You know you want us.
Who are we to deny you of that pleasure?
ALL UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER
Insane Wayne Chinsang, Editor-In-Chief/Interviews
In a world of Japanese Elvis impersonators, only one has the Destro-like, iron-fisted chutzpah to drive the creative Buick that is tastes like chicken. His name is Wayne.
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Vinnie Baggadonuts, Entertainmental Section Editor
Vinnie once saw a dinosaur eat an old lady in broad daylight. You really don’t mess with dinosaurs so much after seeing something like that.
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Night Watchman, Pen & Think/Artwork Editor
Night Watchman can fly. Like a bat. I’ve seen him. It’s creepy.
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Fphatty Lamar, Stories & Articles Section Editor
Fphatty rhymes with “Natty,” as in “Gann.” As in “The Journey of Natty Gann”, as in “Is the chick in that Natty Gann movie a chick or a dude? I can’t tell.”
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Staff Member #716, Stories & Articles Section Editor
Deadlines? Staff Member #716 laughs at your deadlines. He’ll fuck you up with his hamster-style, then eat your favorite cereal. He’s that badass.
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Das Bork, Workshop Section Editor
I once saw Das Bork run the 50-yard dash in four seconds flat. Then he took off his pants, and gouged a cat’s eyes out. Show ‘em, Das Bork!
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Sal Swayzo
Sal teaches English to penguins. And she draws us pictures. Not of penguins.
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Jeremy Scott
Jeremy once walked out to his car in the middle of the night while he was sound asleep. I'm not kidding.
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Bethany "Beans" Shady
“Gotneemoneyikinhave?”
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Franklin Furter
If you asked me, this dude is packing a little more than plain old Virginia tobacco in his pipe.
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Smokin' Joe Blow
Our very own Deep Throat. Not in a porno kind of way. In a “government secrets revealed” kind of way. Only he doesn’t reveal any government secrets. So, technically, he’s nothing like Deep Throat.
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Hellkat
Yeah, we've got a cat working for us. What's the big deal? She's quiet, potty-trained, and cute as a button. And we like referring to her as the pussy of TLC.
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J-Mil
By day, J-Mil is mild-mannered J-Mil. By night, he is still J-Mil. You thought I was gonna say he was a superhero, huh? Dork. Superheroes aren’t real.
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Amanda Morley
Amanda does this thing with a pencil and paper,.. oh, mommy. It's so hot! Gets me kinda moist. Wha? No, you pervert! She DRAWS with it. Girls don't put pencils there.
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President George Dubya Bush
The man needs no introduction. Nor can he spell "introduction."
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