your word on that one.

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UNTAPPED TALENT: PHILLIP GREGORY (ILLUSTRATOR)
Debbie: Are there dogs in the Darklanders world?
Phillip Gregory: There probably are dog-like creatures somewhere.
D: Alright. In your amateur opinion, do those dog-like creatures have lips?
P: (laughs) Um, there is a breed of Darklanders dogs that do have lips.
D: Just this one breed?
P: Yes.
D: So the other breeds don't?
P: That's right.
D: Wow. That's like a half-and-half answer. I don't think we've ever gotten one of those before.
P: Cool.

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HARLAND WILLIAMS (COMEDIAN)
Darby O’Gill: Do dogs have lips?
Harland Williams: Hell yeah!
D: Do hot-dogs have lips?
H: Hot-dogs are made of lips. And assholes.

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ELVIRA (MISTRESS OF THE DARK)
Cap'n Booty: Do you think dogs have lips?
Elvira: They do. I know they do.
C: How do you know?
E: Because I have kissed many.

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KATHY GRIFFIN (COMEDIENNE)
Darby O’Gill: Do dogs have lips?
Kathy Griffin: Well, I'm obsessed with my dogs. We have two dogs, and I know they smile when they're good boys! But are they lips? I don't know if dogs do, but I do know Kenneth Branagh doesn't. I don't know if you've ever noticed that. He doesn't really have lips. He just kind of has a hole in his head that is his mouth.

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THOSE DARN ACCORDIONS' PAUL ROGERS (MUSICIAN)
Bethany Shady: In your opinion, do dogs have lips?
Paul Rogers: I can actually talk about that a little bit because we just got a dog named Oscar. The dog sleeps in my bed and I'll wake up in the morning and there's Oscar's face right in front of mine. I wouldn't say that they're lips so much; just sort of the end of the mouth. I would have to say no, dogs don't have lips.

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J. OTTO SEIBOLD (ILLUSTRATOR)
Cans McKenzey: In your opinion, do you think dogs have lips?
J. Otto Seibold: That's where I always kiss them.

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DAPHNE RUBIN-VEGA (ACTRESS)
Funk Amphibian: Do dogs have lips?
Daphne Rubin-Vega: Yes, definitely. That purpley, brown, rubbery thing that hovers over their teeth. That's a lip.

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UNTAPPED TALENT: DAVE McCREARY (MAGICIAN)
Funk Amphibian: In your magical opinion, do dogs have lips?
Dave McCreary: (laughing) I was making out with my dog the other day, and I swear he had lips. But I could be wrong. He used a lot of tongue, so I may have mistaken tongue for lips.

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SHIA LaBEOUF (ACTOR)
Bethany Shady: In your opinion, do dogs have lips?
Shia LaBeouf: Yes. My dog has lips. I think they have lips because when I always chill with my dog, I always mess with the lip. You know, when you suck on the bottom lip of the dog. I know everybody does it. Don't deny it, people.

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MIKE MIGNOLA (ILLUSTRATOR)
Debbie: Do you think dogs have lips?
Mike Mignola: Yes.
D: You do? Excellent! Is there any reason why?
M: Because I had a dog and he had things that were kinda like lips.

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UNTAPPED TALENT: ANDY CLARKSON (ILLUSTRATOR)
Cans McKenzey: Do you think dogs have lips?
Andy Clarkson: Oh, of course.
C: We always ask that question. It's kind of our "claim to fame" question, so stop looking at me like that.
A: What's the general consensus?
C: It seems that most people agree that they do. I once called a veterinarian and he said they did. They're called mandibles.
A: Dogs have mandibles, then.

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TENACIOUS D'S KYLE GASS (MUSICIAN/COMEDIAN)
Darby O’Gill: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
Kyle Gass: No, I don't think so. I think they have more of a sort of jowly thing.

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HARRY SHEARER (ACTOR/DIRECTOR/RADIO HOST)
Bethany Shady: Do dogs have lips?
Harry Shearer: Well, I'm trying to visualize my dog, who does not have anything resembling lips. But my last dog used to bare his teeth when he felt guilty, and it looked like he had a little bit of lip curl when he'd do that. So I'm going to say it depends on the breed.
B: So which breed did you have that had lips, and which one didn’t?
H: Well, the lippy guy was a purebred black lab, and the non-lippy guy is a yellow lab and husky mix.
B: So it's depending on the breed.
H: That's what I think. I mean, I don't know if they judge that at the Westminster Dog Show. "Let's go for the lipped breeds and the non-lipped breeds."

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THE DISTILLERS' BRODY ARMSTRONG (MUSICIAN)
Debbie: This is our staple question. We ask everybody this. Do dogs have lips?
Brody Armstrong: Do dogs have lips?
D: We got into an argument years ago, and it's just gone on since then.
B: I think they do. Just really little, real thin ones.
D: Hell yes.
B: They gotta have something over their teeth. They lick their lips. I think they do. I think you're right.

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JOE ROGAN (COMEDIAN)
Darby O’Gill: Do dogs have lips?
Joe Rogan: Yes. Absolutely. You know how I know that?
D: How?
J: Because when you have pit bulls, sometimes they go crazy and bite shit. They get what's called “lipped”. That's when their teeth go through their lips. And you have to get it out, and the way to get it out is with a pencil.

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RENÉE FRENCH (ILLUSTRATOR)
Debbie: I'm of the opinion that dogs have lips. Do you agree?
Renée French: Yes! They definitely have lips! I love dog lips. And when dogs get older, they start to gray around the lip area and it makes them even more lip-like.
D: Do you think my question about dog lips is stupid?
R: Uh, no.
D: Well, even though it's a mainstay of our interviews, some of the staff members think the question has run its course. I'm pro-dog lips, and glad you are, too.
R: It's one of the best questions I've heard in a long time.

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LIZ McGRATH (ARTIST)
Debbie: Do you think dogs have lips?
Liz McGrath: Yes. I'm looking at my dog right now. She looks like she has black lips around her mouth.
D: (to Wayne Chinsang, as he walks into the room) She says they have lips.
Wayne Chinsang: Good.

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MARK BUEHNER (ILLUSTRATOR)
César: You've had a lot of practice drawing dogs with Maxi, The Hero. So, in your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
Mark Buehner: (laughter) It depends if they're talking to you or not. Sometimes you want to give it a little human look. So yes, you could toss in some lips with those dogs. Even chickens have lips.

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FRANK OZ (PERFORMER/DIRECTOR)
Wayne Chinsang: In your amateur opinion, do dogs have lips?
Frank Oz: Yes, but you can't see them. They're internal lips. They will show them to other dogs, but you will never see them.

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PAULY SHORE (COMEDIAN)
Darby O’Gill: Do dogs have lips?
Pauly Shore: It depends on where you find the dog. I mean, if you find it in the USA, definitely. If you find it over in Japan, they probably don't have lips.

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DJ SPOOKY aka PAUL MILLER (MUSICIAN)
Debbie: Nine out of ten dentists recommend that you use Crest toothpaste. With that in mind, do you think dogs have lips?
DJ Spooky: Yeah, definitely. It seems obvious. They have that black thing that marks the sides.
D: Amen.

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UNTAPPED TALENT: FAREL DALRYMPLE (ILLUSTRATOR)
Debbie: In your masterful opinion, do dogs have lips?
Farel Dalrymple: Yeah. I think they do, actually. When I think of a dog's face, I see a little lighter skinned area where the fur stops, before you get to the gums and the teeth. That, to me, is a lip.
D: Good answer.

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RICKY POWELL (PHOTOGRAPHER)
Debbie: For the record, in your amateur opinion, do dogs have lips?
Ricky Powell: Yes, definitely. I like to kiss dogs. I got no problem with that.

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THE MIGHTY BLUE KINGS' ROSS BON (MUSICIAN)
Wayne Chinsang: In your amateur opinion, do dogs have lips?
Ross Bon: Yeah, absolutely. When they're a puppy and don't really have teeth yet, they have to have lips.
W: Yeah, and they have to have something to cover their teeth. That's their lips.
R: Exactly.

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DAVE HOLMES (VJ)
Darby O’Gill: We here at tastes like chicken have an ongoing question, and we were hoping you could take a crack at it.
Dave Holmes: Oh boy!
D: Do dogs have lips?
D: They do! Big black ones. Which is really weird, because I actually asked that question to myself, when I had a dog as a child. I looked at this dog's mouth and was like, "What the hell is going on there?" So one day I just tackled him and went into a headlock. So, yeah: big black lips with weird gums.

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UNTAPPED TALENT: DJ BIG REG (MUSICIAN)
Debbie: In your amateur opinion, do dogs have lips?
DJ Big Reg: Yeah. And they have a severe overbite.
D: Hell yeah!
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COREY FELDMAN (ACTOR/MUSICIAN)
Tina Wells: In your opinion, do dogs have lips?
Corey Feldman: (laughs) Do dogs have lips? Um, definitely not. A lip would be something it could pucker.

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BRUCE CAMPBELL (ACTOR)
Frank Putzerelli: Do dogs have lips?
Bruce Campbell: I don't know. I never kissed one.

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TONY HAWK (PRO SKATER)
Neogeo The Prophet: In your opinion, do dogs have lips?
Tony Hawk: Mine does. But they are nasty.

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UNTAPPED TALENT: MANDY COOK (ARTIST)
Tina Wells: In your amateur opinion, do dogs have lips?
Mandy Cook: I believe they do, because I have two dogs that kiss me all the time.

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GOTTFRIED HELNWEIN (ARTIST)
Wayne Chinsang: In your amateur opinion, do dogs have lips?
Gottfried Helnwein: (laughs) Oh my god! The good thing is this is a question I've never been asked before. Do dogs have lips? I think so. I have four dogs. I've never kissed them on the lips, but I think they have lips.

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UNTAPPED TALENT: THE JOHNSON BROTHERS (MUSICIANS)
Debbie: Do dogs have lips?
Doug: They can smile. My dog smiles. They’ve got chicken lips.
Curtis: They’ve got pussy lips!
D: You ever see anybody with really thin lips? Like Gary from Knots Landing? My mom was always like, “He’s got chicken lips.” Yeah. Dogs have lips.
C: Yeah, dogs have lips.
Aaron: What was the question?

D: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
A: No. Dogs do not have lips.
Wade: Aw, bitch, whatever! (calling to his own dog, Shelby) There's a dog right there!
A: It doesn't have lips.
D: But they smile.
A: That doesn't mean they have lips. It means they have teeth.
W: (gesturing to Shelby's mouth/snout region) Look. What is this?
A: That's not really a lip. That's a mouth.
C: Ask her! Shelby, do you have lips?
Shelby: ...

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JOE SORREN (ILLUSTRATOR)
Fphatty Lamar: Do dogs have lips?
Joe Sorren: Definitely.

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BOB BARKER (GAME SHOW HOST)
Wayne Chinsang: In your amateur opinion, do dogs have lips?
Bob Barker: I can tell you that I'd rather be kissed by my dogs than by some people I've known.

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BELLE AND SEBASTIAN'S MICK COOKE (MUSICIAN)
Frank Putzerelli: Do dogs have lips?
Mick Cooke: You'd have to ask my girlfriend. She's a vet. And I can be an animal sometimes, so it helps.
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UNTAPPED TALENT: S.P.O.C.K'S ANDROID (MUSICIAN)
Spacey Headcase: Do dogs have lips?
Android: Does it matter? I don't intend to kiss 'em! And I hope nobody else feels some weird urge to do it either.

LAIKA'S GUY FIXSEN (MUSICIAN)
Tina Wells: In your amateur opinion, do dogs have lips?
Guy Fixsen: I'd have to say yes because I am sure they can kiss people, although I have never kissed a dog before.

KEVIN POLLAK (ACTOR)
Darby O’Gill: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
Kevin Pollak: Well, I don't know if it would be a professional opinion. That would suggest that I've worked with dogs. In my personal opinion, um,.. Jesus. I can't believe I'm taking time to try and answer this. You know what? Who fuckin' cares?

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DENIS LEARY (COMEDIAN/ACTOR)
Wayne Chinsang: In your amateur opinion, do dogs have lips?
Denis Leary: Do dogs have lips? No.
W: You're one of the first people to say no.
D: I've got four dogs and I don't think any of them have lips. And I don't think I've ever had a dog with lips.
W: Fair enough.

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BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT (COMEDIAN/ACTOR)
Darby O’Gill: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
Bobcat Goldthwait: In my professional opinion? (laughs) Uh, yeah, dogs definitely have lips. My dog, Jimmy Stewart, definitely has lips.
D: Your dog's name is Jimmy Stewart?
B: Yeah. I used to have a dog named Sid Vicious, but coyotes ate him.

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RUPAUL (ACTOR/ACTRESS/MUSICIAN/MODEL)
Wayne Chinsang: In your amateur opinion, do you think dogs have lips?
RuPaul: Yes.
W: Why?
R: So that they can kiss other dogs. And so that after they sniff another dog's ass, they can kiss it. I've seen dog's lips. Which set of lips are you talking about?
W: It's open to interpretation.
R: Because I have two sets of lips. (laughs)

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UNTAPPED TALENT: JERAL TIDWELL (ARTIST)
Realtoon: Do dogs have lips?
Jeral Tidwell: Hell yeah! Have you ever French-kissed a dog?
R: Not lately.
J: They have lips. Trust me.

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ROBERT SCHIMMEL (COMEDIAN)
Darby O’Gill: Do dogs have lips?
Robert Schimmel: Yes.
Melissa (Robert’s girlfriend): They do?
R: Well, it's not just gums; otherwise it would just be teeth showing.
M: But dogs don't have lips like,.. I mean, these are lips. (pointing to her lips)
R: Those are human lips.
M: Well, yeah. But dogs don't have lips like that. It's just--
R: Okay! What am I, a fucking zoologist?

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UNTAPPED TALENT: EDDIE GOSSLING (COMEDIAN)
Darby O’Gill: Do dogs have lips?
Eddie Gossling: Yeah, I guess, technically, they do. The lip is between the face and the mouth, before it becomes the inside of the mouth. Even if there is no "lippy" material, I think it still would technically be called the lip. I'm going to say yes! Dogs do have lips.

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DAVID CROSS (COMEDIAN)
Darby O’Gill: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
David Cross: Professionally, no. But, just as a person speaking outside of the profession, yes.

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SHEPARD FAIREY (ARTIST)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Okay, I have to ask you a really bizarre question now, because it's our trademark question. It's a very selfish thing for us.
Shepard Fairey: (laughs)
V: Do dogs have lips?
S: Um, yeah. They do. I used to always look at the inside of my dog’s mouth. I was sure he had lips, but I wasn't sure what was going on with his gums, like why the tongue and the gums weren't the same color. That was the thing I was curious about. Right where that fur part ends and the skin begins, that's the lips. They're thin. They're tight-lipped, but I think they have lips.
V: I'm so disappointed.
S: (laughs)
V: I'm convinced that they don't, and I'm so in the minority.
S: Well, I'm convinced they have lips. They're not too meaty, not too chunky. I don't know if they can pucker. Only in cartoons.

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TOM KENNY (ACTOR/VOICE TALENT)
Nigel Shady: Do you think dogs have lips?
Tom Kenny: Yeah. I think they do. Because sometimes a car will drive past me with a dog's head flapping out of the window, and I hear a flapping noise, and it just has to be lips. I think that's what those things flapping in the breeze are. But some dogs are more lippy than others.

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JILL THOMPSON (ILLUSTRATOR)
April May June Marie Lamar: Do doggies have lips?
Jill Thompson: Yeah. They have black, rubbery lips.
A: Poop. That’s what everyone else says, but I don’t think so.

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LEWIS BLACK (COMEDIAN)
Darby O’Gill: Do dogs have lips?
Lewis Black: Well, the last time I french kissed a pooch, I wasn't really sure. We were both just so hot for each other.

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THE BETA BAND'S RICHARD GREENTREE (MUSICIAN)
Wayne Chinsang: We ask everyone this: Do you think dogs have lips?
Richard Greentree: Um,.. (pauses) yeah. They prefer to use their tongues, but they do have lips. I saw one without lips once when I was lost somewhere in Europe. There was a dog in the square where I was sleeping and he came up to me. He looked like quite a nice dog, and I just figured that he was a stray that wanted to hang around for a few days. So he came up to me and he looked normal on one side, but then he turned his head the other way and he had both lips missing. It looked like a permanent grin on his face. It was really fucking scary. I had to send it away.
Fphatty Lamar: He was probably a war vet.
R: Yeah. But he had something bitten off that I would describe as a lip. So I would say yes, dogs do have lips.
W: Good. I also think they do, but she doesn’t. (points to Fphatty)
F: They can’t drink thru straws.
R: Yeah, but they can kiss though.
F: They kiss with their tongue.
R: Do they?
F: Yes.
R: How many dogs have you kissed?
W: Don’t ask. (laughs)

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FLOGGING MOLLY'S DAVE KING (MUSICIAN)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: I'm gonna let you go, because I know you have shit to do, but I have one last question.
Dave King: Absolutely.
V: It's our staple question: do dogs have lips?
D: Do they have lips? Well, you know what? My dog does something I've never seen another dog do, which makes me believe they do have lips. When I come in after having been gone for a while, he runs to the door, and he lifts these things, and he shows his teeth, like he's smiling! It's fucking hilarious. He puts his lips up and he shakes his head. He shows me all his teeth! I think my dog has lips. Especially when I'm kissing him. He definitely gives me a bit of lip. I slip him the tongue, but he just gives me lip.
BOTH: (laughing)
D: I love my dog. He's the fucking best. The bastard.

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ANGIE BAAN (PHOTOGRAPHER)
Debbie: My last question is something we ask everybody. Do dogs have lips?
Angie Baan: Hmm,.. I don't know. (laughs) I wanted to say something witty.
D: You're our first “I don't know.”
A: (laughs) Cool.

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JASON LEE (ACTOR)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Jason Lee: Well, they must. ‘Cause they’re all pretty damn good at licking their own balls and then smackin’ them lips when they’re done.

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UNTAPPED TALENT: CHRISTA DONNER (ARTIST)
Debbie: Last question: Do you think dogs have lips?
Christa Donner: Wow. Ya know, it depends on how you define “lips”. My cat doesn't have lips. She has one lip.
D: She does?
C: Yeah, the one on the bottom. So maybe dogs have one lip on the bottom. I haven't seen one lately. (laughing) It's hard to say.

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AIMEE BENDER (AUTHOR)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: This is a question we ask everyone we interview. It's all based on a friendly debate that started late one night three years ago or so: Do dogs have lips?
Aimee Bender: Doesn't it depend on the dog type? Maybe not. They have such fabulous gums, maybe it sort of takes over the lip part. I think I'll vote “no”.

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UNTAPPED TALENT: JAY MUELLER (ARTIST)
Darby O’Gill: Do dogs have lips?
Jay Mueller: Well, I know they definitely have tongues. I would say yes, dogs do have lips.

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GEORGE GRAY (GAME SHOW HOST)
Darby O’Gill: Do dogs have lips?
George Gray: You are a pervert. Next question.

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UNTAPPED TALENT: FORMER FACTORY (DESIGN HOUSE)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: And lastly, because I know you boys want it: do dogs have lips?
Nand Dussault: Absolutely. Otherwise they couldn't whistle. Because dogs can whistle, right? A wolf is a canine, right? And they always whistled in cartoons, right? Guys? Andy? Vinnie? Where are you guys going? I'm not finished yet--

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MIKE DOUGHTY (MUSICIAN)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Mike Doughty: (pauses) I don’t believe they have lips.
W: You don’t?
M: I don’t think they have lips.
W: Why is that?
M: (laughs) I don’t know why! You think I know why? I don’t know why they have no lips. They just don’t.

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PETER BILLINGSLEY (ACTOR/PRODUCER)
Wayne Chinsang: In your amateur opinion, do you think dogs have lips?
Peter Billingsley: (pauses) All dogs have lips.
W: Thank you.
P: What’s your opinion?
W: That’s what I say.
P: Absolutely. People say, “Give me a kissy,” don’t they?
W: And dogs are able to howl.
P: I’ve seen dogs smile. Are you a dog or cat guy?
W: Dog guy.
P: Same here.
W: I bought a black lab a couple months ago. Unfortunately, my fucking asshole landlord said I couldn’t have her, so I had to return her. But luckily my girlfriend bought it back. Now it lives with her.
P: So now you have visitation rights? (laughs)
W: (laughs) Yeah. I have to pay puppy support.

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JAMES GUNN (ACTOR/WRITER/DIRECTOR)
Wayne Chinsang: According to your bio on imdb.com you have a dog named Aubrey.
James Gunn: She’s dead. (laughs) She was my total heart, but she died last year after a long struggle with a liver disease. I had to feed her through a syringe six times a day.
W: I’m so sorry. (laughs)
J: No, that’s alright. I think about it all the time.
W: Well, I was going to ask you if Aubrey had lips, but--
J: Absolutely. They have black lips. There’s no doubt about it.
W: The argument started a while back with friends, and the group was split. So we decided to start asking people we interview.
J: Well, I think I can say as an absolute fact, that anyone that says dogs don’t have lips is a total fucking asshole. (laughs)
W: (laughs) And I can say as an absolute fact, that I’m glad I can quote you on that.

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UNTAPPED TALENT: SCOTT WILKOWSKI (TOY SCULPTOR)
Debbie: Now, for our staple question: not including Smoke Dog, have you ever sculpted a dog before?
Scott Wilkowski: I don't think so.
D: Well, if you did sculpt a dog, would you sculpt it with lips?
S: I think definitely. I think that dogs have lips. (laughs)
D: Word! (turning to Wayne) He thinks that dogs have lips!
Wayne Chinsang: (sorting through CDs) Of course.
S: (laughing) I've seen the website.
D: Did you vote on The Dog Lip Poll?
S: Yup. I voted. I let my voice be heard.

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SCOTT MORSE (ILLUSTRATOR)
Jim Mahfood: Finally, do dogs have lips?
Scott Morse: They do have lips. I was just looking at my dog’s lips. He's actually been working on forming consonants with his lips.
J: Really?
S: Yeah. He's got certain consonants and most vowels down. But it's funny to see him try to form an "o" with his lips. But that's how I know a dog has lips-- when he's trying to form an "o".
J: That's amazing.
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MIKE KENEALLY (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: One final question that we like to ask people: do you think dogs have lips?

Mike Keneally: Dogs?
N: Yeah.
M: No,.. no. (laughs)
N: You can elaborate if you want.
M: No. I don't feel I will elaborate. (laughs)
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CHRIS MURRAY (MUSICIAN)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: You wouldn't happen to study dogs, would you? Because we have this running debate here, as to whether or not dogs have lips. We ask everyone. What's your take on the subject?
Chris Murray: I don't really study dogs, but I do have a couple and I just checked them out. It seems like mine have lower lips, but not upper lips. Perhaps it's not correct to say that dogs have lips, but that a dog has a lip.
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CHYNNA CLUGSTON-MAJOR (COMIC BOOK ARTIST)
Debbie: If your character, Bleu, had a dog, would that dog have lips?
Chynna Clugston-Major: No. It'd be a boy.
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MINISTRY'S AL JOURGENSEN (MUSICIAN)
Rutherford G. Van Delay: Do dogs have lips?
Al Jourgensen: YES, OF COURSE. NOW I ASK YOU THIS BACK: DOES A POPE SHIT IN THE WOODS? IS THE BEAR CATHOLIC?

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THE JON SPENCER BLUES EXPLOSION'S JUDAH BAUER (MUSICIAN)
Rutherford G. Van Delay: Okay, I don’t know if you’ve been to our website or not--
Judah Bauer: Yeah, I have.
R: Cool. So then you know about our staple question: Do dogs have lips?
J: (pauses) I don’t know, man. They can kiss, so I assume they’ve got lips.

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BILL SIENKIEWICZ (COMIC BOOK ARTIST)
Night Watchman: And now a question that we like to ask all the people we interview. I know you're more of a cat person than a dog person, right?
Bill Sienkiewicz: Both. My best friend is a kid with a dog. I love both.
N: Okay. We always ask the people we interview if they believe that dogs have lips.
B: Do I think dogs have lips?
N: Yeah.
B: Well, they certainly have masses of muscles that they can contract and pull back. Um,.. yeah. They're not lips like monkeys, but,.. yeah, I guess so. That's a very bizarre question. Why do you ask? I'm curious. (laughs)
N: It started as a debate at tastes like chicken, so we started asking everybody and keep a running tally.
B: Interesting. I wonder what they would do if they had them like we do? Yeah,.. it's an interesting thought. (laughs)

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THE TRANSPLANTS' ROB ASTON (MUSICIAN)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Alright. I got one last question: Do dogs have lips?
Rob Aston: (long pause) Fuck! I’m gonna say "no".
V: No?
R: Do they?
V: I don’t think they do.
R: I don’t think they do, either. I never thought about it, but, I don’t think so, dude.

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UNTAPPED TALENT: JAY RYAN (ARTIST)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Alright, last question. We ask everyone this. Check out the site if you think I’m lying. As a man who draws dogs every now and then, in your professional artistic opinion, do they have lips?
Jay Ryan: I have consulted my roommate, Seth the Greyhound, and after grabbing his head and feeling around for a while, I can say in all certainty, that yes, they do. Otherwise the fur wouldn't know when to stop growing, and would grow right up onto the dog's gums.
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MC PAUL BARMAN (MUSICIAN)
Debbie: Do you think dogs have lips?
Paul Barman: Yes.
D: They do? Do you have any proof or evidence?
P: Well, they’ve got a mouth, don’t they? That’s not a beak.
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UNTAPPED TALENT: THE TOSSERS' DAN SHAW (MUSICIAN)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Do dogs have lips?
Dan Shaw: (pauses) I,.. that’s a weird question. I want to say ‘yes’, but I think that’s just an exterior gum. You know, you can make them gnarl and stuff. But that looks more like an actual gumline. If I have to say an answer, I guess I’ll say ‘yes’.
V: They do have lips?
D: Yes.
V: See, we called a veterinarian, and he said the same thing. But I still don’t buy it.
D: Ah,.. what are you gonna do?
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MARTIN MILLAR (AUTHOR)
Smokin' Joe Blow: Do dogs have lips?
Martin Millar: I have never been close enough to one to check. I don't like dogs.
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VICTOR RICE (MUSICIAN)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Now, before we end this, let's get serious for a second. For the last four years, we've had a running argument here at the paper, regarding dogs and their lips,.. or lack thereof. I'm not kidding-- we even called a vet. You've seen dogs in NY, you've seen dogs in Brazil. In your traveled opinion, do dogs have lips? And if so, are they different in the states than they are in Brazil?
Victor Rice: Okay, I've consulted with Pascoal, an enormous boxer who lives at the studio here and oversees all of my work. I've also consulted with Luka and Paco, sibling golden labs who look after my human friend Rodrigo. First: they all agree that dogs are the same all around the world. That is, boxers are boxers, labs are labs, and toy poodles are actually deformed cats, lacking a particular gland in the cerebrum that makes cats smarter than humans. Dogs have lips. Lips being a membranous border surrounding the mouth. What they don't have is the muscular infrastructure that makes it possible to pucker up and whistle. If they had that, Pascoal tells me, they wouldn't come running every time their human whistled for them-- they'd simply whistle back to let them know they're fine.
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UNTAPPED TALENT: TKLOVE (MUSICIAN)
Wayne Chinsang: Last question: do dogs have lips?
TKLove: Yeah. Dog lips, man.
W: That’s what I’m saying.
T: They totally do.
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STEPHEN LYNCH (COMEDIAN/MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Well, to wrap up, we always ask everybody this question: do dogs have lips?
Stephen Lynch: (laughs) Um,.. having had much experience in making out with them, I would say yes. Definitely! Interesting question.
N: Yeah. We always ask that one.
S: I get asked that all the time.
N: Yeah. It's such a cliche, but we have to ask.
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WALLY GAGEL (MUSICIAN/PRODUCER)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Wally Gagel: (laughs) Do dogs have lips? I would say,.. yes.
W: Good. That’s what I think.
W: Although, there are certain breeds of dogs that have more lips than others, you know? Like a bulldog,.. you’d have to admit that it has some big lips. (laughs)
W: (laughs) Yeah.
W: Or a boxer. But then a German shepherd, maybe not. (laughs) So I’ll clarify it. There are certain breeds with lips,.. (laughing)
W: ...and breeds without lips. (laughs)
W: Exactly. (laughs)

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ROB SCHRAB (COMIC ARTIST/SCREENWRITER/DIRECTOR)
Jim Mahfood: That’s the best way to do it. And, finally, do dogs have lips?
Rob Schrab: (laughs) Do dogs have lips? I don’t think dogs have lips, do they?
J: This is a reoccurring question with tastes like chicken interviews.
R: I don’t think dogs have lips, because they can’t kiss you. They don’t pucker. They can’t whistle. Did I answer right?
J: There’s no correct answer, yet. It hasn’t scientifically been proven, either way. It’s just a question that they have everybody ask at the end of an interview: “Do dogs have lips?” People have a different response every time.
R: Do most people say they do?
J: I think most people say, “Yeah. They do have lips.” They have some sort of gum above the teeth. I don’t know.
R: And that’s considered a lip? Okay.
J: Either way, there’s no wrong answer.
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ATMOSPHERE'S MR. DIBBS (TURNTABLIST)
"Eggplant" Stan Wenches: Hey, one quick question for everybody. I gotta ask this for the magazine. Do dogs have lips?
Brother Ali: Eyedea French kisses his dog on the mouth for 20 minutes, every day.
Dibbs: Dogs do not have lips. Dogs do not have lips.
E: I think dogs have lips. They got big ‘ol saggy lips.
D: They got flaps.
B: That depends on the dog. If it’s a caucasian dog, it’s probably not gonna have any lips.
E: (laughs)
D: Baloney lips on the caucasian dog.
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THE BROTHERS CHAPS AND STRONG BAD (ARTISTS/CARTOON)
Wayne Chinsang: Okay, last question: do dogs have lips.
Mike Chapman: I say yes.
W: Why?
Mike: (laughs) Um,...
W: There’s no right answer here, so you could totally say anything.
Mike: Well, what else would you call that thing that flaps in the wind when they put their head out the window?
W: That’s what I say, too.
Mike: That’s their lips.
W: Matt, what do you think?
Matt Chapman: I think I’m going with no lips. Because they can stick out their tongues, but they can’t go flphhhhtt! I think that’s an important thing to do. I think that’s an important way to express that you have lips.
W: (laughs)
Matt: I mean, monkeys can do it. Monkeys can definitely make fart noises. But dogs can’t make fart noises.
W: Someone said they couldn’t sip a drink through a straw, so that’s why they don’t have lips.
Mike: But that just might mean that the muscles around their lips are,.. you know.
W: Well, someone said that they don’t think they even have muscles in their lips. And I think that person is full of shit. (laughs)
Matt: (laughs)
W: So, what does Strong Bad think about dogs having lips?
Matt: Um,.. hang on a second. (pauses)
Mike: He has to get into costume.

W: He’s got to put on a mask?
Mike: Yeah. (laughs)
W: (laughs)
Matt: (long pause, quietly) Bhaa,...
Strong Bad: Dogs have lips, huh?
W: Yeah. Do they?
Strong Bad: Um,.. what,.. I don’t know, man. Does The Cheat have lips?
W: I wouldn’t think so. But is The Cheat a dog?
Strong Bad: Ah,.. he’s half,.. I don’t know.
W: (laughing) What is The Cheat?
Strong Bad: He’s The Cheat, man. He’s got,.. that’s all he’s got going for him. He’s The Cheat.
W: So, the question then is, does The Cheat have lips?
Strong Bad: I’ve turned the question into my own question, at this point. And the answer is, The Cheat has a gold toof.
W: (laughs)
Mike: (laughs)
W: Well, thank you very much for answering that.
Strong Bad: Thanks for your time.
W: Hey, no problem. Now give the phone back to Matt.
Strong Bad: Okay.
Interview available in the "Best Of" print issue!
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RJD2 (DJ)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Do dogs have lips?
Rjd2: Well, they gotta have lips.
V: They gotta have lips?
R: Yeah. They're all drooly and shit. They gotta have lips.
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UNTAPPED TALENT: COTTON JACKSON (MUSICIANS)
[CHICKEN JACKSON, THE FAMILY DOG, BEGINS TO WHIMPER.]
Jackson Jackson: Shut up, dawg!
Neogeo The Prophet: Hey, that reminds me. Do ya’ll think dogs have lips?
JJ: Chicken’s got lips.
Cletus Jackson: Chicken’s a girl!

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TRACHTENBURG FAMILY SLIDESHOW PLAYERS (MUSICIANS)
Wayne Chinsang: Okay, last question: do dogs have lips?
Jason Trachtenburg: Yes. They have black lips.
Rachel Trachtenburg: Yeah, they do.
W: That’s what I say, too, but some people say they don’t.
J: No, no.
R: No. They do.
J: We’re looking at ‘em right now. Right, Rach?
R: Yeah.

W: Well, good. I’m glad your dogs have lips.
J: We’ve got two of them, and they both have lips.
R: I’m not sure about Emma, but Rags does.
J: Hmm.

W: What were their names, Rachel?
R: Emma and Rags.
W: Right on.
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JOHN LAYMAN & DAVE CROSLAND (COMIC DORKS)
Debbie: Okay, lastly, we ask this question to everyone we interview.
Dave Crosland: Oh Christmas,.. I know what's coming up.
D: How? Do you read our site all the time?
D: No.
Dave and Debbie: (both laugh)
D: Okay, okay,.. just shut the fuck up and let me ask John, then. Layman, do you think dogs have lips?
John Layman: My cats do. See?
Rufus: (loud cat meow into phone)
D: (laughing) Was that really one of your cats?
J: No comment.
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RON JEREMY (ADULT FILM STAR)
Wayne Chinsang: (laughs) Okay. I’ve just got one more question for you. We ask everyone this.
Ron Jeremy: Okay.
W: Do dogs have lips?
R: Do dogs have lips? Hmm. (pauses) One second.
[RON TALKS TO HIS FRIEND NATALIE.]
R: (to Natalie) Do dogs have lips? They do? Okay. (to Wayne) I asked my friend Natalie, and she says they do.
W: They do?
R: According to her, they do. And she’d know. Natalie knows everything.
W: Sounds good to me.
Interview available in the "Best Of" print issue!
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GINGER LYNN (ADULT FILM STAR)
Night Watchman: And, finally, a question we always ask our interviewees: do dogs have lips?
Ginger Lynn: Yes! I know this, as I've kissed two of them: Traci Lords and Ron Jeremy. And they both have lips.
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UNTAPPED TALENT: KEVIN CORNELL (ARTIST)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Do dogs have lips?
Kevin Cornell: Yes. How else could they whistle?
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EVERYDAY PEOPLE : JOSH MILHOUSE (NAVY CORPSMAN)
Smokin' Joe Blow: I have one last question. And this is important stuff here. Do chickens-- no, wait. Do dogs have lips?
Josh Milhouse: Do chickens have lips? That's a weird fucking question.
S: No, man. Dogs. Do dogs have lips?
J: Probably. I never thought of it before.
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UNTAPPED TALENT: ANDY LEE (ARTIST)
Night Watchman: In your opinion, do dogs have lips?
Andy Lee: Yes. Because a lip shares the same type of muscle as the anus; dogs have an anus. Therefore,...
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UNTAPPED TALENT: KIKI MACLEAN (ARTIST)
Wayne Chinsang: Okay. Last question. What is it?
Kiki Maclean: Oh, I know! The dog thing. Wait, I brought research.
[KIKI PULLS A PIECE OF PAPER OUT OF HER BAG.]
K: Here. I looked it up and found a diagram.
W: (laughs)
K: And dogs do, in fact, have lips.
[THE DIAGRAM IS OF A DOG HEAD, WITH AN ARROW POINTING TO ITS MOUTH. IT IS LABELED “LIPS”.]
W: Hell yeah. Where did you find this?
K: On a dog website. I typed in “dog anatomy”, and up popped that picture of a dog’s head.
W: Kick ass, dude.
K: Well, I knew they had to be there, because what else would you call the things that cover the teeth?
W: Some people say they’re jowls.
K: Jowls? I thought jowls were the things on the side.
W: That’s what I thought, too.
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JOHN ROECKER (FILMMAKER)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Do dogs have lips?
John Roecker: No. But chickens do.
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QUEENSRYCHE'S GEOFF TATE (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Finally, a question we always ask: do you think dogs have lips?
Geoff Tate: Yeah. I think they do. I've seen them get stuck on their teeth and roll under.
N: Yeah. That's a good point.
G: I've got three dogs.
N: What kinds?
G: I've have a brown-spotted dalmatian, which is kind of strange. I have a Boston terrier and a wiener dog; a miniature dachshund.
N: So you are the expert to ask.
G: Well, I'm definitely a dog aficionado. (laughs)
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ANTON FIG (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: In your opinion, do you think dogs have lips?
Anton Fig: Yes. But very thin ones. I think dogs have lips, and the Pope does shit in the woods.

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UNTAPPED TALENT: DEBORAH JOHNSON (ARTIST)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Okay-- last question. We ask everyone this question. A few years ago, the staff was sitting around talking, and someone mentioned dogs having lips. A big debate ensued, and calls were placed to many veterinarians. So, Miss Deborah, you must choose a side: Do dogs have lips?
Deborah Johnson: Yes. But you're not asking me this because the dogs are talking to you, right? Did "they" tell you to interview me?
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STELLASTARR*'S ARTHUR KREMER (MUSICIAN)
D.J. Kirkbride: One last question that I have to ask. I don't know why, because no one has ever explained it to me. But, do dogs have lips?
Arthur Kremer: (pauses) Do dogs have lips? That is a strange question. I would say no.
D: No? Any reason, or is this just your gut reaction?
A: Well, uh,.. hmmm. I think it's partially because we developed lips for a purpose-- for sensitivity and to help identify things. I think dogs use their nose for stuff like that. I think dogs' noses serve some of the same purposes as our lips. I'm just talking out of my ass, really.
D: I don't know. You've convinced me, because I used to think they did have lips. Now I think they don't. You had a well thought out answer.
A: Cool.
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BRIAN GAGE (WRITER)
Wayne Chinsang: Okay, last question. Do dogs have lips?
Brian Gage: Do dogs have lips? Hmmm,... (pauses) I think they have cheeks that haven’t really evolved all the way. Hanging cheeks is what I would call them.
W: Hanging cheeks. Okay.
B: I wouldn’t call them lips. Hanging cheeks. Is that the first time anyone has ever said that one?
W: Yeah. For sure.
B: Good.
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SANDER HICKS (PUBLISHER/WRITER/PUNK ROCKER)
Wayne Chinsang: Okay. The last question I have for you has nothing to do with anything we’ve just talked about for the last hour--
Sander Hicks: Yes. Dogs have lips.
W: Thank you.
S: Because I’ve kissed many a dog when I was between girlfriends. (laughs)
W: Aww. (laughs)
S: I realized this question was coming because I’ve read four issues of the magazine. But how could people not say dogs have lips?
W: That’s what I’m saying.
S: Yeah, man! Come on. You know, don’t deny the humanity of dogs. (laughs)
W: (laughs)
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ANDY MACDONALD (PRO SKATER)
Darby O'Gill: Do dogs have lips?
Andy MacDonald: Yes. My dog Nishi has the cutest lips that a dog could have.

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ELECTRIC SIX'S DICK VALENTINE (MUSICIAN)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Dick Valentine: Yeah, they do. Definitely. They have black lips. That’s something I’ve thought about.
W: (laughs)
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ISAAC ADAMSON (AUTHOR)
D.J. Kirkbride: Do dogs have lips?
Isaac Adamson: (pauses) Do dogs have lips? They do. They're just kinda inside-out.
D: They're inside-out?
I: Yeah. That's all I can think of. All I have is cats.
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KMFDM'S SASCHA K. (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do you think dogs have lips?
Sascha K.: Do dogs have lips? (long pause) Fuck, I don’t know, do they? I don’t know. I haven’t looked at dogs for a while. I’ll check it out, though, and I’ll let you know. (laughs) What kind of question is that?
N: It just started as a debate with the staff…
S: What kind of answers do you get?
N: Some people say yes, some say no, some people think they just have jowls,.. we just ask to see where everybody stands.
S: Pretty strange. But then again, you’re called tastes like chicken,.. that makes everything relative.

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ROBBIE CONAL (ARTIST)
Debbie: Do dogs have lips?
Robbie Conal: Do dogs have lips? Of course. What a silly question.
D: It's just something we--
R: (laughing) It's okay. Fish have lips, too, by the way.
D: They do?
R: Absolutely. Lovely lips. Put that in for me, please. I don't wanna leave fish out of this. Fish have lovely lips as well.

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SAUL WILLIAMS (AUTHOR)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Do dogs have lips?
Saul Williams: Do dogs have lips?
V: Yeah.
S: (pauses) Yes, they do.
V: Excellent.
Interview available in the "Best Of" print issue!

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THE SLACKERS' VIC RUGGIERO (MUSICIAN)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Do dogs have lips?
Vic Ruggiero: (laughing) Uh,.. yeah, dogs have some lips there, don’t they? Big furry lips. (laughing) Right where the whiskers come out. It's kind of like their mustache. That counts as lips, I think.
V: So, they have a dog mustache?
V: Yeah. Their whiskers are like their dog mustaches.

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UNTAPPED TALENT: MUNKEY JUICE (MUSICIANS)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Do dogs have lips?
Bubba: Girl dogs do.
Nelson: Do dogs have lips-- oh, I get it. I get you, Bubba. (laughing) Backwards lips. Okay. Do dogs have lips? I don’t know. In my drunken days I would have said yes.
All: (laughing)
N: But, I'm gonna have to say no, now that I’m sober.
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"MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE (WRESTLER/MUSICIAN)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
"Macho Man" Randy Savage: (pauses) Do dogs have lips? (laughs) Oh my gosh. I’d say that yes, they do. And they talk and say that Hogan’s a punk.

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CRAIG CLEVENGER (AUTHOR)
D.J. Kirkbride: Do dogs have lips?
Craig Clevenger: Do dogs have lips? (pauses) I'm wondering what's the trick question here.
D: There's no trick. There's a debate. A long time ago, before I was on staff, there was a debate. So now we ask everybody we interview.
C: They have teeth. They have gums. Their mouths can, in fact, close completely. So, in terms of skin touching and concealing the mouth, yeah, they have lips. But since they can't pronounce consonants, which is the bulk of what my lips do, I would have to say no.
D: Alright.
C: I'm gonna go search on a veterinarian site right now.
D: Yeah. I want you to research it.
C: I can do that.
D: We need some documentation.
C: I think the churches are pushing the lip theory, and the public schools are teaching the no-lip theory.
D: (laughs) What came first? The dog or the lips?
C: So you can throw that in there if you want. Whatever the church stance is, I have to go the opposite. And I think the church is supporting the lip theory here.
D: I'll buy that. I'm changing my answer to "No", too.
C: (laughs)
D: That's an idea for a third book.
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NADA SURF'S IRA ELLIOT (MUSICIAN)
D.J. Kirkbride: Do dogs have lips?
Ira Elliot: Mine certainly does. He's a blonde lab with the cutest black dog lips you've ever seen. Blech!
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UNTAPPED TALENT: JOLIE HOLLAND (MUSICIAN)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Do dogs have lips?
Jolie Holland: Do dogs have lips? Of course they have lips!
V: (disappointed) Are you sure?
J: Do dogs have lips?
V: Yeah.
J: Absolutely! Think about hound dogs.
V: Alright. I’ll take your word for it.
J: (laughs) Okay.
V: I am so in the minority--
J: (laughs) I mean, they don’t have lips like people have lips. But,..
V: But they have dog lips. That’s fine. Whatever.
Interview available in the "Best Of" print issue!
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DITA VON TEESE (BURLESQUE PERFORMER AND MODEL)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Dita Von Teese: Well, I went over and had a close look at one of my two dachshund's mouths, and I will say that yes, mine do! They are a little fuzzy, but they definitely have lips. Later on, I asked my boyfriend if he thought dogs had lips, and he said, "Hell yes, they do!" So we checked it out again. They do.
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THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS' JOHN FLANSBURGH (MUSICIAN)
Bethany Shady: Do dogs have lips?
John Flansburgh: That's a great question. I was always confused that they don't seem to have belly buttons, but that's a different deal. Slobbery dogs seem to have lips, but kinda inverted lips that let the slobber come down. More tidy, less houndish dogs seem lipless. But I'm glad you asked.
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TRAVIS DICKERSON (MUSIC PRODUCER)
Monkeybe: Do dogs have lips?
Travis Dickerson: I'm beat up after settling that thing with chickens. It's the next generation's job to settle the dog question.
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UNTAPPED TALENT: ERIC ADKISON (ZINE PUBLISHER)
Sal Swayzo: Do dogs have lips?
Eric Adkison: Yeah. I kiss them all the time. That’s why I have dog breath.
S: And that’s why this interview was done over the phone.
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UNTAPPED TALENT: CAN KICKERS (MUSICIANS)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Do dogs have lips?
Doug Schaefer: No.
Dan Spurr: Yes.
D: Ask Thompson. He would know.
DS: I will. (to Dan Thompson) Hey, Dan-- do dogs have lips?
Dan Thompson: (in the background) They have gums.

All: (laugh)
DS: Yes. They have lips.
D: That’s the final answer?
DS: That’s the final answer.
D: Okay.
DS: And gums,.. and teeth.

All: (laugh)
DS: I wonder if it depends on the dog?
D: But why would a dog not have lips?
DS: Well, what’s a “lip”?
D: Yeah. How do you define “lip”?

V: Man, you’re turning it into philosophy, now.
DS: I don’t know. I’ve met people that don’t have lips.
D: What-- they’ve just got gums?

All: (laugh)
DS: No. But the typically bulbous, fleshy lip part is just kinda flat. So there’s just kind of an edge to their mouth.
V: Maybe that’s what it is-- dogs just have an “edge”.
All: (laugh)
D: Dogs just have an edge.
All: (laugh)
DS: But you can talk about the lip like “the lip of a cliff”. The lip is the cliff’s edge.
D: Man, this is getting deep.

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CHAS RAY KRIDER (PHOTOGRAPHER)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Chas Ray Krider: Do dogs have lips?
W: Yeah.
C: Mine does. She’s a white dog with black lips. Everyone always says that I’m her daddy. And I always say, “I’m not her daddy. I’m her boyfriend.” (laughs)
W: (laughs)
C: So I know she has lips. (laughs)
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ASHLEY FONTENOT (PHOTOGRAPHER)
Mister Sister: Do dogs have lips?
Ashley Fontenot: No. But I don't hold it against them.
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PHANTOM PLANET'S JACQUES BRAUTBAR (MUSICIAN)
D.J. Kirkbride: Do dogs have lips?
Jacques Brautbar: No. They just have skin flaps.
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ERROR'S LEO ROSS (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Leo Ross: Dogs have lips? Well, I just got a dog in November, and I would have to say that they do have lips, because I spend a lot time with my dog. Surveying it from various different angles,.. dogs are on my mind a lot because I just got her, so I spend a hell of a lot of time with her.
Both: (laugh)
L: So, my professional opinion would be yes.
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GRAHAM ROUMIEU (ILLUSTRATOR/WRITER)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Graham Roumieu: If they did, could they whistle? And would they come to themselves?
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THE CRYSTAL METHOD'S SCOTT KIRKLAND (MUSICIAN)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Scott Kirkland: Ah,... (laughs) Yeah, they do. Right when you asked that I thought about my dog. I have a black Lab. He does have lips-- well,.. they’re chops. I would consider them lips.
W: Okay. There’s no right answer.
S: (laughs) I know there’s no right answer.
W: (laughs)
S: Who came up with that one?
W: Well, it actually started about five years ago while we were all drunk.
S: (laughs)
W: It got brought up, and the group was split. So we decided to ask people we interview for their opinion. I think we’ve asked somewhere around 150 people by now.
S: (laughs) That’s cool.
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UNTAPPED TALENT: DUSTIN GROVEMILLER (PUBLISHER)
D.J. Kirkbride: Do dogs have lips?
Dustin Grovemiller: Oh, right. Hmmm. I think dogs don't have fully-formed lips. They have these unevolved "proto-lips" that will become lips as we know them in a few millennia. Right now, they're basically just slobber-covered meat curtains.
D.J.: "Slobber-Covered Meat Curtains" should be a band name! So, in the future, dogs will be able to whistle?
D: Not just whistle, but play brass instruments as well! The dog of the future will be able to replace French horn players, which will make the world a better place.
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EVERYDAY PEOPLE: BEN THOMAS (MAILMAN)
D.J. Kirkbride: When dogs chase you, do you notice if they have lips?
Ben Thomas: They all have teeth when they're chasing you. That's all I notice.
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EARL SLICK (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Earl Slick: Yes. They definitely do.
N: It’s a running question we ask everyone.
E: I know that for a fact, because I have two Newfoundlands. Do you know what they look like?
N: No.
E: They’re huge dogs-- almost St. Bernard size-- and they have those big, droopy faces. Well, those things that hang down like on a Bullmastiff, those are their lips. And I know that because they drool all the time. They’re horrible droolers, and some people that get these dogs actually have this surgery where they’ll sew their lips up higher so they don’t drool.
N: That’s fucking horrible!
E: Yeah, that’s fucking horrible. That’s how I found out about that, and I said these guys need to be taken down.
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EVERYDAY PEOPLE: BECCA MARCUS (HOT 17-YEAR-OLD)
Fphatty Lamar: Do dogs have lips?
Becca Marcus: That's a stupid question. (laughs) Yet,.. clever. I don't know. Damn!
F: See, I don't think they do. I heard a vet say once that they don't have real lips because they don't have muscles in them like we do. They can't drink through a straw, because they have no lips to form a seal.
B: I have a comeback.
F: Do it!
B: You have lips, so I guess the answer is yes. (laughs) Boo-ya!
F: Goodbye. You're dead to me. Actually, I think I respect you more.
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RASPUTINA'S ZOË KEATING (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do you think dogs have lips?
Zoë Keating: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
N: Wow. That was definite.
Z: Yeah. I’m sure of it. My friend Tony has this beautiful coonhound, and it makes these crazy expressions, and I’m just sure that she has lips. That’s a good question. What’s the poll? How is it broken down?
N: It’s pretty evenly divided. Some people say they don't, while others say they’ve got to have lips; they’re just bigger and hang off their face. A lot of different reactions.
Z: (laughs) That’s great.
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EVERYDAY PEOPLE: PATRICK KIRKBRIDE (BROTHER)
D.J. Kirkbride: Do dogs have lips?
Patrick Kirkbride: Yes.
D.J.: Why?
P: Because lips are the things that cover your teeth, and make up what your mouth is. People have weird lips, really. People are the freak shows when it comes to lips. Most animals have lips, but they’re not all turned out and bright pink. Or whatever color your lips happen to be.
D: Right now, my lips are more of a burgundy. But that’s the lipstick I’m wearing.
P: (long pause)
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LENNON (MUSICIAN)
Monkeybe: Do dogs have lips?
Lennon: Izzy says no.
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RASPUTINA'S MELORA CREAGER (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do you think dogs have lips?
Melora Creager: Yes! They’re black and pimply. Everyone knows that.
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TWEAKER'S CHRIS VRENNA (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do you think dogs have lips?
Chris Vrenna: (laughs) Um... do dogs have lips? I think so. Sure! I think they do. I mean, they can’t pucker them, but they definitely... I would say dogs have lips. Sure. So do kitty cats.
Both: (laugh)
C: But chickens don’t! But dogs do. (laughs) Oh, God.
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BEN KWELLER (MUSICIAN)
D.J. Kirkbride: Do dogs have lips?
Ben Kweller: Do... you know what? Cats have lips.
D.J.: You think so? Do you have any cats?
B: I kiss my cats on the lips. They have, like, a little, pink ridge.
Both: (laugh)
B: And I kiss 'em.
D.J.: Awww.
B: Awww. Dude, I miss my cats now! You know, I don’t know if dogs have lips, but I’m certain at least one of my cats, Zach, has lips.
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MIKE ALLRED (COMIC BOOK ARTIST)
D.J. Kirkbride: Do dogs have lips?
Mike Allred: Yes.
D.J.: Yes?
M: Yes.
D.J.: Excellent.
M: We have three dogs, and all of them have lips. One of them has huge lips! (laughs)
D.J.: So, there’s no doubt in your mind?
M: (laughs) No doubt!
D.J.: You go in the "yes" column.
M: I’ve seen human beings that have smaller lips than them, so they definitely qualify as lips.
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EVERYDAY PEOPLE: KEVIN VOGEL (HUSBAND/FATHER OF THREE)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Kevin Vogel: Yes.
W: Why?
K: Well, when I kiss my dog, I can feel them. I thought you were going to ask me why my dog licks my balls.
All: (laugh)
K: Because I can't.
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UNTAPPED TALENT: HOTCAKES GALLERY (GALLERY OWNERS)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Susan Kriofsky: Yeah. Aren’t they black?
Mike Brenner: I went to high school with a guy I caught French kissing a dog. I don’t know that you could do that to something without lips.

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W.A.S.P.'S BLACKIE LAWLESS (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
Blackie Lawless: Those ones you find on the road when you’re touring? Those kind?
Both: (laugh)
N: Yeah, those kind.
B: Um... some do, some don’t. (laughs)
N: Do you try to stay away from the ones that don’t?
B: Mostly, yes.
Both: (laugh)
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THE BETA BAND'S ROBIN JONES (MUSICIAN)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Robin Jones: (pauses) Yeah. They do. Yeah.
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SIMPLE KID (MUSICIAN)
Bethany Shady: Do dogs have lips?
Simple Kid: (laughs) Um... is this a "yes" or "no" answer?
B: You can say "yes" or "no", or you can elaborate. It's your answer.
S: Well, I'm trying to think back to all the dogs I've known. I think they've got lips and then some. They've got these big purple and black kinds of lumps of flesh. I suppose they're lips. Actually, I reckon dogs have more gums than lips, though. Huh... that's pretty profound.
B: Well, we are pretty deep here at tastes like chicken.
S: I've been trying to come up with a name for the second album, and I think you might've just given it to me. But I don't want to hear of anyone trying to get any money from me if I name it that. (laughs)
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SPYMOB'S JOHN OSTBY (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do you think dogs have lips?
John Ostby: Do I think that dogs have what?
N: Lips.
J: As an owner of several dogs in my life, I would have to say I think they do not have lips.
N: Okay. Because they don’t pucker at you?
J: That, and I’ve just done a lot of intense romantic kissing with my dog, and I don’t usually feel lips. It just feels like a snout that I’m kissing.
N: (laughs)
J: Yeah. It’s all snout and tongue.
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TROMA'S LLOYD KAUFMAN (FILM DIRECTOR/WRITER/PRODUCER)
Night Watchman: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
Lloyd Kaufman: Do dogs have lips?
N: Yeah.
L: Well, I know that when I’ve done cunnilingus on dogs, their vaginas did seem to have lips. I think so. Yes.
N: (laughs) Great.
Interview available in the Summer '04 print issue!
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KISS' GENE SIMMONS (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Gene Simmons: Well, they certainly do.
Interview available in the Summer '04 print issue!
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EVERYDAY PEOPLE: MARY CAREY (PORN STAR)
Night Watchman: In your professional opinion, do you think dogs have lips?
Mary Carey: Dogs have lips? Um... no. I don't think so. I have two dogs, and I'm trying to picture them right now. I don't think they really have lips. Their mouth opens, and it's kind of furry, but... you know, they don't have lips. Dogs do not have lips.
N: Okay.
M: Do you think dogs have lips?
N: I think they do. They're just weird-looking. (laughs)
M: Now I'm gonna go home and study my dogs.
N: They definitely have a bottom lip, I think.
M: I wish my dogs were here right now. I'd be able to tell you better.
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FLOGGING MOLLY'S DENNIS CASEY, MATT HENSLEY, AND BOB SCHMIDT (MUSICIANS)
Debbie: Do dogs have lips?
Bob Schmidt: Definitely. Because I generally don’t eat animals that have lips, like cows and pigs. And I would never eat a dog.
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Damn! That was fast.
Dennis Casey: I don’t know. (to Matt) Do dogs have lips?
Matt Hensley: Heck yeah, man. Angus has some big-ass lips.

V: (dismayed) But don’t lips pucker?
M: I have a French bulldog, and I have a picture of him back on the bus. That motherfucker has huge-ass lips.
All: (laugh)
D: I don’t know, man. I never thought about that.
B: Well, what would you call them if they don’t have "lips"?
V: Flaps!
B: But have you ever seen a dog drink? I mean, when they’re real thirsty and tired?
M: Or when they smile?
B: Yeah! Dogs smile!

V: That’s one of those grey areas.
All: (laugh)
V: I went to art school. I don’t understand medicine.
All: (laugh)
M: (laughs) Didn’t you take anatomy class?
V: I never drew lips on people!
All: (laugh)
B: That’s the hardest part of the face to draw?
V: (laughs) Well, I never drew them.
B: I think you’re letting us in on some deep, dark secrets there.
D: I think you’ve been outvoted.

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LIT'S JEREMY POPOFF (MUSICIAN)
D.J. Kirkbride: Do dogs have lips?
Jeremy Popoff: Do dogs have lips? (laughs)
D.J.: Yes. On their mouths. Like, all dogs.
J: Yes.
D.J.: They do?
J: Yeah.
D.J.: Do you have a dog?
J: I do have a dog.
D.J.: And have you seen his lips? Is it a he or a she?
J: It’s a he. I’ve seen his lips. I’ve folded them down before to look at his teeth.
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UNTAPPED TALENT: SLOANE TANEN (ARTIST/AUTHOR)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Do dogs have lips?
Sloane Tanen: Yes!
V: You don’t even have to think about that at all?
S: I’m a big dog person. Dogs have lips. Well, it might be a wraparound gum.
V: Right! Okay! Now you’re saying what I want to hear. So, they aren’t lips, then?
S: (laughs) I guess I wouldn’t say they’re a "lip", but they serve the same purpose. I think a vet would actually call it a lip.
V: What do they know?
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THE AQUABATS' CRASH McLARSON (MUSICIAN)
Miss Monster Mel: Do dogs have lips?
Crash McLarson: (pauses) Well, they are always sticking their mouths somewhere.
M: So is that a "yes"? It’s the standard tastes like chicken question.
C: (laughs) Then I would say... yes!
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GLENN SHADIX (ACTOR)
Night Watchman: Do you think dogs have lips?
Glenn Shadix: Hmmm... not a question I’ve pondered to a great extent. I am a dog man, but I’ve never noticed lips. They’ve got a lot of nose.
Both: (laugh)
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BRAZIL'S JONATHON NEWBY (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Jonathon Newby: Uh... let me confer with my cohort.
N: Okay.
J: (to his wife) Do dogs have lips? It's those black and pink things around the teeth, right? Yeah? (to Watchman) My answer is yes.
[JONATHAN'S WIFE IS LAUGHING IN THE BACKGROUND]
J: Because it's those little fleshy black and pink spotted things that they pull back when they bare their teeth.
N: Okay.
J: That's my answer.
N: That makes sense to me.
J: Alright. I hope that enlightens people.
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HAR MAR SUPERSTAR (MUSICIAN)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: For the last six years we've been arguing as to whether or not dogs have lips.
Har Mar Superstar: (laughs) They have, uh, weird lips. Like, some sort of cleft curtain of flesh. You have to lift up that weird flap to get to the teeth. I'm gonna go with yes, but they're not your conventional lips. I mean, some dogs can kinda smile, you know?
Both: (laugh)
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MIX MASTER MIKE (MUSICIAN)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Mix Master Mike: (pauses) My father-in-law’s dog has lips. His name is Cody and he’s a Shih-Tzu. So, dogs do have lips.
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UNTAPPED TALENT: PORK TORNADO'S DUSTY SCOTT (AUTHOR)
Smokin' Joe Blow: Do dogs have lips?
Dusty Scott: They only have one lip. There is an ancient Greek legend that says that dogs used to whistle as a rallying cry to one another, forming vast packs that would do battle with tribes of rogue warriors. Whistlehounds are depicted in the petroglyphs of the Romans defending their strongholds until near the fall of their empire. The legend says that the goddess Penelope married one of these dogs, unaware of the hound's affinity for fellating any human in a prone position. The dog was equally unaware of Penelope's celebrated and feared "many-toothed womanhood". As a result, the hound's lower lip was sheared off, leaving the entire species unable to form a cohesive fighting unit, and giving rise to the urban myth about the girl with peanut butter on her crotch. Dogs were henceforth cursed into the service of man, forced to pretend that they are our best friend. But you'll notice they still come running when you whistle.
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ROSS CLARKE-JONES (PRO SURFER)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Ross Clarke-Jones: AS FAR AS I KNOW, THEY DO POSSESS LIPS.
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GWAR'S ODERUS URUNGUS (A.K.A. DAVE BROCKIE) (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Dave Brockie: Oh, yeah. Dogs have lips! Sure. They’re not lips like we know them, but they are weird, wormy black things. Yeah, they’re lips. I mean, it doesn’t go straight from fur to gum!
All: (laugh)
D: Of course they have lips! That would look fucked-up! If you don’t think that dogs have lips, then try to imagine what your dog would look like without that weird, wormy black thing around its mouth. It would be straight fucking hair growing out of its gums! That would be fucked-up! Dogs have lips!
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JOEY GOEBEL (AUTHOR)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Joey Goebel: (laughs) Oh, yeah. Do dogs have lips? You know, I should have been prepared for this, but I do have an answer. Remember the Labradors I mentioned? My girlfriend challenged me, or should I say ordered me, to kiss one of the Labs on the lips. First of all, you’d be surprised as to how reluctant dogs are to even kiss humans. Secondly, no, no they don’t.
N: They do not have lips?
J: We can go through the scientific method on this if you want. I think it will come back negative.
N: So then what were you kissing when you were kissing the Lab?
J: Let’s see... are you familiar with the word "taint"?
N: Yeah. It was the taint? I think you were kissing the wrong end!
Both: (laugh)
J: No, no. I’m saying it’s parallel to their taint, only on the other end. Uh... it wasn’t the mouth and it wasn’t the nose; it was somewhere in-between. They weren’t lips. I mean, I know what lips feel like. I mean, I make out a lot! I have a Chihuahua right here. Let’s ask her. (to Chihuahua in a baby voice) Voltron, do you have lips?
N: Your Chihuahua's name is Voltron?
J: No, it’s the end of the snout. No lips! No lips. No.
N: Now that I know your Chihuahua’s name is Voltron I have to ask, what are the names of the other dogs?
J: The other dogs, let’s see... one is named Lexi, one is named Debra Winger, and one is named Sir Crapsalot.
N: (laughs)
J: Man, I should have been ready for that dog question. Do you think I handled it okay?
N: Oh, hell yeah. Just calling it a taint was good by itself.
J: Yeah. It’s an oral taint or a mouth taint.
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EVERYDAY PEOPLE: KATIE AND ABBY STEIB (GOOD GIRLS)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
[BOTH KATIE AND ABBY JUST STARE AT WAYNE WITH A CONFUSED LOOK ON THEIR FACE]
All: (laugh)
W: I’m serious. Do you think dogs have lips?
Abby Steib: I think they do.
Katie Steib: I have a dog book from my school’s library. I’ll go get it.

[KATIE GETS HER LIBRARY BOOK]
A: (looking through the book with Katie) Oh, I see lips.
W: Yeah. That’s a lip.
K: Where? I don’t see any lips.
A: (pointing) There. It’s purple.
K: (shocked) Oh my God! That’s a lip?!?

All: (laugh)
K: It does not look like a lip.
Vinnie Baggadonuts: I’m with you. I don’t think they have lips.
K: Well, I think they have lips. But I don’t like it having purple lips.
All: (laugh)
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UNTAPPED TALENT: HUNTER ROBERTS (FILMMAKER)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Do dogs have lips?
Hunter Roberts: Dogs do not have lips. They have "liplets". I know, because my dog wanted a collagen lip injection last Christmas, and the vet said no dice. You can't inject "liplets" with anything.
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LAST CRACK'S BUDDO (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Buddo: (laughs) Hmmm... do dogs have lips? Gosh, I’m stymied.
Both: (laugh)
B: I’ve got a pug. So, yeah, I think there are some lips on the pug. (laughs) She can actually smile, so there must be some... what is that called? What is the lip muscle?
N: I don’t know. But there are a lot of them in there that make it so you can smile.
B: They’re the round muscles, you know?
N: Like a sphincter?
B: There we go!
Both: (laugh)
N: So they have a butt-mouth?
Both: (laugh)
B: Yeah. God, I don’t know if I’d want to use that word in association with the mouth or not!
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NEAL POLLACK (AUTHOR)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Neal Pollack: (pauses) Let me look at my dog. Hang on. (to his dog, Hercules) Come here, Hercules. Come here. Do you have lips? Do you have lips? (to Wayne) Ummm... yeah, I think so. There’s this little fleshy underthing under his whiskers, right? I mean, of course. He has a mouth.
W: That’s what I think. But a lot of people think differently.
N: No, I’m a dogs have lips guy. They definitely have tongues. He gives good kisses.
W: (laughs)
N: You can write that down as my answer. I don’t care.
W: (laughs) Alright.
N: Sorry if I didn’t provide the hilarity you expected.
W: Oh, no, no. Sometimes we get short, one-word answers and other times people get really detailed and into it.
N: Yeah. I would put myself somewhere in the middle.
Both: (laugh)
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PAUL DINI (AUTHOR)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Paul Dini: (pauses) Yes. And they are magnificent.
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EVERYDAY PEOPLE: MIKE STRUHARIK (TEACHER)
Mike Struharik: The lab I worked at actually operated sound equipment, because they had an archive of animal noises.
Vinnie Baggadonuts: Any dog noises?
M: (laughs) Dog noises? Uh, probably somewhere in there.
V: Like, any dogs using lips, perhaps?
M: No, I don't believe dogs have lips, as a matter of fact.
V: So, in your expert opinion, then, and this is an expert opinion--
M: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah, man. I'm an expert on dogs.
V: (whispering) No! Shut up, man. You have to say you are. It adds credibility to the cause!
M: Oh! Alright. Sure, sure.
V: So, what you're saying is, dogs don't have lips?
M: Some of them have jowls, perhaps, but I wouldn't say any of them necessarily have lips, because lips are things you use to manipulate words and formulate your speech. Dogs just don't do that.
V: Oh, man. This is great.
M: If they had lips, they'd be able to talk, and they don't.
V: And when they howl, they don't use their lips, right?
M: They sure don't.
V: This is the best interview ever.
M: But then again, I could be mistaken. One thing I've found, Vinnie, is that for every expert, there's another scientist who disagrees.
V: Yeah, I know. That's the problem. Whatever.
Both: (laugh)
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UNTAPPED TALENT: MOOREBECK STELLAR (MUSICIANS)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Andy Jansen: I do.
Elliott Kozel: He does.

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MICK FOLEY (WRESTLER/AUTHOR)
Staff Member #716: Do dogs have lips?
Mick Foley: (laughs) No... (coughs) I don’t think they do.
716: You don’t think so?
M: I don’t. Unless the description of the lips is not one that I’m familiar with. But, no, I’ve never been kissed by a dog. I’ve been licked by several, including President Clinton’s dog, Buddy. And I don’t remember any lips on Buddy, either.
716: That’s what I think, too, but I’m in the minority.
M: To tell you the truth, the first thing I’m going to do after this phone call is go upstairs and check out my own dog and find out for myself.
Interview available in print issue #3!

DAVE BATISTA (WRESTLER)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Dave Batista: Do dogs have lips? (laughs)
W: Yeah.
D: You know, I don’t know scientifically if they have lips, but I would have to say yes, I guess. I have three dogs, and it looks like they have lips to me. I don’t know... now I’m gonna go home and inspect their mouths.
Both: (laugh)
D: It looks like they have black lips to me.
W: Yeah.
D: That’s an odd question.
W: Yeah, it started back in 1999, and we’ve asked almost 200 different people that question since then.
D: That’s cool. I’ll ask my dogs when I get home whether they have lips or not.
W: (laughs) Alright.
D: What’s the general response you get from people?
W: Well, it’s really weird. Sometimes we’ll just get one-word answers from people, and other times people will be familiar with the question and know it’s coming, so they’ll come to the interview prepared for it.
D: (laughs) They’ll have scientific explanations as to why dogs do or do not have lips.
W: (laughs) Exactly.
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PATTON OSWALT (COMEDIAN/ACTOR)
Bethany Shady: Do dogs have lips?
Patton Oswalt: If they don’t, why do I go through two tubes a week of Savannah’s Surrender on Mr. Scampers?
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BIG SHOW (WRESTLER)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Big Show: Do I think dogs have lips? Absolutely. Dogs have lips. I have three dogs, four cats, five birds, a fish, and a turtle.
N: Wow! They don’t all go out on the road with you, do they?
B: (laughs) No, they don’t. I’ve got a 75-pound boxer, a 90-pound German shepherd, and a two-year-old, 110-pound English mastiff-- he’s growing every day. I like big dogs, because I know that if I sit on the couch I won’t accidentally sit on them and kill them. There are no chihuahuas in little sweaters running around this house. My dogs would eat it as an hors d'oeuvre.
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MARK METCALF (ACTOR)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Mark Metcalf: (laughs) Do dogs have lips? Yeah. Don’t they?
W: I think they do.
Fphatty Lamar: They don’t.
M: They don’t have lips? Chickens don’t have lips.
F: Well, this is how it came up. I saw a thing that said dogs have the ends to their cheeks, and they look black and lip-ish. But they don’t have muscles where they can suck through a straw. They don’t have functioning lips.
M: Oh.
W: But they can howl.
F: And I’m in the minority.
M: Yeah, but your explanation sounds more scientific. Did you research this?
F: Well, it’s probably totally made up. I probably got it from Animal Planet or something like that.
M: The science on Animal Planet is very good.
All: (laugh)
M: I used to French kiss dogs a lot. In fact, I produced a movie called Chilly Scenes Of Winter, and we got a great deal on the book because we went to meet Ann Beattie, who wrote it, and we met her in Cambridge, and she had this little Border collie. And she came up and kissed my face, so I just... (imitates French kissing the dog).
All: (laugh)
M: And I did it for a long time. So she gave us a great deal on the book.
All: (laugh)
Night Watchman: That really could have gone either way, couldn’t it?
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CINDERELLA'S TOM KEIFER (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
Tom Keifer: (long pause, to his wife) Where’s our dog? Yeah, I think they do. Yeah, I would say dogs have lips, don’t they? Yeah, he does. Our dog does.
N: What kind of dog is he?
T: He’s half-lab and half-corgi, and he does for sure. I was going to check, but I’m pretty sure he does.
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CHEATERS' JOEY GRECO (TV SHOW HOST)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Joey Greco: Do dogs have lips? (calls to his dog) Come here, sweetie. (snaps) Well, you know, I’m gonna have to say yes. I’m looking at mine right now.
W: What kind of dog do you have?
J: Australian Shepherd. Yeah, they have lips, because some dogs can kind of smile. You've heard people describe someone having "chicken lips". Well, how would you ever get that phrase if chickens didn’t have lips? And if chickens with their beaks have lips, then I’d have to say dogs have lips. Now, I haven’t kissed a chicken or a dog, so I don’t know what kind of feel you get. Like, when you qualify if someone is a good kisser, it’s all about the feel you get; then you can really make a distinction on the quality of someone’s lips. But I have never kissed my dog on the mouth. We’re not intimate like that. Short of that, I don’t know what I can say. That's all I'll say. I haven't said anything, and I'll say nothing more.
Both: (laugh)
W: Well, that's a great answer. We’ll take that.
Read the entire interview
JOHN CENA (WRESTLER/MUSICIAN)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
John Cena: (pauses) Yes. Yes they do.
W: Okay. I asked Batista that once, and he was like--
J: He was thrown off by it?
W: He was just like, (pauses) "Yeah."
Both: (laugh)
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AIMEE MANN (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
Aimee Mann: Hmmm... I’ll go with no lips.

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BAM MARGERA (SKATER)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Bam Margera: Do dogs have lips? (pauses)
Both: (laugh)
B: If they do, they're tiny lips. (laughs) I don't know, man. I had to get rid of my dogs because I couldn't take care of them anymore because I'm always away.
W: Right.
B: So I don't know anything about dogs.
Both: (laugh)

Interview available in print issue #4!
MIKE PATTON (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Mike Patton: Lips? Yeah! Of course they do. If they have gums they’ve got to have lips, right?
N: Makes sense to me. It’s a debate around here.
M: Sounds like you guys have a lot of time on your hands. Why don’t you go out and buy a dog?
Both: (laugh)
N: There’s still an argument. Even if you point them out to people, they’ll say it’s something, just not lips.
M: They’re lips! Trust me, I know. I’ve kissed many dogs.

Interview available in print issue #4!
BAUHAUS' PETER MURPHY (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Peter Murphy: (long pause, laughs) Oh, that’s so funny. That’s a really funny question. (laughs) I don’t think they do, you know? No, they don’t. But they’ve got very nice ears.
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LOIS GRIFFIN (MOTHER AND WIFE)
Jeremy Scott: Do dogs have lips?
Lois Griffin: Yes!!!

Interview available in print issue #5!
EVERYDAY PEOPLE: BRYAN BREITUNG (GOOD CITIZEN)
Hellkat: Do dogs have lips?
Bryan Breitung: Do dogs have lips? (laughs) Do chickens have lips? Let's see... I think so. I mean, when you compare them to human lips, they don't. But I don't know. I could picture a dog chewing tobacco.
Both: (laugh)
B: So I'd say yeah. (laughs)

Interview available in print issue #5!
BILLY IDOL (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Billy Idol: Dogs have...?
N: Lips.
B: Lips? I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it. (laughs) Hmmm... never thought about that. (laughs) Oh, well. I’ll have to contemplate my navel and think about that this afternoon.

Interview available in print issue #5!
SCOTT BURDICK (ARTIST)
Das Bork: Do dogs have lips?
Scott Burdick: Do I think dogs have lips? Let's see... I’ve been kissed by dogs, but I can’t remember if it was a big-lip kiss or if it was just a lick. I guess I’d have to say they do.
D: Okay.
Both: (laugh)
S: Just out of personal experience.

Read the entire interview

PORCUPINE TREE'S STEVEN WILSON (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Steven Wilson: (laughs) A very deep question, huh? I’ve no idea. Isn’t there something about how dogs can’t look up or something?
N: I have heard something about that. Is that true?
S: I don’t know. I’ve never watched a dog long enough to figure out if it could look up. That’s kind of a bizarre fact, isn’t it? Do dogs have lips? Ahhh... are you looking for a serious answer here?
N: How ever you feel about it.
S: Well, I’ve never tried to kiss a dog, and that’s probably the best test, isn’t it? The best test to find out if they have lips would be to kiss one, but dogs are also notorious for their breath, so I’m not going to be rushing to try that.
Both: (laugh)
N: Well, if you decide to find out you can always shoot me an email with your findings.
S: Yeah, okay. But don’t hold your breath.
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JERRY ZUCKER (WRITER/DIRECTOR)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Jerry Zucker: Do dogs have lips? Yes, they do, I think. I have two dogs, and I think they have lips.
W: What kind of dogs do you have?
J: I have a Samoyed/Chow mix, and a Lab. And I think they both have what I would call lips. Why? What’s the real answer to that?
W: There is no real answer.
J: Oh, okay.
W: Basically, one night years ago we got into an argument about that, and since then we try and ask everyone we interview what their opinion is.
J: Oh, I see. Well, my answer is definitely yes, but they’re not good kissers.
Both: (laugh)
Interview available in print issue #6!
THE YES MEN'S ANDY BICHLBAUM (POLITICAL IMPOSTOR)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Andy Bichlbaum: Yeah. They have thin, black lips. Absolutely.
Interview available in print issue #6!
30 SECONDS TO MARS'
JARED LETO & TOMO MILICEVIC (MUSICIAN/ACTOR & MUSICIAN)

Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Jared Leto: Yes, I know they do. I’ve kissed my dog's lips many times.
Tomo Milicevic: Yeah, dogs definitely have lips.
J: I can see his little lips right now. I miss my dog. Yes, good dog. (makes kissy faces at an imaginary dog)

All: (laugh)
J: He’s so smart, too. As he’s gotten older, you touch him, and he’s happy. But after awhile, he’ll be like, "Whoa, that’s too much."
All: (laugh)
J: It’s bizarre. He gets used to being alone.
T: He’s definitely a loner at night when he’s sitting underneath the trees.
J: We’re very similar, my dog and I.
T: They look alike, too. You know how they say you look like your pet after awhile? Well, it’s definitely Jared’s dog.
J: It’s weird.

All: (laugh)
J: He’s a killer dog. He kills.
T: Just before we left we saw him take out a squirrel.
J: You’ve got to be good to take out a squirrel. Squirrels, birds, opossum... anything. Many, many opossums. Probably a hundred opossums.

N: So when you come home there’s just this huge pile of opossum waiting for you?
T: (laughs)
J: No, he buries his kills. He’s good about it. He’s eaten a few, too. That’s weird. Usually they don’t eat them because they’re so domesticated, but.... He’s gotten some cats, some Canadian geese. One time he bolted out of the car when we were in Seattle, Washington going to a park. He jumped out of the window, and we saw him running. It was like watching Wide World of Sports. I was like, (in slow-motion voice) "Nooo!" But secretly, I was like, (in slow-motion voice) "Yeeeaaahhh!"

All: (laugh)
J: Because he was in his natural state. The geese started moving in slow-motion, and he was like-- BOOM!-- he got it. It was fucking amazing. It was big, too. A big-old fucker.
Interview available in print issue #6!
PAUL FEIG (WRITER/DIRECTOR)
Jeremy Scott: In your humble opinion, do you think dogs have lips?
Paul Feig: Yes, I do. My dog has a bottom lip. I always study it, and I think at the top I see just enough of an edge where it separates out. They’re not full. They’re like Frank Burns’ lips from M*A*S*H, but they definitely have them.
Interview available in print issue #6!
EVERYDAY PEOPLE: ROBERT BEHM (GRANDPA)
Eric Durrance: I've got one final question I have to ask you: do dogs have lips?
Robert Behm: Do dogs have lips? My dog’s never jumped up and kissed me, but she has given me a nose.
Both: (laugh)
Interview available in print issue #6!
SARAH SILVERMAN (ACTRESS/COMEDIENNE)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Sarah Silverman: My dog has a bottom lip, for sure. It’s cute and black and totally lippy.
Interview available in print issue #6!
KERMIT THE FROG (AMPHIBIAN)
Wayne Chinsang: And lastly, the question we ask everyone we interview is, do dogs have lips? But since you count a dog as one of your good friends, I'll ask you this: Does Rowlf have lips?
Kermit the Frog: That question comes up all the time, and my answer is always the same: Rowlf and I are friends, but not that close.
Interview available in print issue #6!
MARSHALL ARISMAN (ARTIST)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Marshall Arisman: Without doubt.
Both: (laugh)
M: I’ve kissed many dogs. They’ve all got lips.
Both: (laugh)
Read the entire interview
WILLIAM SCOTT JENNINGS (ARTIST)
Das Bork: In your opinion, do dogs have lips?
William Scott Jennings: In my paintings?
D: No, in your opinion.
W: Do dogs have lips? Well, I don't have them in my paintings, either.
Both: (laugh)
W: I have two golden retrievers, and there is a point where the fur stops and the mouth starts, and they look like they have black lips. So I'll say yes, they do.
D: Alright.
Both: (laugh)
W: In fact, one just walked in as I said that. He's got a big smile on his face, and it looks like he's got lips.

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MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000'S MIKE NELSON (COMEDIAN)
Boom Boom Storm Cloud: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?

Mike Nelson: Yes, they do.
B: Awesome!
M: Oh, I think very definitely.
B: Cool. So, with having been with MST3K for ten years, in your professional opinion, do robots have lips?
M: Uh... not so much. No.
B: No? Alright, Mr. Smartie I-Have-An-Answer-For-Everything.
M: Yes?
B: Would robot dogs have lips?
M: Yes, they would.
B: Fair enough.
M: Now I’ve settled it for you. (laughs)

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MORGAN WEISTLING (ARTIST)
Das Bork: In your opinion, do dogs have lips?
Morgan Weistling: (pauses, laughs) Yes, in having grown up with a dog my whole life-- I don’t have one anymore-- but I can say for certain that dachshunds have lips.
D: Sounds good.
M: And I have a lot of documentation to back it up.

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REVEREND RUN (MUSICIAN)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Reverend Run: (pauses) Yeah, you see it right there over their teeth.
Both: (laugh)
R: They have lips on the side.
W: That’s what I think, too.
R: Yeah, they got lips. That’s a dumb question. It’s not a dumb question. I’m just joking when I say that. But you can see the daggone little lips on the side. They’re just skinny, thin, and black.
W: Yeah, that’s what I say.
R: Yeah, they’re skinny on the side. You can see it clear. Probably some in the front, too. Yeah, they got lips.
Both: (laugh)

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KING'S X'S TY TABOR (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
Ty Tabor: Ahhh... it would depend on the dog. Yeah. I think maybe some do and some don’t.
N: Is there a particular lippier breed?
T: Uh, hound dogs are pretty lippy. Terriers have a thin leather band that I guess you could call a lip. So yeah, I guess dogs do have lips.
Both: (laugh)

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BRIAN POSEHN (COMEDIAN/ACTOR)
Night Watchman: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
Brian Posehn: Yeah! What else would you call that area around the mouth?
N: People have all different kinds of opinions, like they can't have lips because they can't make an "O" shape. Things like that.
B: Are those people that don't own dogs or don't look at their dog’s lips all the time? Because I spend half my life looking my dog in the face and looking at his dog lips. If he was here right now I'd grab his little dog lips and prove to you over the phone somehow.

N: That sounds painful!
Both: (laugh)
B: Well, I have basset hounds, so maybe they're one of the only breeds that do have lips. Maybe the other dogs don't. But basset hounds definitely have lips. (laughs) That is a really great question. Did you ever see Shaun Of The Dead?
N: Oh yeah. Dogs can't look up?
B: I love that! Every time I look at my dog now I'm forced to think of that.
N: Can they look up?
B: They do, but they don't like it.
Both: (laugh)
B: If I hold my dog's head and force him to look up at me, he's like, "Eh!" Maybe he doesn't like being forced to do something. I don't know if that's what it is, or if he just feels weird looking up. He's like, "I'm not supposed to look up! Don't make me!"
N: If you were laying on your stomach and tried to look up at the ceiling, it isn't really that comfortable.
B: No... (pauses) no.
Interview available in print issue #7!
DAVE McKEAN (DIRECTOR/ARTIST)
Night Watchman: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
Dave McKean: (laughs) Aren't you from something called "chicken" or something?
N: Yeah. tastes like chicken.
D: So what about chicken lips? Do chickens have lips? Chicken lips are famous... a delicacy, apparently.
N: There seems to be more of an argument about dog lips amongst us at the magazine.
D: Dog lips?
N: It seems obvious to me that chickens are lipless.
D: I guess not. I would say not. I think cats have lips. They don't really have lips, but they behave as if they have lips. They lick their lips, they smack their lips-- they kiss you, you know? But dogs... no. I'm not a big fan of dogs, so I wouldn't give them lips.
N: (laughs)
Interview available in print issue #7!
HENRY ROLLINS (MUSICIAN/AUTHOR)
Night Watchman: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
Henry Rollins: Yeah. I don't know how professional it is, but I've been up close to a lot of dogs. Yeah, they do-- very small. Some breeds have bigger lips than others.
N: Very small lips?
H: Yeah, well, there's an outer coating and a mucus membrane underneath, and then a hairline. So, yeah, I think they have one.
N: Alright, great.
H: That's really compelling stuff. I'm sure everyone at your publication is just chomping at the bit to hear what my take on that is.
N: Actually, you'd be surprised. I'd probably get a lot of flack if I didn't ask you.
H: Well, yeah. We wouldn't want to forego that one.
N: Don't want to disappoint the readers.
H: Oh, no. Definitely.
Interview available in print issue #7!
JAMES GUNN & JENNA FISCHER (HOLLYWOOD POWER COUPLE)
Wayne Chinsang: So, the last question I have for you both is one I’ve already asked James before, but I’ll ask--
James Gunn: They do have lips!
W: Well, there ya go! Do you think dogs have lips, Jenna?
Jenna Fischer: Yes, they do have lips.
JG: Where’s Wesley [Jenna and James’ dog]? Wesley, come here!
JF: They have little lips. You can see them. My cat has lips, too. Wait, we’re gonna look at our dog.
JG: I’ve looked at your website, and there are some people that say that dogs don’t have lips, and--
JF: Those are definitely lips.
JG: --I’m looking at our dog right now, and he’s got lips.
JF: He definitely has a bottom lip.
JG: Yeah. Is that an option? Dogs have bottom lips? Dogs have lip?

W: (laughs)
JF: Dogs definitely have lip.
JG: No, he’s got a top lip, too. Look at this! That’s a lip! I think he definitely has lips.
JF: We say he has lips. Here’s what I’ll say: my dog has lips. And he’s definitely got a little pouty bottom lip, too.

W: What kind of dog?
JF: He’s a little mutt. He’s part Wheaton terrier, we think.
JG: Part asshole.

W: (laughs)
JF: He’s part crazy.
JG: He’s great, but he’s a handful. He’s nuts.
JF: That’s true. And he’s got a little snaggletooth on the bottom. He’s got a little underbite.

W: Awww... like Steve Buscemi.
JF: (laughs) Yeah. He’s very cute.
JG: He’s in LolliLove. His name is Dr. Wesley Von Spears.
JF: Yeah, that’s his full name. He has his doctorate. It’s in two things, right?
JG: Anal sex.

W: (laughs)
JF: No! He has a doctorate in... I can’t remember.
JG: Pharmacology.
JF: It’s not pharmacology.
JG: Microbiology. He’s got a PhD in microbiology.
JF: Right.

Interview available in print issue #7!
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS (COMEDIAN/ACTOR)
Night Watchman: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
Zach Galifianakis: Lips?
N: Yeah.
Z: (pauses) In my professional opinion, I can tell you that they do.
N: As a layperson?
Z: As a layperson, I’m going to have to say they don’t.
N: Is there a reason for that? Maybe something in your training?
Z: (pauses) I can’t really talk about it.
N: Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.
Z: That’s alright.
Interview available in print issue #7!
UNTAPPED TALENT: SHILOE (MUSICIANS)
Bethany Shady: Do dogs have lips?
Melissa Pleckham: Yes.
Ken Ramos: Yes. They have some sort of thing that flaps down there.
M: They have tails.
K: They drool a lot though, so... I don't know. Does that mean that you don't have lips?
M: No, they have lips. Their lips are black.
Jenean Farris: Aren't their gums black?
M: Oh. I thought their lips were black, too.
J: We don't know much about dogs.
K: My dog has lips and they flap down. So, yes, I will say they have lips.
M: Yeah, me too.
J: I don't think they do.
K: You don't think so?
J: No.
K: Go home and kiss your dog.

Interview available in print issue #7!

ANTHRAX'S JOEY BELLADONNA (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
Joey Belladonna: Lips? As in L-I-P?
N: Yeah. Lips.
J: My dog’s got everything!
Both: (laugh)
J: I guess they do have lips. They’ve got that upper lip there. Yeah. (laughs) I don’t know where that’s coming from, but yeah. What made you ask that question?
N: It started out as a weird argument among the staff here at the magazine, and then we started asking everyone we interview.
J: He’s got a muzzle, so that’s part of his lip, I guess.
Read the entire interview

JONATHAN CARROLL (AUTHOR)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Jonathan Carroll: Do dogs have lips? That’s interesting. Ummm... I don’t think so. But a friend of mine trained his dalmatian to smile, so that’s a really weird thing. Can someone smile who doesn’t have lips? That’s an interesting question. But Alphonse, he does. He smiles on cue, so it’s kind of a tossup.
N: That’s a little disconcerting. I don’t know what I would do if a dog smiled at me.
J: It’s really weird. This guy told me that dalmatians have this thing about the musculature of their mouths, so they’re easily trainable. But it’s weird. They go, "Alphonse, smile." And there’s this big grin-- it’s pretty peculiar.
Read the entire interview

GREG RUCKA (AUTHOR)
Nonnie: Do dogs have lips?
Greg Rucka: Do dogs have lips? Yes, they do. This is a question?
N: It is. We even have stickers with it on them. It's sort of a staple of our marketing.
G: Do dogs have lips? Yes, dogs do have lips.
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JEFFREY WATTS (ARTIST)
Das Bork: In your opinion, do dogs have lips?
Jeffrey Watts: Do dogs have lips?
D: (laughs) It's what we ask everyone we interview.
J: (laughs) That's awesome!
D: Well, you've done a lot of anatomy, so maybe....
J: (laughs) But not dog anatomy. I've got no lips. I've got, like, chicken lips. But do dogs have lips? Boy... I honestly don't know. I don't have dogs. I have cats. I think our cats have little lips.
D: Okay.
Both: (laugh)
J: I don't know. I like dogs, but I never grew up with them. I'm not a dog person. I'm a cat person, so I don't know. I'd have to plead the Fifth on that one.
D: Okay.
J: It's a good question. I'll ponder it now. Now I'll be looking at all these dogs. But I don't know.
D: Yeah, it's just a debate here.
Both: (laugh)
Read the entire interview
JIM HERRINGTON (PHOTOGRAPHER)
Hellkat: Do dogs have lips?
Jim Herrington: The female ones do. Wink, wink.
H: (laughs)

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JEREMY LIPKING (ARTIST)
Das Bork: Do dogs have lips?
Jeremy Lipking: Boy... that's a good question.
D: Do you have dogs?
J: I have one dog, but I don’t know.
D: It’s the debate here, and we haven’t really come to a conclusion yet.
J: Well, I would say... (pauses) no.

Read the entire interview
ROLLERGIRLS' PUNKY BRUISER (ROLLER DERBY ATHLETE)
Hellkat: Do dogs have lips?
Punky Bruiser: Depends on the dog.

Read the entire interview
PLACEBO'S STEVE HEWITT (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Steve Hewitt: (laughs) From my experience, yes, they do. (laughs) Cool? (laughs)
N: Great. (laughs)
Interview available in print issue #8!
BLUEPRINT (MUSICIAN)
Vinnie Baggadonuts: The last question I gotta ask you is the one we ask everybody. It’s the dog lip question.
Blueprint: The dog lip question?
V: For the last seven years, just for our own selfish pleasures, we’ve been asking everybody if they think dogs have lips.
B: You want to know if I think they do or not?
V: Yeah. In your expert opinion.
B: (pauses) No. Because if they did, they could kiss you.
V: Yes!
B: If dogs kiss you, they kiss you with their nose, or they lick you.
V: Dude, you would not believe how many people say yes. My theory is, if they had lips, they could drink through a straw.
B: (laughs)
V: You need lips to drink with a straw!
B: That’s it, man! Yeah! They drink with their tongues! They can’t use a straw!
V: Or drink out of cups!
B: I don’t know who would say that they actually have lips.
V: Dude, we called a veterinarian who said they technically had lips. I was like, "You have a degree! You cannot be serious!"
Both: (laugh)
V: I don’t think he understood what the big deal was. Actually, I don’t know why we even care.
Both: (laugh)
Interview available in print issue #8!
JOHN LANDIS (DIRECTOR/WRITER/PRODUCER)
Wayne Chinsang: Final question, and it’s one we ask everyone we interview: do dogs have lips?
John Landis: No, I'm pretty sure dogs have no lips. Or at least I've never heard one whistle before.
Interview available in print issue #8!
MINISTRY'S AL JOURGENSEN (MUSICIAN)
Night Watchman: Do dogs have lips?
Al Jourgensen: (laughs) I would say they do, and I'll tell you why: it's kind of an interesting theory, but darker-skinned females’ vaginal lips look very similar to the lips on an Irish Setter.
N: Okay.
A: So I'm going to consider them dog lips. That’s what I call the vulvic region of a dark-skinned female, whether it be Latino or black or Asian, or even brown-haired whites.
N: Right, right.
A: You have that kind of brown part on a lip, which definitely reminds me of an Irish Setter, so I would have to say that dogs have lips.
N: (laughs) Sounds like a good answer to me.
A: (laughs) All right! Probably the first one you've gotten a vaginal reference like that.
N: Yeah. Definitely a first.
Both: (laugh)
Interview available in print issue #8!
THE WEST MEMPHIS THREE'S DAMIEN ECHOLS (PRISONER)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Damien Echols: Of course dogs have lips. Anyone who has never kissed a dog on the lips can't be trusted.
Interview available in print issue #8!
BT (MUSICIAN)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
BT: Oh, totally, dude! Absolutely! My dog has lips. What's in question? (laughs)
W: That's what I'm saying.
B: Totally. If someone wants to have a Nerf boxing match to the death over if dogs have lips, send 'em my way.
W: A Nerf boxing match to the death? That would take, like, four years.
Both: (laugh)
B: You're right. It would have to be a street fight then.
W: A cage match.
B: (laughs) Yeah, exactly. Or ultimate fighting. But seriously, dogs totally have lips. I'm gonna have to send you a picture of my dog's lips.
W: See, I have a dog too, and I think they totally have lips. What kind of dog do you have?
B: A Boston terrier.
W: Right on.
B: And it totally has lips. Mine's got big, kind of cute, mushy lips that are bigger on the sides. Her muzzle is all black and white, and her lips are jet-black.
W: They're just like big, wet, meaty lips.
B: Yeah! She's got lips, dude! Dogs have lips!
W: Exactly.
Both: (laugh)
Interview available in print issue #9!
CRISPIN HELLION GLOVER (ACTOR/WRITER/DIRECTOR)
Night Watchman: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
Crispin Hellion Glover: I would say yes, dogs do have lips. (laughs)
Interview available in print issue #9!
GHOST HUNTERS' GRANT WILSON & JASON HAWES (PLUMBERS)
Fphatty Lamar: In your professional opinions, do dogs have lips?
Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson: (laugh)
G: Do dogs have lips? Yeah, I think a lip is pretty much that piece of muscle around the mouth, and they certainly have those.
J: Yeah, I've got two dogs. They're both purebred German shepherds, and they appear to have lips.

F: Okay.
G: Why, what do you think?
F: Well, I saw a vet on TV years ago that said dogs have a rim around their mouths, but they don't have the muscles that human lips do. So I suppose it depends on what your definition of a "lip" is. But I say they don't, because they don't have the same lip action that humans do.
G: Well, I don't know. Would you say a fish has lips?
F: I don't know. I never heard a vet talk about that. (laughs)
G: See, I don't know....
F: Yeah. I know they taste good.
All: (laugh)
G: I think the way to solve this debate is to look up the word "lip" and see what it says.
F: Right. We'll get Webster involved in this.
Interview available in print issue #9!
JACOB PITTS (ACTOR)
Damien Echols: TLC's editor, Wayne Chinsang, believes most interviews are just the foreplay you have to put up with in order to get people to answer the one all-important question: do dogs have lips? What say you?
Jacob Pitts: Seriously, you've fabricated this entire interview.
Interview available in print issue #9!
MIKE RELM (MUSICIAN)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Mike Relm: (pauses) Damn.
W: (laughs)
M: (pauses) Dogs... (pauses) dogs. It's funny, because there is a Lady And The Tramp billboard right there (points out the window), so I can check it out.
All: (laugh)
M: They do, because I've kissed a lot of dogs, and they have really nice lips.
W: Okay. Yeah, we've asked over 200 people that question.
M: (laughs) What's the best answer?
W: (pauses) It's hard to say. We've done so many of them that they just all blend together. Fphatty thinks they don't, but I think they do. The majority of people we interview think they do.
Fphatty Lamar: But they're wrong.
All: (laugh)
M: They're at least flaps.
F: They have ends of their cheeks. They don't have muscles in their lips, so they don't have lips.
M: But they can totally pucker.
F: But it's coming from higher on the face, not from the lips. You ever seen one drink through a straw?
M: Have you ever given one a chance to drink through a straw?
All: (laugh)
F: Yes! Every day!
All: (laugh)
F: I try and teach them kegling exercises with their mouth to get them to do it.
All: (laugh)
M: You put little weights on there....
All: (laugh)
M: But I think they do. I'm gonna look it up on the Internet.
Interview available in print issue #9!
THE PRODIGY (MUSICIANS)
Wayne Chinsang: Do dogs have lips?
Keith Flint: Do dogs have lips?
W: Yeah.
Liam Howlett: Yeah. My dog has lips. He's got one lip.
W: One?
L: Yeah. A bottom lip.
[KEITH STARTS PULLING ON HIS OWN LIPS WHILE THINKING OF A DOG'S FACE]
K: (muffled) Yeah, they've got lips.
W: That's what I think.
L: They've got three, because there are kind of two on the top, because of the split.
K: (muffled) Two there.
L: And one on the bottom.
[KEITH IS PLAYING WITH HIS LIPS, AND STARTS TO MUMBLE]
All: (laugh)
W: I wish I had a photo of that.
All: (laugh)
Interview available in print issue #9!
EVERYDAY PEOPLE: FASHION NINJA'S AREKA IKELER (DESIGNER)
Anne Wilkowski: We ask this to all of the people we interview: do dogs have lips?
Areka Ikeler: Really? You ask that to everyone? (laughs)
A: Yeah. I actually wasn't sure if tastes like chicken still did, but before I left the house for this interview my husband Scott said, "Are you gonna ask her? Are you gonna ask her?"
A: Yeah! They totally do.
A: Alright.
A: I know this because Klaude-- my mom's pug-- always pouts with his little lower lip. So do dogs have lips? Yes.
Interview available in print issue #9!
UNTAPPED TALENT: KANJA CHEN (PUPPETEER/PUPPET BUILDER)
Nonnie: Do dogs have lips?
Kanja Chen: Is this a trick question? Hmmm... let's see. I'd say yes, they do have lips. If they didn't have lips, then what's the skin covering their teeth? (laughs) A dog with no lips is a pretty scary thought.
Interview available in print issue #9!